I’ve noticed some things about women and men and their wonderful differences. The women in our lives need to hear from us as men. They need to hear about our lives, our ambitions, our emotions, our issues and they really long to hear our thoughts about them. There is something internal in most women that connects with their spouse’s words, expressions, eye contact, touch and truthfulness about themselves. Women want to hear from their men in order to connect with them. It’s an internal connection and it can be difficult for men who would, more or less, rather have external connections.
Externally we as men connect with jabs, jokes, and manly conversations about work, sports and our hobbies. But women connect internally because they tend to feel more deeply. They long for that inner connection that tells them they are worth opening up to, worth trusting and worth honest, gut level communication. One is not better than the other, but both are necessary. It’s not just that women are more emotional and men are more factual; it’s greater than that. It’s about divine design as both men and women honor the way they are constructed, we actually touch each other in a holy capacity.
When I use the term external, I am not just referring to surface and when I use the term internal, I am not just making reference to emotions. I believe both men and women have the capacity to connect both externally and internally, but it takes time and a patient teacher to connect in a way that we have not naturally gravitated toward. Sometimes our parents miss this and sometimes our culture misrepresents this.
In Genesis chapter one we are told that God created both male and female and it is recorded that we, as men and women, are made in His image, in God’s likeness. Our Creator represents both male and female. He certainly knew what He was doing when He created us as image bearers. He did not miss a thing or forget to add something in order for us to connect. Genesis two records that we are bone of bone and flesh of flesh. We are connected and that connection is God-created. We were meant to work together and we were meant to become a single flesh.
My brain as a man tells me to treat my wife as I would another buddy. But my spirit and my heart tell me that this type of thinking will not actually connect with my life partner. While she is interested in my hobbies and my work, she feels far more connected to me when I open up and talk about the people stories from my workplace. She more intently listens when I reveal that the person I was fishing with told me about his daughter’s eating disorder or life-controlling issue.
I can’t help but realize that our Creator knew this. Our Father in heaven who represents both male and female, as well, knows how these two completely different sexes are attracted to what they need in each other, what they can find in one another. A daughter needs her father’s internal connection with her. She needs a dad to hear her heart, to be willing to wait through the expression of details of conversation and to speak words of honor to her in how she is uniquely created and designed. Yes, she can play ball and connect with those outward, “male” expressions, as long as she is also connecting internally.
A son needs his mom to connect with his abilities in skate boarding, in making his first goal and in writing his first computer code. He feels good about accomplishing something and he longs for the female in his life, his mother, to pat him on the back and give him a “Way to go, son.” Yes, women long to connect internally, but don’t misread these male accomplishments as external only. For these accomplishments are us. Perhaps in our way of connecting, we are making ourselves available for the deeper conversations through our external accomplishments. It has to start somewhere.
Men, the women (spouse and daughters) in your life need you to listen, give input only when requested and be given the opportunity to connect in a deeper sense. They need you to tell them they are beautiful, smart and worth loving. When you give them time, you are saying that you value them for who they are and how they are created. And when you are able to actually open up and connect internally, you will have a woman who feels far more complete and honored.
Women, the men (spouse and sons) in your life need you to recognize their accomplishments, joke with them and bless their outward, external achievements. They need to hear you affirm them and how they do what they do better than anyone you know. As you become their personal cheerleader, you will grab their attention and they will feel respected. And if your man feels your respect, you will experience that inner connection you long for.
And…I…also…wonder why the holocaust of mother’s choosing to kill their babies in gruesome and painful measures with the governments help, push and provision of providers still takes place on a daily basis (in our enlightened and educated society) in greater numbers of deaths than all the wars America has ever been involved in (all the while this is now somehow viewed as normal). And… why many people who cry out to God only when they are in danger and could care less in normal, everyday life (spending most of their day cursing God and denying His existence) of a personal relationship with Him or the life they could have in serving Him. It could look like God has removed Himself.
I know of scarcely anything more difficult, more challenging and more humbling than expressing forgiveness. But at the same time, I know of scarcely anything more freeing than forgiveness. In the Holocaust documentary titled Shoah, a Warsaw ghetto victim states, “If you could lick my heart, it would poison you.” Nothing depicts a non-forgiving heart better than that picture. Author Gary Thomas once wrote, “We will be sinned against, and we will be hurt. When that happens, we will have a choice to make: We can give in to our hurt, resentment, and bitterness, or we can grow as a Christian and learn yet another important lesson on how to forgive.”
Forgiving is not something we naturally love to do. Even though we have been forgiven of so much and have fully come short of God’s ideal, we love to withhold forgiveness simply because (we might tell ourselves) the person has not suffered sufficiently for what they did to us. The truth is, One already suffered so we could be forgiven; we must now make the choice to do likewise (See Colossians 3:13). To do anything less is to take a position of critical judgment, freely giving ourselves over to the use of the evil one in heady, heartless self-righteousness.
This blog is from a spiritual father who loves this generation enough to share truth from a man named Peter who walked with Jesus. Please consider Simon Peter’s admonitions below, who we all know was not perfect, but who went on to be one of Jesus’ greatest spokesmen in the New Testament church.
5. Commitment to a local church, to relationships, to accountability and to discipleship is vital for our generation: Maybe you feel like you do not need the church, but does that church (people) need you? It is not just commitment to a building or a place, it is commitment to God’s children, your family. Love the brotherhood of believers… I Peter 2: 13, 17; I Peter 4: 9, 10
A number of years ago I regularly met with a spiritual father, who graciously volunteered to counsel me, read what I was writing and hold me accountable in my walk with Jesus. I loved those sessions from this seasoned man of God who was – over a long and amazing life – a farmer, then a missionary, then a pastor and then a college professor. In one of our meetings he gave me a copy of his musings about how his marriage lasted over six decades. I have listed his eight pieces of advice for you below.
Last week we considered 13 ways a wife felt secure within her marriage and I thought it best to not leave the men out of this one. So, here are 15 ways a man can feel secure within his marriage as shared by a husband.
aries concerning relationship with the opposite sex.
knees and in health…” Remember that statement? Does anyone foresee sickness? They’re just words of tradition, right? Actually they are words spoken as a promise, a vow. But quite honestly, we were young and the young do not get sick or have a frame of reference for a long-term illness. Some of those spoken vows said in our 20’s or 30’s are not tested for another thirty or forty years. When sickness comes, the depth of our love and commitment will be examined.
aring for the future by growing your marital oneness today, this month, this year?
Determine today to grow old together, because there is only one thing that is greater than young love in a marital relationship and that’s old love.
“In order for me to feel good about me, I need to know that you feel good about me.”
For the first two questions the answer is: reconciliation. To reconcile means to go from an unacceptable state to an acceptable state. Christ has done that work by first accepting us. (Romans 15:7)
The next two have an answer as well: justification. Before my performance, I am justified. To be justified means that I am forgiven of my sin; I am free from my shame and my guilt and I am in right standing with God. Again, not because of what I have done or can do, but because of what Christ has done. (Romans 3:21-28; 5:1; II Corinthians 5:21)
We all deserve punishment, however Christ took that punishment for our past, present and future sin upon Himself and that’s called: propitiation. Propitiation is when God placed His Son upon the cross for us to make atonement forever. (I John 4:9, 10, 18)
Lastly, I can change. I am not up for a vote. The answer to change is: regeneration. Robert McGee once said that who you think you should be is less than who you already are. To be regenerated is to become a new creation. To become born again is to get to start over and participate in His divine nature. (II Corinthians 5:17)
This is a blog about “church,” so-to-speak, but maybe we miss the mark a bit if we don’t keep putting the focus back on the One who precedes the church and everything else. The church is, no doubt, meant to be a much more radical movement than we have understood it to be. How much more important is it for us to see that Jesus, the head of the church, is a far more radical man/God than we can even begin to understand. He is the One we, His church, are designed to imitate. Perhaps if we get Jesus right, and our imitation of Him in keeping with who He is, we will naturally get church right.
Steve Prokopchak 