Before we said, “I do” we diligently worked at not having or experiencing differences with one another, at least not out loud. We wanted to be argument free and not allow anything to inhibit our communication. But not long after saying “I do,” for many of us that changed. We trusted our marriage vows to hold us together while experiencing differences, even when they became heated. What changed?
Nothing changed other than we gave ourselves permission to be freer at being ourselves. No longer held back by what the other may think, we let our emotions and our words find freedom of expression even if those expressions were hurtful. If you have observed this in your relationship, you’re not alone. Let me share a rich truth that my wife and I have discovered along the way.
After we marry a new reality sets in and we realize differences really do need to be dealt with. While we have to acknowledge some of our differences as purely selfish, a few are simply a different view or opinion. Not wrong, just a different perspective. If we stay in immaturity, we will not listen to or make any attempt to understand our mate’s different view. We will perceive them as wrong and it will be our goal to convince them our way is the right way.
However, that is not the goal and such an approach will lead us to greater frustration. As we grow in maturity, love and understanding, we begin to realize God gave me this person to be different, to see another perspective and to strengthen our relationship through our differences. When we can embrace this truth, we will discover a greater whole, a more complete oneness and a healthier appreciation for those differences. In other words, one of us see’s what the other does not and in the end we’ll make a better decision and be able to embrace a more complete understanding.
Allow God to use your differences to strengthen your marriage!
“People die from this infection; this is serious; do not take it lightly,” said the ER doctor to us before discharge. My wife of 43 years was sick and in pain – bent over pain. Showing up at the ER just after midnight on a Saturday (Sunday morning really) is a busy, if not overwhelming place to be. I was so concerned for the woman in my arms who could barely stand up from the excruciating pain she was experiencing in her abdomen.
Meanwhile I began observing the many people around us, none smiling, all needing immediate attention. I found myself not only praying for my wife, but those in the ER rooms we passed. Sitting with Mary and holding her hand, I heard screams repeatedly. Then I heard a police officer reading someone his Miranda rights. After that a police officer telling someone they were under arrest for DUI and refusing a blood test.
There it was, 15 feet up, stuck on a tree limb. My grandson’s favorite stuffed animal hanging and lodged by a single leg now out of his hands and his control. In his five-year-old mind it seemed permanent, so he cried and cried. He imagined it gone from his life forever and thus the emotion. We held him to console him and then said, “There’s no need to cry. Let’s work on a solution to the problem.” When asking him what we could do about the problem he shrugged his shoulders and whimpered, “I don’t know.” We asked him if crying could be part of the solution and he managed to shake his head no.
My wife and I have been practicing debt-free living for years now.* I say practicing because it takes discipline to reach and discipline to maintain. So here are eight encouragements or benefits that we have discovered when it comes to debt-free living.
This is the week that America sets aside as a time of giving thanks. Why is that? Two past presidents of the United States made very specific declarations.
How much energy do you spend thinking about or trying to correct dead relationships? Perhaps you have a failed relationship from the past, a really bad break-up or even a divorce. In so many of these cases there is simply not a way to relieve the guilt or the false guilt one may feel. We can find ourselves playing mental gymnastics in order to somehow convince ourselves it will possibly one day work out.
Begin by praying about how you can better care for your friend. Put energy and thought into how to better love the person you are married to. Try daydreaming and fantasizing about your wife or your husband. To allow past, dead relationships your precious time just might be robbing, stealing in fact, from your present friendship or marriage relationship. And that might be considered cheating.
What is your marriage story? How did you meet and how did you know when you fell in love? What were the things that brought you together? As you identify your marriage story and what brought you together, you can also identify the things that will keep you together.
Does it sound odd to say or admit that our marriage has a relationship with money? There is this amazing verse in the Bible that says, “But godliness with contentment is great gain.” Most couples believe that if they had more money they would be more content. From that juncture, we can find ourselves fighting and arguing over money all too often. But money in and of itself doesn’t bring contentment
I would be devastated, overwhelmed and heart-broken if my daughter suffered any kind of abuse from anyone in any fashion. I would give my life to make sure that did not happen. Further, I would be equally broken and horrified if one of my sons was falsely accused of abusing another. Having raised my children with very clear values and boundaries, I would believe them if they told me abuse occurred or did not occur.
In these times we are hard pressed to find any moral guidance coming from Washington DC, even as governmental leaders call for morality. And Hollywood continually puts out sexually provocative films and then expects morality among its ranks. You cannot have it both ways…sorry.
Don and Samantha were new acquaintances. My wife and I were reaching out and getting to know them a bit better when Samantha blurted out her list. “We will NEVER get married; we will NEVER have children and we will certainly NEVER become Christians, not in this lifetime!” Don agreed.
Steve Prokopchak 