Category Archives: Marriage

Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Parents, Postmarital, Women

Dangerous Marriage Moves – The Flirting Risk

He traveled with his job and found someone in a neighboring city who was lonely and looking for a hook-up. She didn’t care that he was married. He didn’t care that she had children and was in the middle of divorce proceedings. It was pure attraction, or so they thought.

Attraction turned to kissing and kissing progressed to the bedroom. It was fun, exciting, exhilarating. He felt young again. She felt needed, desired and idolized. Ongoing thoughts of how dangerous this was, how risky and how destructive it could or would be were dismissed over and over. 

He told himself no one will ever know. He also told himself the feelings for her were not real; it was just lust fulfilled. He knew his secret was safe with her and she knew hers with him. It felt so good. How could it possibly become a casualty? The flirtations were simply irresistible.

Darkness always has a way of being exposed. Secrets almost always surface. What is hidden will come to light; as it was in this case. And as it did, this man lost his ministry position in his church, lost his marriage and lost his relationship with his teenagers. That’s a lot to lose and a very high cost to pay.

His sin wreaked havoc with his life, his business, and his family. The price he paid for his wrong decisions was costly and there was now no going back. 

What could have happened?

First, decisions need to be made before facing the opportunity. Decisions like how will I respond if the opportunity presents itself to be sexually unfaithful? Boundaries should have been in place along with measures of accountability. 

Second, you must push through a lot of convincing cautions to pursue sin. All along the way there is that personal hesitation, the internal warnings, the still small voice of God, the scriptural warnings, and the rapidly beating, nervous heart.

Third, obedience to God and your spoken vows to your spouse must come to the forefront. John 14 says, “If you love me, you will obey what I command” and “Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me.” (John 14:15, 21) By disobeying God you are literally saying you do not love Him.

Fourth, if you had an agreement with your spouse that included boundaries for your marriage, now is the time to apply them. Life is good until there is a test. You must choose to pass the test. 

Fifth, recognize the voice of the enemy because he will make a way to tempt you in the areas where you are vulnerable. Shore up those areas.

Please take the time to read: I Corinthians 6:12-18, Romans 6:11-14, and Galatians 5:19. If you have not written boundaries for your marriage, I highly encourage you to do so. Yes, it feels prudish, but written boundaries provide one more layer of protection.

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Parents, Pornography, Training, Women

Dear Parents (An Open Letter to Parents of Young Children)

                                                         

Dear parents, I recently wrote a booklet about the inordinately high use of pornography within our culture. It was a summarization of a lengthy, thorough and statistically backed (all noted with resources) online article that I wrote. You can access the first of this two part article here.

Part of what provoked the booklet and the article was the story of a friend of mine. He first encountered pornography at age 7. By age 12 he was acting out what he saw in the magazines with female friends in his tree fort. 

It’s startling, but for most boys’ pornography exposure occurs around age 11. By age 17 they are the highest users of porn – 85%. Unfortunately, in recent years young girls are also increasingly using porn. In that same age group, nearly 57% of young girls are viewing pornography. While boys are visual, girls are turning to porn so they can learn what boys desire of them sexually. Pornography is a 12-billion dollar industry in the United Staes. Eleven thousands “adult” films are produced per year. That is twenty times the number of regular media films produced in Hollywood!

Children cannot process what they are seeing and reading. They do not understand the real gift of sexuality and so they are being inundated with false images of something that is not real and not connected to any sense of love, commitment or marriage. Pornography is a counterfeit, a fake, a lie. Its images are addictive and the more one feeds themselves porn, the more they desire. 

When I was a counselor, it was not abnormal for me to see clients whose brothers or father abused them sexually when they were young girls. Pornography was typically a part of that abuse. 

I once worked with a private school where a teacher was touching his students inappropriately. I frequently heard clients’ first sexual encounter was with their cousins in sexual exploratory games. Just last week, one of the leaders I oversee asked me for help. A close friend of his just found out that his fourteen-year-old son has been molesting his younger female cousins for several years.  I had a pastor’s daughter in my counseling care who was date raped on her college campus. I have dealt with multiple leadership failures in which there was adultery. And I am presently serving on a team that is helping to provide care and input to an organization in which the leader was sexually abusing woman for over 40 years. I would guess that in most cases pornography was a part of each of these horrific stories. 

So, I am asking you to be vigilant and protective of your children. Do not leave them with persons who could be unsafe. Do not openly and without caution trust any adult in their life, even their teachers. Do not give them free rein with cousins and friends without warning them of the possibility of abuse, pornography and childhood sexual exploration. 

Sadly, you must even be aware of library books these days. Material that is X-rated, explicit, that promotes unhealthy same sex, opposite sex and deviant relationships is finding its way into our public libraries, public grade schools, middle schools and high schools today. This is an evil, grooming tactic to expose our innocent children to explicit material and to sexual acts which they are not mature enough to engage in or are even capable of understanding. 

Protect your children by telling them and reminding them often of the “bathing suit” rule. No one touches them, asks to see or exposes oneself in these private areas. They will understand that language and you will be equipping them with a vital and useful tool.

Do your best to help your children stay pure and innocent. Today’s phone technology provides easy and immediate access to soft and hardcore pornography. With the push of a few buttons, they can have access to unspeakable images. It’s almost unimaginable, but there are over 400 million pages of pornographic material available on over four million websites. Having a phone without data access is a help as are software programs like Covenant Eyes which allows you to see every website they access.  

In today’s highly sexualized culture, it is possible to help maintain your child’s innocence and not have them exposed to explicit sexual material. They will trust your caution. Remember, sex in and of itself is not a dirty word or act. Within the right context of marriage, it is a wonderful gift from God and your children need to have full knowledge of God’s goodness found within this gift. 

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Challenge, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Parents, Postmarital, Premarital, Women

The Blessing of Money in Marriage

Marriage oneness is a gift from God. However, one of the more difficult areas of marriage to reach oneness in is that of finances. My wife and I struggled in this area for years. She was a “spender” and I was a “tight wad.” At least that’s how we each viewed the other when it came to finances. 

The Fidelity company did a study in 2024 of couples and their money. It was pretty telling as they surveyed 1,800 couples. Fifty five percent felt good about their financial health. Twenty five percent said that money is their greatest relationship challenge. Among Gen Z couples that percentage increased to 29%. But what else did they discover?

  • 25% said they resent being left out of financial decisions
  • 25% said they are frustrated by their partner’s money habits
  • 34% said the disagree on their savings goal
  • 36% do not know how much money their spouse earns
  • 55% said they are making retirement savings decisions together
  • 53% did not agree on the amount of savings they needed for retirement
  • 47% disagreed on how much risk they are comfortable with in their investments

We obviously need to improve our financial relationship. We need to communicate and agree on our tithe and giving, our savings, our credit card use, our debt and our overall budget. God desires finances to be a blessing, not a curse. 

Mary and I finally discovered that she was not a “spender,” but rather a giver. I was not a “tight wad,” but rather a saver/investor for our future. Those two areas combined in our marriage, honoring one another and how we are built financially, has become a huge blessing and now an area of strength, agreement and oneness.

We save more in order to give more.

The blessing of the Lord makes rich, and he adds no sorrow with it (Proverbs 10:22).

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Challenge, Encouragement, Identity, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Women

Senior Regrets

Recently I read an article on what 90-year-olds regret the most. Their answers included:

  • Not cultivating closer family relationships, their children in particular.
  • Not putting their children on the right path.
  • Not taking more risks including sharing more of their feelings with others and not being more affectionate.
  • They also regretted not being better listeners, which included being more empathetic.
  • They regretted not spending more time with the persons they loved. 

When asked when in life they were happiest? Happiness was strongest in their late 20’s to early 40’s, when they were raising children and then, again, steadily increased after age 50. Their secret to happiness and living regret-free was to savor every second they could when spending time with those they loved. 

In other words, accomplish more? No, love more. 

My wife and I were recently spending time with some friends of ours who have five years of age on us. They shared, “We’re now counting all the losses in life. We’re the next generation to pass. We’re the oldest of our families. We’re experiencing or will experience multiple losses. We’ll face the loss of our driver’s license, perhaps our home, our health, losing our friends who are passing ahead of us, and possibly a decrease or loss in finance.” It was sobering to listen to and then to realize my wife and I face many of the same potential losses. 

There is an ongoing accumulation of losses. Psychologists call it “compounding loss.” We’re living longer but we can experience grief after grief in this stage of life. 

What to do?

Age gracefully: 

  1. Stay active and healthy – exercise, walk, talk and pray a lot, doing things that stimulate us. Colossians 4:2:

“Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.” 

Prioritize your mental health; manage stress in your life. Receive personal input from your leaders. Ask questions and seek answers. Be positive about aging. Keep reading God’s word alongside encouraging books. 

Philippians 4:6-8:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

  • Embrace change – don’t get stuck, adapt accordingly. Change is here to stay, even at our age.
  • Be thankful – it will help our attitude. Constant complaining does not help anyone. 1 Thessalonians 5:18:

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 

Colossians 3:15:

“And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.” 

  • Stay in fellowship and keep company with believers who are also positive and thankful. Do not become disillusioned with Jesus’ church, He will not disappoint. Stay close to your biological family and the family of God.
  • Cultivate hobbies and interests.

Stay focused on the gains and not just the losses. What are some of the gains?

  1. Wisdom
  2. Influence
  3. Truth–filled experience
  4. Time – more available
  5. Love
  6. Being able to look beyond faults and seeing potential
  7. Grandparenting and great grandparenting
  8. Forgiveness and keeping disappointments at bay
  9. We’re older than most of the professionals in our lives. We can use this to our advantage – dentist, doctor
  10.  Prayer times
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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Parents, Training, Women

The Surprising Changes in the Beliefs and Boundaries of Marriage Today (Part 2)

What’s faith have to do with marriage stability?

Young men and women with an active faith in God and His word, the Bible, are long-term men and women who take saying “I do” seriously. They share similar moral beliefs and deeply held values. They possess a higher commitment to sexual fidelity. And those who regularly attend church have about a 40% less likely chance of divorcing. (See this Harvard study.)

Marrying when young often means less relationship baggage primarily because there are less exes. Maturity in a relationship is not measured in chronological age. Maturity is measured in one’s ability to think of their spouse or future spouse first and not themselves. 

Cohabitation is precarious, uncertain and shaky because it undermines the quality of your marriage commitment. While marrying Corrine, you may find yourself thinking about your years with Heather and then comparing your new wife’s sexual responses to Bekah’s. It will increase the instability of your marriage foundation. Cohabitation is pretending to be married with a widely open back door. There is no need for commitment in sickness and in health; there are no vows spoken to one another and to God. There are no community of believers helping you to remain committed to each other without the bond of a legalized marriage.

And then this

In a Wall Street Journal article dated Saturday, February 5, 2022 Lyman Stone and Brad Wilcox wrote, “[In surveying] 50,000 women in the U.S. governments National Survey of Family Growth, we found that there is a group of women for whom marriage before 30 is not risky: women who married directly, without ever cohabitating prior to marriage. In fact, women who married between 22 and 30, without first living together, had some of the lowest rates of divorce in the National Survey of Family Growth.” Now that says something which majorly contradicts the former conventional wisdom of trying it to see if you like it.

One of the reasons couples are marrying later today is hope against hope that they will not encounter divorce. They are vying for a lower risk rate. But along the way as they give themselves freely to various sexual partners and/or cohabitate they are actually decreasing their chances of marriage without experiencing divorce. Research is now growing and concluding that to cohabitate prior to marriage and to experience multiple sexual partners, couples are less likely to be happily married. The pretest thought simply does not work. 

It has been God’s word of truth

The word of God has revealed this truth for centuries. Social science is now only catching up to the truth written in the Bible about relationships and marriage. God’s word is more current when it comes to marriage and pre-marriage than tomorrow’s scientific study found within academia. 

For example, did you know that sexual pleasure between husband and wife was God’s idea? Solomon wrote these inspired words, “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer–may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.” (Proverbs 5:18, 19) 

Paul the Apostle wrote:

But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (I Corinthians 7:2-5)

God is not embarrassed by sexual intimacy, He is not a prude or naïve when it comes to His wonderful gift, but He did place very strict, very safe and very loving boundaries around it. Paul also clearly warned us when he wrote, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.” (I Corinthians 6:12)

Sexual pleasure is God’s intent for marriage and procreation is not the only purpose of sex, but sexual fulfillment within marriage is a process, a learned experience. 

Concluding with married sex is better sex

Married couples have better sex for numerous reasons. They are committed to one another. They desire to please one another and give versus taking to meet a need. Intimacy is not filled with lust, but rather love. The married partners are monogamous. Sex within marriage is the safest sex. It is sex without worry, without thought of being caught, without fear of disobeying God’s command and sex within marriage is the best sex because you know the desires of your life mate. 

For all of these reasons and more we can conclude that God was right all along. His written word and His commands were all for our good and our pleasure. Boundaries are an important part of life and so it is also true of sexual boundaries. May you find this truth for yourself and then experience the pure joy of obedience and God’s gift to you.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Parents, Postmarital, Training, Women

The Surprising Changes in the Beliefs and Boundaries of Marriage Today (Part 1)

In my many years of studying, researching, writing, interviewing and counseling in the pre- and postmarital realm, I had little hope I would see secular research come to agree with so many of my findings and beliefs. But the proof just keeps showing up in article after article.

My belief, without waver, is that premarital experiences directly relate to our marriages and that pre-marriage sexual experiences harm the marital experiences of life as a married couple. In the recent past the typical sequence to marriage went something like this: dating, sex, cohabitation, maybe children and then marriage.

Sex and cohabitation before marriage

Psychologist Galena Rhoades PhD and Scott Stanley in an online article titled Before “I Do,” What Do Premarital Experiences Have to Do with Marital Quality Among Today’s Young Adults, now questions this contemporary view of how family life begins in our society. She believes that every serious relationship has certain milestones, like the first kiss to actually coming to a definition of where the relationship is going. She unequivocally states that about 90% of couples are sexual before marriage according to one study (Diner, 2007). She also states that most couples live together before marriage (Copen, Daniels, and Mosher, 2013).

But then she writes this, “Many of them have sex with multiple partners before finding the person they will eventually marry. Do premarital sexual relationships relate to later marital quality? Yes and no. It depends on who you are having sex with. Men and women who only slept with their (future) spouse prior to marriage reported higher marital quality than those who had other sexual partners as well. This doesn’t mean that sex before marriage will doom a marriage, but sex with many different partners may be risky if you’re looking for a high-quality marriage.” 

Dr. Rhoades makes this eye-opening conclusion, “We generally think that having more experience is better [in life] but what we find for relationships is just the opposite.”

Multiple experiences with multiple partners sexually is now actually linked to marriages that are worse off and that having a long history with cohabitating may actually cause you to devalue your spouse. 

Marrying young

Brad Wilcox, a director of the National Marriage Project and Professor of Sociology at the University of Virginia wrote an article on how marrying young (by young I mean early 20’s) and without cohabitating “seems merited.” He wrote, “Our analyses indicate that religious men and women who married in their twenties without cohabitating first–have the lowest odds of divorce in America today.” Read that last sentence again, please.

What is it that the author of this study suspected as to why the success rate? “We suspect one advantage the religious singles in their twenties have over the secular peers is that they are more likely to have access to a pool of men and women who are ready to tie the knot and share their vision of a family-focused life.”

It has been believed and practiced for decades that a college education with a lot of dating, partying, fun, one-night stands and living together and then finally career all came first before settling down with a commitment to marriage. The statistic of living together (70%) before marriage is scary high. But Professor Wilcox wrote this, “But the conventional wisdom here is wrong: Americans who cohabit before marriage are less likely to be happily married and more likely to break up.” In fact, he says that couples who do cohabitate have a 15% more likely chance of divorce than those who do not.

Milestones in dating and pre-marriage days in a couple’s life means something because decisions mean something. We can remember when our spouse first spoke the words, “I love you.” We can recall where we were when we became engaged. We either loved or endured premarital counseling, but it was another milestone, a decision we made for us and our success in marriage. 

Fifty years of marriage 

Over 50 years ago my wife and I abstained sexually out of total love, commitment and respect for one another–keeping for marriage what belongs only to marriage. We did not cohabitate because we knew this one act reduces the chances of a healthy lifelong marriage. We had a large wedding because we wanted others to celebrate with us, hold us accountable and enter into our joy of oneness. We went on a two-week honeymoon dropping out of life as we knew it to simply work on becoming one. We did not know one another intimately (sexually) prior to marriage, but we discovered the joy of purity meeting purity night after night.

It was not a college education, financial security, sexual experiences or age that helped to create these milestones, it was love for God and a desire to obey His truth. We were married in our early twenties and we continue to celebrate milestones in our marriage. We are celebrating the milestone of half a century of marriage throughout this year and we are thankful for a godly foundation.

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Challenge, Children, Issues of the Day, Just for fun, Marriage, Men, Parents, Premarital, Singles, Women

Daughter Emails Her Dad About Her E-Marriage

Daughter’s email to her Father: “I’m coming home to get married. I am in love with a man who lives many miles away from me, but as you know that is not an issue in today’s electronic World Wide Web world. Living in Australia has simply not been a problem all the while he lives in Scotland. We met on eHarmony, almost immediately became friends on Facebook and have had long text chats on WhatsApp. Recently he proposed to me on Zoom and now we’ve had two months of relationship building through Face Time calls, as well as, many, many tweets on X. I will forward to you the link from my Drop Box account so you can view our photos and wedding plans. All that being said, Dad, I’m asking for your blessing and financial help as we’re planning a rather large wedding. 


Lots of love, Lilly 
 


Father’s reply: Dearest Lilly, wow! I’d suggest you two get married on Skype, use iTunes or Pandora for your music, book your honeymoon on Tripadvisor and check Yelp for things to do.  Later, I recommend you find a home or apartment on Craig’s List or Zillow, find design ideas for your apartment on Pinterest, furnish it through Amazon and Etsy and pay for it all by yourselves through Paypal and/or Zelle. And, if you ever get fed up with your electronically found Internet husband, sell him on Poshmark, Marketplace or auction him off on Ebay.

Good luck and lots of love, Dad

PS Send your mother and I the YouTube video of the ceremony.

Author unknown

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Parents, Postmarital, Premarital, Women

50 Years of Marriage! We Did It!!

We were just kids, as they say. Mary was fresh out of nursing school, and I was in the military during the Vietnam war. We had a small two-bedroom apartment and worked different shifts the first two years following our wedding vows. 

Learning each other’s nuances, family cultures, likes and dislikes was fascinating. With virtually no premarital counseling we were finally married and living on our own five hours south of our families. 

While we had been in semiserious relationships prior to ours, we were virgins, having saved the best of ourselves for one another. It was heaven on earth as we discovered new things about each other, learning to cook, and all things that go into making a newly formed family. 

Our first apartment.

Following those two years we set out to serve as missionaries to adjudicated teenage boys and did so for eight years – not heaven on earth. This mission tested everything we knew in life, marriage and the pursuit of happiness. It was tough believing for our needs, not fighting over who spent the last dollar and living in a facility with other staff members and the delinquents themselves. Through lots of trials and pain we grew stronger in our faith, our resolve, and our marriage.

So here we are at 50 years. How does a couple keep it together that long? How does a marriage make it through severe losses, great financial needs, disagreements, differing financial values, and (one of the most challenging) raising children into adulthood? Let us (my bride helped with this part) take a stab at answering that question.

  1. Choose your battles wisely. You just can’t agree on everything, but that does not mean you live disagreeably. Face the fact, even though you are one, you are two different individuals who see things differently. That is not a negative, it is something to be valued. Seeing things differently helps each of us to see what we’re not seeing. And that makes for a better team. 
  2. Speaking of team, work together at serving and honoring each other. How can you out serve and out honor your mate? Also important, honor one another’s extended families.
  3. Keep dating a priority. Never stop prioritizing fun, weekends away, rest and laughter.
  4. Know why you are called together. Know your marriage mission, write it down and keep updating it year after year. It is the “why” of your marriage relationship.
  5. Pray and worship together. Nothing is more intimate, connecting, or communicative than praying together. You will hear each other’s hearts and know one another’s deepest needs and desires. Worshiping together includes having a home church; one in which you are both comfortable in and are fed spiritually nourishing food. It’s a place where you can serve and be served by a godly family who cares about you, your marriage and your family. 

Proverbs 31 reminds us, “A wife of noble character who can find?   She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.” 

We have lacked nothing of value these past 50 years. There is no greater, no deeper love than our heavenly Father’s and that love enables us to love and cherish each other through every day, every month and every year.

Reaching this milestone has made every mile we have traveled, every faith step we have taken, and every prayer we have prayed worth it. If we can make it, so can you.

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Just for fun, Marriage, Men, Parents, Premarital, Women

Advice Giving for Dad’s at Weddings

Having been the father of the groom, I have learned some things. 

First, father of the groom is a much easier role; there is little to nothing to do but enjoy the day. Perhaps the biggest deal was arriving on time. But I am not a very willing nonparticipant. I don’t mind a job or two. Well, not ordering the flowers, mind you, but there are things like:

My son had bacon wrapped scallops at his wedding reception. I instructed our server that when she came to the dining room floor from the kitchen with fresh, hot scallops, she was to immediately find me, the father of the groom. I do love bacon wrapped scallops. 

Then there’s the meeting new people to find out who they are and how they know the bride or my son. This job was specifically to be sure there were no wedding crashers showing up for a free meal or an easy date. I also enjoyed keeping the smaller ones away from the icing on the cupcakes. Who wants a cupcake with a dirty, little finger run through it? 

For your son’s one friend who started celebrating before the wedding and continues to do so during the reception…show him the door or order an Uber. You’ll do everyone a favor. 

Lastly, but certainly not least, was the dance with my new daughter-in-law. It is my one moment to speak directly into her ear and provide a calm, but stern warning that if she ever does anything to hurt or harm my son…or if my son ever…you have my permission to…. You can finish those sentences how you see fit. 

Father of the groom, take your role and responsibilities seriously. Someone has to do the hard stuff.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Parents, Postmarital, Prayer, Premarital, Training, Women

Building Intimacy Through Couple Prayer

Too often Christian couples are not praying together outside of a prayer before their meal. Many leadership couples are not praying together consistently. Some couples tend to focus on the barriers of prayer rather than prayer itself. Barriers like, “We’re too busy; our children’s needs come first; we’re too tired; I am waiting on my spouse to initiate prayer,” etc.

Besides speaking to God, just what does prayer in our marriage accomplish?

  • A spiritual intimacy that is greater than sexual intimacy
  • Love
  • Faith
  • Thankfulness
  • Appreciation
  • Protection/covering
  • Honesty
  • Friendship
  • Communication
  • Unity
  • Agreement
  • Openness/vulnerability
  • Heart connections
  • Healing

To take it to an even deeper level, praying with our spouse can reduce:

  • Stress/tension
  • Frustration/anger
  • Disagreement as we agree in prayer
  • Personal judgements as we hear each other’s heart

Prayer with our marriage partner fulfills the scripture found in Matthew 18:19, “If any two will agree in prayer it will be done…” Couple prayer increases two walking together in agreement – “How shall two walk together unless they agree to do so.” (Amos 3:3)

What are some reasons that couples are not engaging in prayer together? Here are a few:

  • They do not know how to pray or how to pray together.
  • It’s just too intimate.
  • It’s too risky – putting our hearts out there or exposing our greatest needs.
  • Feeling inadequate or awkward in prayer.
  • Unwilling to take or make sufficient time.  
  • Trust/mistrust – what will my spouse do with the information I share in prayer?
  • Fear of exposure.

Honestly, how can we walk together without prayer in our lives? How can we grow in intimacy without engaging in spiritual intimacy first? Start by taking five minutes (once a day or once a week) to give God thanks and then laying your requests at His alter. It will change you and it will radically change your marriage!

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