Category Archives: Parents

Children, Encouragement, History, In the news, Issues of the Day, Just for fun, Parents

It’s Christmas!

Christmas is that wonderful time of year when we celebrate the birth of Christ with our families and the world. This season is celebrated around the world in different forms and fashions, but the holiday is dedicated to remembering and rejoicing in the birth of our Savior and Redeemer, Christ.

Here are some fun facts about Christmas gathered for your family enjoyment:

  • The tallest Christmas tree ever displayed was in Seattle, Washington. It measured 221 feet tall.  
  • The top six Christmas tree producing states are Oregon, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, Michigan, Washington and Wisconsin.
  • Buying all the gifts from the “12 Days of Christmas” song would cost you a ton of money. The most expensive being “Swans a Swimming.”
  • When the candy cane was created in Germany, it was made into a “J” for Jesus. The red                 stripes symbolize His blood and the white His purity. 
  • It is a tradition in Japan to eat KFC for Christmas. Orders must be placed two months in advance.
  • 1 in 3 men wait until Christmas Eve to do their shopping.
  • Christmas trees usually grow for close to 15 years before they can be sold. 
  • Bing Crosby’s version of “White Christmas” is the highest-selling single of all time.
  • Christmas lights were so expensive that they used to be rented rather than sold. An electrically lit tree was a status symbol in the early 1900’s.
  • The first Salvation Army collection kettle took place in San Francisco’s Oakland Ferry at the foot of Market St. It was a large crab pot with a sign that read “Keep the Pot Boiling.”  
  • In 2012 there were more than 15,000 holiday decorating injuries during November and December. The most common being falls, 34% of all injuries.  
  • The word “Merry” in Merry Christmas was not always accepted because being merry used to signify slight intemperance.  
  • The Charles W. Howard Santa Claus School in Midland, MI hosts 130 Santas each year where they gather and learn about the history of St. Nick, popular toys and Santa etiquette.  
  • In 1980, the highest selling Christmas toy was a Rubik’s cube for $1.99. It now retails for $10.
  • The abbreviation X in X-Mas is not an abbreviation. It stands for “Chi,” meaning Christ in Greek.  
  • The reason we give presents during Christmas is to symbolize the gifts given to Jesus by the three wise men.

There you have a few facts about Christmas, some rather strange. I pray that your Christmas season is full of fun, family, love, and of course CHRIST!

For a child is born to us,
    a son is given to us.
The government will rest on his shoulders.
    And he will be called:
Wonderful Counselor,[a] Mighty God,
    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
7 His government and its peace
    will never end.
He will rule with fairness and justice from the throne of his ancestor David
    for all eternity.
The passionate commitment of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies
    will make this happen! (Isaiah 9:6, 7 NLT)

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Men, Parents, Prayer, Training, Women

Finding Your Happy Pace

It is said that not everyone is a goal setter. There are those who live day-by-day; what will come will come and somehow get away with it. They specialize in not having a plan, being primarily spontaneous, and perhaps generally lacking or maybe even avoiding order. 

Then there are those who not only have a plan and goals, but they also have a list–a daily list. They love their list and especially enjoy crossing off those tasks completed. They feel productive and useful. And when they complete their list, only then can they rest. 

I personally fall into the latter group. I have lists for daily jobs, blogs I want to write, work I want to accomplish, and sermon messages I want to share. Checking off an accomplishment from my list gives me certain satisfaction. At the same time, I feel like I’m not missing things I should not miss. My lists are a reminder. While I am not driven by them, they help me find my pace.

If I don’t get through my list, then the items simply go to another day–no worries. I do not fret over my list if not every line item is accomplished. But I have a secret that I am going to let you in on. 

I start every day with God. I do not begin any list before I spend time with my Friend, my Savior, my Boss, and my Pace Setter. I want my list to honor Him first. And I want Him to be honored before my list. My priority is to “seek first the kingdom of God” and then knowing He will help me accomplish my list. 

The only way to really know someone is to spend time with them. The only way to have true direction is to hear your Father’s voice. He’s waiting to spend time with you, to speak to you, to love you and to share His thoughts so that your daily pace is directed by Him. Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us that there is a time for everything.

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. (Proverbs 16:9)

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Challenge, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Parents, Premarital, Singles, Training, Women

From the First Date to Marriage!

Imagine I tell you that I met the woman of my dreams and on our first date we spent a full day together. We went for coffee, and we talked as we strolled the park. Then we found the perfect lunch spot along the canal front. By late afternoon we had talked constantly and are now holding hands. As a result, over dinner we decided to get married, tie the knot, get hitched!

What are you thinking of me and my first date? What is your immediate reaction, “You’re crazy?” To which I respond, “But you weren’t there; you have no idea of the love we feel.”

Obviously human bonding, relationships toward marriage, cannot occur from one date. It takes time to build a relationship that leads to a lifetime marital commitment.

Now suppose I tell you that I have been dating a young lady for five and a half years without any engagement or promise to marry. What are you thinking? I know I would be wondering if there is any reality for the future of this couple or are they wasting their precious time?

Just because something feels good does not mean it is good. That’s like gambling or playing the lottery. It takes time to build a sustainable relationship toward marriage, in the workplace with a boss or with your neighbor. How do you know that relationship has been built? Trust is at its core.

Without trust, relationships will always feel suspect, tentative or iffy. I cannot say how long it takes to build a trustworthy relationship, but I do know it is longer than a one-day date. We must discover core values, similar or complementary missions and dreams. 

If you’re wondering about your future and marriage, we have a resource to recommend to you. It will walk you through multiple questions to consider, a budget, co-mission, and much, much more. You can find that resource here.

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Challenge, Healing, Just for fun, Marriage, Men, Parents, Postmarital, Premarital, Women

Bringing Laughter into Your Marriage

My wife and I love to laugh. We’ll catch Funniest Home Videos whenever we can. I take the time to show her funny YouTube videos or share memes that cause a chuckle. Why? 

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
    but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. (Proverbs 17:22)

Laughter brings joy to a marriage. It breaks down tension and relaxes the atmosphere. Laughter is medicinal to the soul, the spirit and the body. Laughter is physically, emotionally, and spiritually good for your marriage. 

Have you ever asked your spouse these questions? “What made you laugh today?” Or how about, “What’s the funniest memory you have in our marriage?” Bringing laughter into your marriage can help move us from a stale place, an angry place or a disappointed place to a place of smiles and positive emotions. 

Mary and I recently recalled one of the funniest times in our marriage. It was years ago when our kids were teenagers and we had just dropped off our daughter for a church activity. We noticed that all the lights were on at the brand-new Burger King in our town. There was traffic and people were inside eating. We decided on a hamburger dinner. It was strange though…

As we entered, the new manager offered us champaign. We made our way to the line to order and the kids behind the counter offered anything we wanted, any menu item for FREE. I said, “Free, are you sure?” “Yes” said the attendant. She then countered, “Order all you want, even dessert; it’s all free!” I immediately leaned over and whispered in my wife’s ear, “We need to call our boys; they’ll show them how to do free.”

Mary went for our drinks while I grabbed a table. Within minutes she came running to find me. Looking straight at me with this horrid face of doom and speaking rapidly, but very quietly, said, “Steve, every person here is a parent of a kid who’s going to work here. It’s free because they are giving them opportunity to serve in real time to their families.” And then she added, “We have got to get out of here before someone asks us which of our kids will be working here!”

We gobbled our food down and hightailed it out of there. We found ourselves laughing for the next thirty minutes. We even woke up our sleeping daughter that night as we lay in our bed laughing out loud.

Laughing together will bring you closer; you’ll touch more and talk more. A conversation full of laughter is more intimate and will bring down your guard, creating an atmosphere of more openness.

Laughter– it’ll do your marriage good!

Our mouths were filled with laughter,
    our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
    “The Lord has done great things for them.” (Psalm 126:2)

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, In the news, Issues of the Day, Parents, Training

Our Children and Their Tech Devices

I am using a tech device as I write this blog. I check my phone for messages multiple times in a day. My only telephone isn’t really a phone but rather a minicomputer. Screen time for many of us has steadily increased year after year. 

And so, we introduce technical devices to our kids. They’re using them in school, and they’re glued to them after school. We’re trying to get them off their devices to eat dinner or do their homework while we’re glued to a screen ourselves. What is the irony in telling a child their screen time is limited when our eyes are attached to our own screen?

A 2016 study by Common Sense Media found that one half of teenagers felt addicted to their mobile devices. And a 2021 study by Common Sense showed a 17% increase to that addiction. They also found teenagers are picking up their phones over 50 times per day!

Children are dying due to social media posts. In a Senate Judiciary Committee hearing on child online safety, Meta founder Mark Zucherburg apologized to parents who say their children experienced bullying or died due to social media content. He said, “I’m sorry for everything you have all been through.” Unfortunately, that apology takes no responsibility for change. 

Social media heavily used by our kids is now connected to mental health issues. Evidence through multiple studies reveals that our children are suffering from cognitive function and compromised learning. Kids are suffering from insomnia, weight loss or gain, vision issues, headaches, anxiety, depression, and loneliness. *

Both South Korea and China now officially recognize “Internet Addiction” as a psychiatric disorder. The Korean government has started “internet rescue camps” for kids “detoxing” from their devices.

Dopamine fuels this addiction, and it is affecting the natural growth of a child’s brain. We are teaching our youth that when stressed, when depressed, or when anxious we can fuel that feeling with some of our own brain chemicals through screen time. Will this addiction lead our children to other addictions with alcohol and drugs, tobacco and food? The research is now showing this to be a strong possibility.

Parents, find activities for your children that are not device related. Get them into sports, science clubs, horseback riding, 4-H, fishing, reading books, hunting, bike riding and the like. Send them out to the woods, the creek and the park to play and to interact with real relationships. Give them your time in teaching them to maintain the yard, wash the dishes, make their bed, wash the car and change the oil. Take them hiking on Sunday afternoon or to a professional baseball game. Find a local church with children’s programs that includes boys’ and girls’ camping and other outdoor challenges while reinforcing godly values. 

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)

*Dr Maria Azaret, 2.21.24

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Identity, Issues of the Day, Parents, Training

Parents Who Protect Too Much

We’ve all read about how my generation (the boomers) left their home to play with friends after breakfast, returned home for a quick lunch (maybe) and then left again until the dinner bell, whistle or car horn was blowing. It was especially true of summer life. However today, and often rightly so, we’re warned about bad persons, dangerous places, deep ponds, getting lost and dirty environments. We want to protect our kids form hurt and harm and help them avoid accidents. But are we helping them or us as parents?

I was reading a report about this very thing in an article from the journal Science. Interestingly it stated kids who grow up with less sanitary conditions and sanitized environments, being exposed to plants, dirt, trees, creeks, animals and microbes grow up with far less allergies. In other words, “eat some dirt, it might be good for you.” Going too far?

Most professionals in your children’s lives will tell you that they love parental involvement but despise “helicopter parents” or parents who are so involved they are actually “protecting” their children from adapting to the world around them. 

The self-esteem movement began in the 1970’s and by the 1980’s we were giving trophies to the losers of the game. Last place in a race was being rewarded for fear of harming our child’s esteem. We said that everyone was a winner. While self-esteem and self-confidence matter, rewarding failure produces entitlement in our kids. There becomes no incentive in a reward for just showing up and children will naturally and quickly lose interest. 

Kids need consequences and kids need to learn to take responsibility for their actions. What happens to our children if they’re constantly rescued? One day in college (where the parents can’t intervene) they’ll find a professor that gives them the grade they deserve, a failing one. Later they’ll face a boss who doesn’t coddle them and tell them they are special, and they can do anything they want and succeed. Eventually they will start hearing the truth, so why not speak it now while your kids are in their formative years?

Sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Both options are a chance to speak truth and love to our children so they can handle both situations appropriately. Stop overprotecting your kids; they need risk, failure, pain, work, and dirt to grow up into well-balanced, non-whining adults. 

Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. 15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. (Ephesians 4:14,15)

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Challenge, Issues of the Day, Men, Parents, Singles, Training, Women

Time or Money, Which is More Valuable?

Do you value money over time or time over money? Perhaps an illustration would help.

Let’s say you are building a new home, and a generous friend offers you $5,000.00 toward the cost of the house build. Then let’s say someone says to you, “I don’t have money to give you, but I can help you build your new home.” Which offer are you more inclined to take, the one who offered financial help or the one who offered free labor?

Someone who offers us their time and talent speaks of a willing commitment toward you and your personal goal. We tend to find that level of commitment of greater value than someone handing us funds. Why? Because money is of relative value. For example, if I offer a twelve-year-old $100.00, they’re going to think they won the lottery. If I offer a wealthy businessperson $100.00, they might laugh at me. 

If we waste our money we can always earn more but having only 24 hours in a day and seven days in a week, we cannot get that back. When we waste time, we waste a valuable commodity that cannot be returned to us, i.e., we simply cannot create more time. 

I have the privilege of attending my grandchildren’s baseball, football, and soccer games and I often observe parents on the sideline with their eyes glued to their cell phones. When their children see them do you think those kids feel valued? That time for the child and the parent is wasted, and they’ll never get it back.

It is said that you can’t buy love. Money won’t and gifts won’t. Love grows because you are investing time into a relationship. Giving our time to serve others is far more meaningful and relationship building than giving our money. While it’s valuable to support a mission team with finance, it’s far more valuable to you and others to actually go and serve on that mission team. 

Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me. (Matthew 25:40)

And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. (Hebrews 13:16)

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Marriage, Men, Parents, Training, Women

Is Marriage First or Is Ministry First?

Church planting and/or pastoral ministry is a huge undertaking, and it is not a 9-5 job. Pastors serve congregants all hours of the day and night. There is a high expectation placed upon a pastor’s life and schedule.

There are births, deaths, weddings, counseling, hospital visits, family visits all beside sermon prep, teaching, preaching and oversight of multiple ministries within the local church. It certainly can be overwhelming and far more than normal fulltime employment. 

For most, pastoral ministry is a calling and a passion. 

However, pastors have a marriage and children who can often feel as though they come after the ministry. Learning to put marriage before ministry can be a daunting challenge. I Timothy 5: 8 reminds us of a biblical priority, “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

Here are some helps to keep pastoral ministry and marriage in their proper perspective:

Love your spouse more than your ministry. If you have a congregation of 100 persons, you will never please everyone. But you do need to please your spouse. If you are prioritizing the needs of your congregation above the needs of your family, you are already missing the mark biblically. Your first church is your marriage and your children.

    Attempting to gain the approval of 100 persons is impossible, but it is not impossible to gain the approval of your immediate family. And here’s something to commit to memory: another can pastor your congregation, but no one else is called to lead and care for your marriage and family. (See Ephesians 5: 25-28.)

    • Pursue intimacy from your marriage and not your ministry. Your ministry is not the one that you are called to romance. Many pastors’ marriages have fallen to pieces because ministry was their mistress. Your spouse is more important than any one congregant and she/he should feel that. If your spouse observes that you’ve been out too many nights, listen and ask what a better balance might be. Specifically talk about evening ministry versus daytime ministry. 

    Create a regular date night and take a weekly family day. When ministry does take the priority and interrupts your marital priorities there will be more understanding given to you from your family. 

    • Pastors have marriage issues just like anyone else. Do not sell yourself short in realizing that your marriage needs marriage retreats and seminars. Do not avoid counseling. If there is a need in your marriage, then lead by example and find appropriate input and help. 
    • Pastors frequently deal with conflicts arising within their church family and are often expected to help resolve issues. That said, you dare not enter the threshold of your home and sink into an easy chair avoiding your own family’s issues. If your family is dealing with a conflict, then you are part of the solution as well. Just because you have heavy situations within the church does not mean you receive a pass from directly dealing with home issues. 

    Dealing with conflict among others means you must develop the skill of listening. That skill is needed in your home also. Do not turn a deaf ear to the cries of your spouse.

    Making sure that your heart is in your home as well as your ministry will serve you well. More than likely your marriage was before your ministry. And your marriage will remain after your ministry, so keep it the highest priority. Your spouse and your children will love and respect you for it. 

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    Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Healing, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Marriage, Men, Parents, Postmarital, Women

    Does Going Through a Rough Patch in Our Marriage Disqualify Us from Ministry?

    Every marriage has it challenges and some more than others. Does that disqualify us from ministry in our local church or elsewhere? The answer? Yes and no.

    The first step is assessment. How long have we had this struggle? Is it a repeated struggle? Have we sought counsel for this particular issue? Do we avoid finding solutions? Are we actively trying to find solutions? Are we being stubborn and refusing personal change? Are either one of us in active sin? Are we blaming our spouse solely for the struggle and not taking any personal responsibility? 

    The answers to these questions can help us determine whether we should be involved in ministry during this season of our relationship.

    We recently experienced a couple sharing with us they feel disqualified for entering a couples’ ministry at this time because they are attempting to work through some of their own marriage issues. I asked them if they ever struggle raising their children or have they made huge mistakes in parenting. They said, “yes.” I then asked them if they should stop parenting or perhaps consider adopting out their children. As ridiculous as that sounds, sometimes it’s just as ridiculous to think disqualification from ministry over aggressively pursuing marital healing.

    You must know if you can minister to others while experiencing conflict yourself, but neither does the conflict always disqualify you from serving others. It is out of our own pain sometimes that we learn to help others. And healed people can bring healing to many!

    The key is, after assessment, chase healing. Give it everything you have and pursue growth in your marriage and in your individual lives. As we heal individually, our marriage will also experience healing. There is no perfect marriage, but we serve a perfect Savior who possesses all the answers we need for our daily life challenges!

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    Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Parents, Singles, Training, Women

    Do You Punish Your Children or Do You Correct Them?

    Honestly, one of the most difficult times while raising children was when I had to enforce a boundary as their father. Providing the appropriate discipline in the appropriate manner was often a challenge. You see, children have this uncanny ability to bring the worst out of you as the parent. At my worst, I might have over-corrected or when angry dished out punishment rather than correction. Is there a difference? Yes, there is.  (And by the way, seeing your “worst” is not such a bad thing.) 

    Punishment has to do with me preserving my right to be angry with my child and keeping my posture as the one in charge. It says that my child must pay for what he or she did wrong. Punishment is often done out of anger lacking any training toward change, put simply, a more powerful parent enforcing his or her will upon the weaker child. Punishment is more about inflicting shame and pain for wrongdoing. Further, fathers who are into punishment rather than correction of our sons and daughters might ultimately cause our kids to view God as a punishing God.

    Correction, on the other hand, is not just about reward and punishment; it is more about challenging actions and shaping a will in a life-giving method. It is training out of a spirit of love. It is more about guiding and forming the spirit of the child rather than reinforcing the will of the parent. It is less about anger and more about what’s best for the child. 

    Correction takes time to administer because it includes instruction toward a different and healthier life pattern and future. Punishment on the other hand is normally abrupt, more about reaction and often with little thought. Proverbs 29: 15 says that the rod of correction imparts life – correction imparts life!  Job 5:17 tells us, “Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.”

    Take the time to administer correction and instruction vs. abrupt punishment that might wound more than heal. Be sensitive to age levels. The older the child the more reasoning capacity they have, so keep your words to a minimum especially when they’re under age 10. You are not trying to convince them, manipulate them or even come to agreement. You are showing them a better way with better consequences. 

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