A number of years ago I regularly met with a spiritual father, who graciously volunteered to counsel me, read what I was writing and hold me accountable in my walk with Jesus. I loved those sessions from this seasoned man of God who was – over a long and amazing life – a farmer, then a missionary, then a pastor and then a college professor. In one of our meetings he gave me a copy of his musings about how his marriage lasted over six decades. I have listed his eight pieces of advice for you below.
1. We kept on, and on, leaving father and mother, cleaving to one another forming an ever-growing and changing union.
2. We worked hard at thinking about the positives of each other.
3. We sought absolute honesty before God and one another.
4. We embraced and enjoyed God together: serving, being pastors, parenting and worshipping.
5. We sought total spiritual oneness, far more than sexual oneness.
6. We laughed together about our failures and our life. We sought something fun for our relationship on a weekly basis.
7. We held one another accountable concerning risky tendencies.
8. Lastly, we admitted the possibility of “growing apart” in our marriage and committed ourselves to keep working at our abilities to seek periodic renewals, counseling, marriage enrichment, reading books, deepening of empathy and overcoming angers.
There you have it…profound wisdom from a matured marriage in which both partners now live with their Savior.
Last week we considered 13 ways a wife felt secure within her marriage and I thought it best to not leave the men out of this one. So, here are 15 ways a man can feel secure within his marriage as shared by a husband.
aries concerning relationship with the opposite sex.
knees and in health…” Remember that statement? Does anyone foresee sickness? They’re just words of tradition, right? Actually they are words spoken as a promise, a vow. But quite honestly, we were young and the young do not get sick or have a frame of reference for a long-term illness. Some of those spoken vows said in our 20’s or 30’s are not tested for another thirty or forty years. When sickness comes, the depth of our love and commitment will be examined.
aring for the future by growing your marital oneness today, this month, this year?
Determine today to grow old together, because there is only one thing that is greater than young love in a marital relationship and that’s old love.
In I Corinthians 7:5 the Apostle Paul tells us that abstinence within marriage will distract us from a healthy prayer life as a couple. Many read this verse to mean that having sex as a married couple will actually distract us from prayer, but I believe just the opposite is true. Author Gary Thomas says it this way, “Use marriage the way God intended it. Meet your sexual needs by making love to your spouse. Then your mind and soul will be more open to prayer.”
My wife, Mary, and I were on a plane traveling to the Midwest and it was the dead of winter. We were conducting our first weekend marriage seminar in this frozen, sub-zero temperature state. We jumped off the plane and onto the small airport tarmac to be greeted by the coldest, howling wind we’ve ever felt. Our eyes began to water and our noses started to run. It was cold.
When we say, “I do” we are never quite sure of what’s ahead. Thinking back over the many couples I have counseled, I can only begin to tell you the various scenarios that those couples faced so unexpectedly. For example, I can recall the early passing of a life mate, failure of a business, the loss of a three-year-old child, affairs, depression and other mental illnesses, a life altering accident or illness, addictions, extreme financial mismanagement, inability to become pregnant, just to name a few. To so many of these couples it felt completely overwhelming and I am sad to say that not all of the couples survived the tragedies.
Regardless of where you are in your marriage, there is help and there is hope. If God is who He says He is, then there is not a marriage scenario that He cannot work with. If He could forgive the woman brought to Him who had committed adultery and had obviously failed her marriage, He can forgive you and rebuild your relationship.
Living with another human being feels almost impossible at times. We can continually deal with questions like: Will she ever change? Can he ever see beyond himself? When will my needs be met? Since when is our credit card bill more important than me? But here’s part of the deal… Marriage points out our selfishness rather clearly. Marriage kicks individuality in the butt. Marriage holds us accountable. Marriage exposes our commitment to God and our faith. And marriage has a way of exposing our immaturities.
Early on in our marriage our biggest struggle was about money. Since that time, we have learned this topic is a struggle for most couples. Not to assume that it is only a struggle when there are insufficient funds, but, as we discovered, when there are sufficient funds as well. We went on to ascertain that the differences had to do with two areas. Those two areas were financial values and trust. In other words, we did not have the same beliefs when it came to spending and saving and those differences led to not fully trusting each other. This blog entry is dedicated more to finding those roots versus practical budgeting tips. So, here are some root issues to consider when it comes to financial values and trust:
I love marriage, being married – my marriage. It is unthinkable to be writing that Mary and I are soon married for 41 years and more in love. It is amazing to be at this place, such a good place. I love “old love.” We’re not as fast as we used to be and neither are we as pain-free, but seriously, love that grows old with someone…there’s nothing like it. At this end of the spectrum, I have something to share about marriage and here are a few of those things:
Steve Prokopchak 