Have you ever wondered why you married someone who is NOT like you?  We enjoy taking couples through premarital and hearing about how they just love the same music, have the same taste in clothing or both share a love of roller coasters.  Believe me, my wife and I have heard it all.  But after they say, “I do” none of these “loves” actually amount to much.  What they begin to discover is how different they really are.  Two become one as we speak our vows to God and to one another.  However, it is in the actual becoming one when we learn to embrace the differences.

It may take two years or more to discover that those “differences” are actually positives and not negatives.  While we may quarrel over them, a difference of opinion or a different view on things is actually a positive.  An example from my marriage is that I am the one who tends to see ahead, push for change and take risks.  I married someone who is not a risk taker and loves the security of things staying the same.  So how does that work as a positive?  Well, it took us some time to figure it out, but eventually we discovered something that we have since carried in our hearts.  That is, typically I have the vision and my wife carries the timing for that vision.  Vision is great, but timing is everything!

Going back to Ephesians five, there is another verse that is advantageous for us to look at.  From last week we remember verse 28, “And that is how husbands ought to love their wives.  They’re really doing themselves a favor – since they’re already one in marriage.”  Another version states it this way, …”husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies.”  The “why” in this statement is answered when the scripture reveals that a man actually loves himself when he loves his wife who he is one with.  In other words, to put your wife down is to put yourself down.  To speak negative of yourself is to speak negative of your husband because you are one.  To harm your spouse in any way is to harm yourself.

Looking at verse 29 of Ephesians 5: “No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body, which is the church.”  Where does spousal abuse come from?  Through divine inspiration, Paul the Apostle reveals that it comes from hating yourself.  Out of self-hate you abuse your wife or your husband.  How do we receive healing from self-hate?  Receive the totally consuming, perfect, forgiving and magnanimous love that Jesus has for you!  To go from self-hate to an appropriate self-love can only occur through the transforming power of the love of God’s Son.

Do you remember your vows spoken to your spouse, before the minister, the attendees and your Lord?  Never did we actually expect to have to endure sickness anytime in the near future, but you vowed to remain faithful to the covenant of marriage during such times.  Of recent I have watched dedicated spouses give themselves to their life mate without complaint through severe sickness.   One couple in particular has found a partner facing a disease that slowly but surely reduces muscle use even though they are on the young side of middle age.  Once vibrant and active, this person is now wheelchair bound and in need of constant care.

We spoke a vow, just words unless truly from the heart, to remain faithful and committed.  Exactly what is a vow?  Webster defines vow as “a solemn promise or pledge that commits one to act or behave in a particular way.”  Numbers 30:2 says, “If a man makes a vow to the Lord, or swears an oath to bind himself by some agreement, he shall not break his word; he shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth.”  Do not take those words you spoke lightly, God doesn’t.

When God placed Adam and Even in the garden, He provided a mission for this first marriage.  He said, “Be fruitful and increase in number, fill the earth and subdue it.  Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”  (Genesis 1:28)  In chapter two of Genesis He places Adam in the Garden of Eden to “…work it and take care of it.”  Adam and Eve’s mission statement might go something like this, “We are called to seek God first, to model our marriage after His love, to procreate and fill the earth and to embrace our work in the garden as we care for God’s creation.”

To build a mission statement, take some time to write down all of the things you and your spouse are involved in, e.g., a business, children, jobs, purchasing a house, caring for aging family members, serving a local school board, small group leadership, etc.  Draw from this list those things you are called to serve together in and begin to write out a paragraph that describes your calling.  Now think about your values as a couple and include the most important ones.  Again, for example: loving God and seeking Him together, debt free living and spiritual gifts.  Prayerfully begin creating a statement that includes both doing and values lists.

As this paragraph is refined year-to-year you will discover the unity of co-mission and the beauty of sub-mission, or operating together under the mission.

It is truly unfortunate that the word submission conjures up such strong feelings especially among North American women.  It really should not.  Recently, I was teaching in a room with three different races present and found that the expressions and beliefs about the topic of submission were quite varied and typically non-biblical.  Even mentioning the word seemed to send shudders up the spines of those godly ladies.  Why?  Most women view submission as a subservient existence cowering to a man’s latest whim and wish.  Do you seriously think that was the meaning of submission in Ephesians five?  When Paul asked women to submit to their husbands do you think for a moment he was instructing you to grovel at your husband’s feet and shout “immediately sir” to every request?

The Greek word is Hupo Tasso and it was a military term, which meant to “arrange under.”  It literally has to do with leading the troops toward a mission.  Our English word, submission has a prefix (sub) that means “under.”  So, the word would best be defined as, “under the mission.”  Here’s the biggest question to consider, “Husbands, what’s the mission?”  If you and your spouse have not identified the mission(s) of your marriage, then what may I ask are you submitting to?  If submission literally means under the mission, you must hear from God, define the mission and write it down in the form of a mission statement.  God gave Adam and Eve, the first couple on the earth, a very clear mission.  What mission has He given to you and your spouse?  We’ll work on building that statement in the future.