Recently my wife and I had the privilege of spending a weekend with some young married couples on a retreat. Amidst our time together, we desired to ask them a question. That question went something like this: If you were given the chance to share with a younger couple just entering into marriage, what advice would you pass on to them? What follows is some of the excellent input we were given.
- Pick your battles by asking yourself if it’s worth the possibility of an argument?
- Pray about the area that is bothering you before jumping into it with your spouse.
- Lay down your single routines in order to pick up your couple routines.
- Communicate your expectations in multiple ways.
- Give one another extra measures of grace, knowing you both need it.
- Learn one another’s communication style by learning one another’s love languages.
- Over communicate.
- Engage in some form of mentorship.
- Keep dealing with the areas of needed change in your life and take ownership for your issues.
- Forgive quickly.
- Get into the habit of praying together.
- And always, each and every day, put God first.
Pretty sound advice from those with a few years of marriage under their belt.
Marriage, being God’s design from the beginning, is an amazingly creative design. Every time I am on an airplane sitting shoulder to shoulder with a stranger, I wish it were my wife. It’s just so odd to be that physically close to someone you do not know and have never met. Marriage is as close and intimate as an earthly relationship can become. And the fact of the matter is, over time, it becomes even closer.
My wife and I have been practicing debt-free living for years now.* I say practicing because it takes discipline to reach and discipline to maintain. So here are eight encouragements or benefits that we have discovered when it comes to debt-free living.
How much energy do you spend thinking about or trying to correct dead relationships? Perhaps you have a failed relationship from the past, a really bad break-up or even a divorce. In so many of these cases there is simply not a way to relieve the guilt or the false guilt one may feel. We can find ourselves playing mental gymnastics in order to somehow convince ourselves it will possibly one day work out.
Begin by praying about how you can better care for your friend. Put energy and thought into how to better love the person you are married to. Try daydreaming and fantasizing about your wife or your husband. To allow past, dead relationships your precious time just might be robbing, stealing in fact, from your present friendship or marriage relationship. And that might be considered cheating.
Life can be full of regrets, but integrity and high moral character will never leave one feeling remorseful. This blog is not for those who walk in disappointment, but rather those who are doing their best to avoid moral failure and the loss of integrity.
At first I was a bit taken aback by the expression that was just spoken half jokingly. It went like this, “We’re always in agreement; we do what she says.” Do you find yourself all too often acquiescing to your spouse’s desires in order to head off an argument? Should you be doing that?
Why don’t you have an extramarital affair? Seriously, be honest with yourself and answer the question. What did you come up with? If I could guarantee you will never be found out, you’ll never get caught, would your answer change?
I have a theory and I believe the testimony of hundreds of married couples backs up this theory. The theory is the more sex you have outside of marriage, the less sex you have within marriage.
“The truth is, I never loved her.” Unfortunately, I’ve heard these words more than once. Since I probably never have been totally honest in my response, I’ll be honest with you.
We make a personal choice with whom we marry – no one forces us. Do you want to stay in love? Then love your spouse with all your heart. Do you want to be happy? Then work toward making your spouse happy. Ask God to show you all of your personal selfish desires so that you can continue your love commitment through every stage of your marriage.
Recently while in the nation of New Zealand, a friend pointed to a fellow teacher and said, “See that older gentleman?” I assured him that I did. He went on to explain, “I am younger than him and I am retired from teaching.” I asked why he chooses not to retire figuring the conversation was leading that way. My friend replied, “He tells me he wants to continue teaching because it is far better than going home and living with his critical wife.”
Steve Prokopchak 