Category Archives: Uncategorized

Marriage, Postmarital, Uncategorized

And Even More Ways to Love your Spouse

I hope you are generating your own ideas by now. If not, here are 20 more ways to love your spouse. (Forwarding this today as next weeks post.)

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  1. Be open and cooperative when your partner desires to have sexual relations
  2. Run errands gladly
  3. Make a fuss over one another and touch frequently
  4. Never withhold the truth from each other – no secrets
  5. Go for a walk and find more alone times
  6. Stay up past your bedtime to solve issues
  7. Get up in the middle of the night to care for the children
  8. Frequently help and serve one another
  9. Establish a family budget together with a spending allowance for yourselves
  10. Do a Bible study together or read a book together
  11. Help your spouse with hospitality
  12. Take care of the children for a few hours so your spouse can have some alone time
  13. Be polite to one another
  14. Do a retreat weekend together and evaluate, as well as, setting goals for the future
  15. Develop mutual friendships
  16. Care for one another when not feeling well
  17. Do not nit-pick and find fault or expect perfection
  18. Tease and flirt with each other
  19. Watch out for and be mindful of how much time you waste, e.g., TV, personal recreation
  20. Play together
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Encouragement, Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital, Uncategorized

Ways to Love our Spouse

For the next several blog posts I would like to take some time and share with you various ways that you can incorporate aspects of loving your spouse in your marriage or your marriage to be. Too often we simply walk through life and allow it to just pass us by, one day waking up to the fact that our marriage has become boring and predictable. Rarely is engagement boring and predictable and I believe marriage can continue to be spontaneous and fun. So, here you go…images-8

 

  1. Frequently tell each other that you still love one another
  2. Pray together and lead family devotions together
  3. Do some things spontaneously and zany
  4. Share household chores and get them done sooner
  5. Set a regular date night
  6. Do the “fix-it” jobs around the house, not letting them pile up
  7. Greet each other with a smile and a kiss several times a day
  8. Provide a lingering hug often
  9. Hold hands often, e.g., in the car, under the table, at churchimages-5
  10. Listen to one another without counseling one another
  11. Sit close as often as you can
  12. Rub one another’s back
  13. Take time to look good for one another and wear each other’s favorite cologne or perfume
  14. Write love notes often – send text messages and email to one another
  15. Thank one another for the mundane household tasks accomplished daily
  16. Surprise one another by serving each other in some special way
  17. Always talk about one another favorably in public and to your children
  18. Brag about one another among friends and acquaintances, letting them know how proud you are of him/her
  19. Attend fellowship together and have a church family to challenge your marriage and family
  20. Maintain your own spiritual walk with God
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Leadership, Small Groups, Training, Uncategorized

It’s a Good Time for the Plane to Break

It always intrigues me how people respond when they hear their flight is being delayed or canceled due to needed maintenance. First there is this huge sigh, then a buzz of talking (mostly to complete strangers about how badly run this particular airline is) and then they head for the gate agent to release their tension and anger. At that point, I really feel bad for the agent who has to take the customers’ entire wrath. My question of relief is, “Do you want the plane to break in the air or on the ground?” Yes, it’s inconvenient, time-consuming, and a huge bother but when that plane gets in the air I want it to stay there. There is actually very little you can do to change the situation, so…what are you telling yourself?images-4

Self-talk is constant, even while we sleep. But, what may not be constant is listening to our self-talk. Stop right now and ask yourself, “What am I thinking at this very moment even as I read this blog?” What we are telling ourselves (our self-talk) is what we will eventually react to. If we tell ourselves that a broken down plane, being late and missing our connection is anxiety producing it will be. But, if we tell ourselves it’s an opportunity to grab a bite to eat, it may even come as a relief. Listening is an acquired skill. People pay people $150.00 per hour to be listened to and quite often feel better. Why? Someone is listening in order to understand them. If you’ll take the time to listen to your self-talk, you’ll discover a lot about yourself. You’ll discover both lies and truths, the latter leading to right action and the other leading to wrong (re)actions. In the future, when a “plane” breaks in your life, stop and listen to your self-talk, you may discover something you didn’t know about yourself.

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Uncategorized

Why Forgiveness is so Important

ImageCorrie Ten Boom, arrested and placed in Ravensbruck concentration camp for concealing Jews in their home once said, “Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.” Oscar Wilde said, “Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.” I’m pretty sure that forgiving someone is not the best way to annoy them, but I get the point. From the cross Jesus said, “Father forgive them…” Were those words spoken as an act of His will in order to annoy His enemies? I do not know who first said it, but I remember reading a statement that went something like the following: forgiveness is me giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me. Now that seems like more of a daily reality to me.   Truthfully, Jesus gave up His “right” as the Son of God to pour Himself out on the cross for our forgiveness.

 Author Louis Smedes wrote that to forgive is to set a prisoner free only to discover that the prisoner was you. When we do not forgive we are actually crying out to God for our own retribution and yet there was a spoken condition for you and me when it came to our own forgiveness. In Matthew 6 Jesus said to forgive others and your Father will forgive you. Today, we are not throwing a stone, that’s an Old Testament concept, however; He is saying that there’s a condition with our own forgiveness – we must forgive those who wound us. Certainly easier said than done, but God will give us the grace to do so and even to humble ourselves and initiate the process. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Col. 3:13)

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Encouragement, Leadership, Small Groups, Training, Uncategorized

Accountability? We have no Idea

United Airlines was flying me from Chicago to Harrisburg, PA a few weeks ago when I struck up a conversation with the “kid” seated beside me. I found that he was pretty special. He can shoot a gun extremely accurately. I suppose a lot of people can do that, but this 20-year-old has been on the USA Olympic Team since he was 17. He shoots for the International Shooting Sport Federation and gets to participate in his passion all over the world. He told me, “I’m not getting rich but I sure am enjoying what I’m doing in my life right now.” He let me know that there’s only one draw back: accountability. Now that intrigued me as a leader. “Accountability, what ever do you mean?” I asked. He went on to describe accountability like I have never heard of before.

imagesHe responded, “I have to provide every detail of my life and fill out form after form electronically.” “Like what for instance?” I asked. “Well, where I am at; what I am doing; where I am going; what I am eating; my health; my practice schedule; any medication I am taking; how much I’m sleeping; basically, my whole life is an open book,” he revealed. I asked him who required such a rigorous report and he told me the international Olympic federation. “Now that’s some intrusive accountability,” I said in agreement. It caused me to think about my level of accountability to those who oversee me and to my wife. It, as well, provoked some thoughts about how accountable I am to my Lord like, “So, how accountable am I, or even better, how accountable am I willing to be?” Check out these verses from the New Living Translation:

Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable. Obey your spiritual leaders, and do what they say. Their work is to watch over your souls, and they are accountable to God. Give them reason to do this with joy and not with sorrow. That would certainly not be for your benefit. (Hebrews 4:13; 13:17)

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Uncategorized

Have It Your Way ?

Many believe that it is “their freedom in Christ” which allows them the opportunity to set their own standards for living in any way they deem appropriate.  Even when the word of God has set a clear precedence or standard, these same persons enjoy having it their way.  While I have the “personal freedom” to eat at McDonald’s three meals a day, every day, I choose not to because I believe the health risks far outweigh my personal freedom.  It may be personal freedom and my right, but if I desire to live any length of time, I will need to make better choices – healthy choices.

Actually, I suppose I can call anything “my truth,” but that does not make it true or anywhere close to factual.  Regardless of how much independence we claim, there are certain ways to accomplish things and specific practices for most of life.  I am pleased that the pilots who fly the huge jets I am a passenger on follow a certain standard set for them by the Federal Aviation Association.  I am grateful for the boundaries and guidelines our laws create and for those who are paid to reinforce them.  Independence does not give me the freedom to create my own truth.  Why then when it comes to the direction of the scriptures do many persons believe them to be optional?  I am so grateful that our Lord gave up His freedom and His independence to leave heaven and come to earth to die for us.  I am so pleased that He chose to take on the nature of a servant for you and for me rather than claiming His right as God.  Our freedom came as Jesus chose to give His up.

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Marriage, Postmarital, Uncategorized

Marriage, It’s a Team Effort

God loves teams.  The very first team was the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.   Adam and Eve were created to be a team of two and then as children were born, a family team.  God encouraged teams to help Moses of tens, hundreds and thousands.  Jesus had a team of twelve and an even closer team of three.  Many of us love team sports.  Teams work together for a common goal through common values, common methods and a common plan.

When a team begins to fight with or pick on one another, they defeat themselves.   Something I call the Terrell Owens Syndrome is when a team member begins to see himself as more valuable than his teammates.  These types of thoughts eventually lead him to feeling superior by thinking the team needs him, but he doesn’t need the team.  Team members watch each other’s backs. (Think Michael Oher when he was learning the game of football portrayed in the movie Blind Side.)   All teams have their internal differences, but they cannot hold on to these or use them against team members or they will eventually defeat themselves.

If your marriage were a professional doubles tennis team, what would need to change in order for you to be in sync on the court?  If you were a professional dance team, how would you anticipate your partner’s next move in order to move with him?  Surely two minds are better than one and couples who have successfully incorporated common values, methods and plans will realize a greater sense of team.

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Uncategorized

Giving Away My Daughter, the Wedding Day

Several weeks ago I had the privilege of walking my baby girl down the aisle and then doing an about-face and performing the marriage ceremony.  It was a sacred, holy and God-honoring time.  My biggest fear?  Tears.  How do you look at your daughter of 28 years and perform the ceremony to give her “away?”  As I started by sharing some personal stories, we both cried.  But then I had the privilege of speaking a ten-minute message to this husband and wife to be.

I take personal issue with long and boring wedding messages that are more about the messenger than the couple receiving the message.  I decided that four quick points would suffice (how many listeners would remember even one of them?).  1. Marriage is a creation act of God; it’s from the beginning.  Therefore, it precedes Christianity by a few thousand years (Genesis 2:24).  That said, Christ agreed with this creation act, as the New Covenant was about to unfold, one man with one woman – a holy union (Matthew 19:4-6). 2. The purpose of marriage is not to have my needs met or even marrying the right person.  The purpose of marriage is about becoming the right person, a Christ-like person, as the challenges of married life grow us up.  3. The “why” of marriage is our personal marriage mission statement.  As God had a mission in sending His Son, we too have a mission in marriage.  4. Always, always, always remember the six most important words in marriage, “I am sorry, I was wrong.”  And, consider making it nine words with the addition of: “Please forgive me.”  Congratulations my beautiful one.

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Uncategorized

2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 2,600 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 4 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

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Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles, Uncategorized

Are We Really That Old?

Last evening we had a wonderful family time celebrating our younger son’s birthday.  He’ll soon be 32 years old and will any day now be a father himself.  I asked my wife, Mary, “Are we really that old?”  Could we be old enough and be married long enough to have a son his age?  She assured me without hesitation that we are, but then quickly added, “…but, how blessed we are as well.”  I couldn’t agree more.  If we get our eyes on our failing bodies, our forgetful minds or our lack of retirement funds, we can quickly become restless, worried or even discontent.

Thirty seven and a half years ago, one man and one woman said, “I do.”  It was a hot, sweaty day with no air conditioning in the church building where we were married.  The service was long and the intense heat made it seem even longer.  One man called to one woman would produce thee amazing children who will produce children through the creative act of God called marriage.  “It is not good for the man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him,” was God’s observation.  The Lord anesthetized Adam, took one of his ribs and fashioned a woman called Eve.  When Adam awoke he saw that which was created just for him and he exclaimed, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh…”  And God said, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

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