Encouragement, Leadership, Small Groups, Training, Uncategorized

Encountering Risky Business Through the Four P’s

images-6 (Note: I am sending this blog out early due to taking some vacation time next week.) Wanting to follow-up on last weeks post, I thought it appropriate to share four types of risk to steer clear of. I am unsure where some of these originated from, but I have used them for years in attempting to help others in their personal life. I have urged many to stay away from: people of risk; places of risk; possessions of risk; and processes of risk. What do I mean?

Often as a young believer, it is difficult to discern who to hang out with, old friends with bad habits or all new relationships. Initially, it might be advisable to stay away from those persons who are risky to your personal growth and change. Identifying persons of risk can eliminate being talked out of new life patterns. A place of risk is a pretty obvious one. In other words, for now stay clear of those establishments that allowed and promoted your former life-style of sin. Possessions of risk are a bit tougher to discern or even do away with. In Acts chapter 19, it was discovered that many new believers had been involved in sorcery. The new converts made a large bonfire and threw their sorcery scrolls into the fire. They eliminated many possessions of risk. Today this may include books/magazines, music CD’s or even computer games.

Lastly, it is important to consider processes of risk. Process is the connection to our thoughts. For example, prior to becoming a Christian our process of thought when being verbally attacked might have been inordinate anger or running away. Both became familiar and established life patterns, but both of these can be risky due to the fact that we might not be processing truthfully. As the word of God is received and acted upon, our responses will begin to change because our thought processes encounter truth and truth will set us free from former life patterns of risk. Which of the four P’s are you working on?

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Encouragement, Small Groups

Grocery Store Lessons

Have you ever noticed the difference in your grocery bill when you go shopping for food hungry as compared to shopping right after you consumed a satisfying meal?  When you’re hungry, everything looks good followed by lots of extras thrown into your shopping cart.  When your gut is full and satisfied, nothing looks very special and rarely do items jump out at you.  Noticeably, you are not fooled by the colorful posters or the, “Buy three, get one free” offers.  “Three…I don’t even want one,” you tell yourself.  You have no appetite and so grocery shopping is simply a necessary exercise.  Without an appetite, your brain is not sending signals to your eyes which otherwise would be busy scanning to and fro for what might taste good immediately.  Your mind knows your stomach is full and satisfied and the need for sustenance is turned off.

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Now let’s say your private sin issue is lust of the flesh and you find yourself in the middle of an adult bookstore.  Your eyes are taking in all of the skin exposed in magazines and movies and your brain is in overload recording all of the images.  It is a feeding frenzy of lust and your flesh is hungry for more.  You go deeper into the store where you find the “best of the best,” feeding your soul like it is starved to death…emaciated.  But back up.  If you were “full” rather than depleted would you even hunger for such filth?  Would you have sought out such a seedy, unclean and defiling place?  If your spirit was full of the spirit of Christ and you fully knew His love, approval and acceptance would your lust-filled hunger be satisfied and would this need be turned off?  You and I choose to fill these natural appetites with God or with ungodly, sin-filled desires.  Proverbs says an empty stomach drives us on (Proverbs 16:26b).  What drives you?  What are you passionately hungry for?

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Encouragement, Small Groups

Onions and Garlic – They Hate Me

images Yep, it’s true. These two smelly, pungent vegetables of the same family have officially announced war upon me and have combined forces to bring personal misery. It happened somewhere around the age of 40 or 45. For some unknown reason, like an allergy, I was done with them and they were done with me. We mutually agreed to stay away from one another. The belching and the indigestion finally caused me to concede and say, “No more, that’s it…I quit.” And I have to say; I do not miss either one of them. I have now officially developed distaste for these little, insignificant white bulbs and renounced their very loathsome existence. They’re no longer on our grocery list and I won’t give them a second look in the grocery store, shunning them, as any proper shopper should do with my condition. It’s fully their fault, they brought this on themselves and they deserve such disrespect.

This distaste that I have developed is similar to the distaste that each of us need to develop with wrongdoing. Like certain foods, what I personally react to may be different from what you react to. For some it’s pornography and for others it’s drinking too much alcohol. Maybe for you it’s gossip or overeating. Announce a full-on war. Combine forces in your soul, spirit and flesh to hate this thing that so easily besets you. Stand up and declare that you are finished with their repulsive hold and the mind-troubling thoughts. Agree to stay away from it, hate it and run in the opposite direction. You’ll find that you will not miss it or the effects it had on you. You will find certain freedom; you’ll deal with less guilt. Allow it to sicken you and shun it, not giving it a second thought or a second look. You will defeat it and overcome it with the power of Truth on your side. (Please read I John 3:6-10 and Colossians 2:20 & 21 today.)

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Encouragement

Fear, Something we all have in Common III

images-4Imagine a beautiful field with lovely thick and rich grass. There are wild flowers present and a brook flowing with crystal clear spring water. Dotted throughout the landscape are sheep – happy, oblivious sheep. You are observing this picture from a prison window complete with iron bars and find yourself thinking, “If only I could be like one of those sheep, but alas I am here in prison bound to this cold, damp and dark place.” The odd thing is however, that the prison door is open. You could walk right through the door and enjoy the lush green field. But you do not because fear holds you in this prison and you can only wish yourself elsewhere.

A reality? No.

A lie? Yes.

But, it sure feels true to you. Why? Fear is a prison, a prison of self.images-7 The Bible reveals to us that the truth sets us free. Fear, often generated by a lie, is imprisoning so many people today that they fail to discover their potential, their gifts and their passions. Fear keeps them from dreaming and quickly ends any thought of freedom. Fear gripped many in the Bible. One verse in Job stands out to me, “Fear and trembling seized me and made all my bones shake.” (4:14) David often felt fear around his enemies. But it was David who wrote, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.” (Ps. 23:4) David, a shepherd, also knew The Shepherd who would let him walk out of the prison of self-imposed fear and be restored beside the quiet waters flowing through the green pastures. He is with you.

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Encouragement, Training

Fear, Something we all have in Common II

imagesFear has a way of distorting reality. Have you ever been to a scary movie? It’s not real – you know it’s not real, but your heart is beating faster, your palms are sweaty, your body is becoming tenser and your tongue is getting thicker. The emotional reaction of fear has literally changed your heart rate and physiological make-up. Remember those scary nightmares as a child or the “monsters” under your bed? Never once were they real, but your body sure was fooled. How so? Your mind, the voices from your past, coupled with your beliefs created a non-reality and then made a reality simply by self- generated thought. Fear is a reaction to a thought and, quite honestly, that thought does not have to be true.

Most fear is actually created by what we tell ourselves concerning a past incident or the future. If we tell ourselves that public speaking is fearful, it will be. Don’t get me wrong; fear is not always a bad emotional reaction because sometimes it’s based on truth. If someone robs you at gunpoint, fear will be a part of what you deal with along with perhaps some post stress disorder. That fear is based on a reality and meant to protect us. But fear can take on a life of its own. It can be something that we accept as normal to our life when in fact it is inhibiting us from growth. We can walk in fear of the future, fear of the loss of employment or fear of failure. What fears can you identify in your life and how have you attempted to deal with them?

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Encouragement

Fear, Something we all have in Common

Author Andy Stanley has said that fear is a common ground that all of humanity shares. His statement caused me to stop and consider this observation with a bit more thought. I came to the conclusion that I think it’s true. Recently I have been talking to a friend who is experiencing an unexpected interruption in his health and it has been scary for him as the medical profession attempts to bring him diagnosis for treatment. I had the opportunity to take a call from a friend of many years ago and he is now facing a possible divorce. I lost count of how many times he mentioned the word “fear.” As well, I have dealt with a couple that have some severe, long-term dysfunction in their marriage relationship and the wife is gripped with fear – fear of yesterday, today and fear of the future.images-3

The opposite of fear is not the lack of fear; it’s love. Fear is absent within the presence of love. Where there is a spirit of love, there will not be a spirit of fear. Fear and love never share the same bed. The Bible reveals that perfect love actually casts out fear. If the enemy can keep us in fear, he can keep us from receiving the love of God. Fear is a motivator for sure, but the wrong type of motivation. I recall as a child, being afraid of authority as the norm. Back in the day, it was seen as a healthy fear. But then, my natural conclusion was to be afraid of God, the ultimate authority of my life. That could not have been “healthy.” The love of God is an even greater motivator. Love inspires, accepts, gives grace, allows mistakes and motivates us to do better and grow. Fear hinders growth, causes us to give up, is not safe and keeps us from emotional closeness. Which one motivates you the most: fear or love?

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Marriage, Postmarital

More Ways to Love our Spouse

It seems a lot of people like receiving ideas of how to maintain our love, spontaneity and keeping boredom at bay in our marriages. So, here are a few more ideas generated from our book pre- and postmarital workbook, Called Together.images-5

 

  1. Work at being on time for one another and call if you’ll be late
  2. Make plans together, check your calendar often
  3. Ask each other’s advice with issues, drawing upon your spouse’s wisdom
  4. Discuss purchases before purchasing
  5. Be thankful and express thanks often
  6. Work on life changes, taking responsibility for your faults
  7. Share your dreams and insights with one another often
  8. Ask for creative ways that you can please one another
  9. Plan a mini-moon…just the two of you
  10. Express your attraction to one another especially when noticing a new outfit
  11. Be reasonably happy to go shopping for that new outfit
  12. Relate your work day with her/him frequently
  13. Reminisce about your early days of engagement or marriage
  14. Express appreciation for one anther’s families and parents
  15. Go for ice-cream
  16. Show appreciation when supporting each other’s decisions
  17. Buy cards and/or little gifts to say, “I love you and was thinking about you.”
  18. Remember anniversaries and birthdays
  19. Watch a TV program that your spouse enjoys together
  20. Keep active the six most important words in marriage, “I am sorry, I was wrong” and consider making it nine – “Please forgive me.”
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Marriage, Postmarital, Uncategorized

And Even More Ways to Love your Spouse

I hope you are generating your own ideas by now. If not, here are 20 more ways to love your spouse. (Forwarding this today as next weeks post.)

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  1. Be open and cooperative when your partner desires to have sexual relations
  2. Run errands gladly
  3. Make a fuss over one another and touch frequently
  4. Never withhold the truth from each other – no secrets
  5. Go for a walk and find more alone times
  6. Stay up past your bedtime to solve issues
  7. Get up in the middle of the night to care for the children
  8. Frequently help and serve one another
  9. Establish a family budget together with a spending allowance for yourselves
  10. Do a Bible study together or read a book together
  11. Help your spouse with hospitality
  12. Take care of the children for a few hours so your spouse can have some alone time
  13. Be polite to one another
  14. Do a retreat weekend together and evaluate, as well as, setting goals for the future
  15. Develop mutual friendships
  16. Care for one another when not feeling well
  17. Do not nit-pick and find fault or expect perfection
  18. Tease and flirt with each other
  19. Watch out for and be mindful of how much time you waste, e.g., TV, personal recreation
  20. Play together
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Encouragement, Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital, Uncategorized

Ways to Love our Spouse

For the next several blog posts I would like to take some time and share with you various ways that you can incorporate aspects of loving your spouse in your marriage or your marriage to be. Too often we simply walk through life and allow it to just pass us by, one day waking up to the fact that our marriage has become boring and predictable. Rarely is engagement boring and predictable and I believe marriage can continue to be spontaneous and fun. So, here you go…images-8

 

  1. Frequently tell each other that you still love one another
  2. Pray together and lead family devotions together
  3. Do some things spontaneously and zany
  4. Share household chores and get them done sooner
  5. Set a regular date night
  6. Do the “fix-it” jobs around the house, not letting them pile up
  7. Greet each other with a smile and a kiss several times a day
  8. Provide a lingering hug often
  9. Hold hands often, e.g., in the car, under the table, at churchimages-5
  10. Listen to one another without counseling one another
  11. Sit close as often as you can
  12. Rub one another’s back
  13. Take time to look good for one another and wear each other’s favorite cologne or perfume
  14. Write love notes often – send text messages and email to one another
  15. Thank one another for the mundane household tasks accomplished daily
  16. Surprise one another by serving each other in some special way
  17. Always talk about one another favorably in public and to your children
  18. Brag about one another among friends and acquaintances, letting them know how proud you are of him/her
  19. Attend fellowship together and have a church family to challenge your marriage and family
  20. Maintain your own spiritual walk with God
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Leadership, Small Groups, Training, Uncategorized

It’s a Good Time for the Plane to Break

It always intrigues me how people respond when they hear their flight is being delayed or canceled due to needed maintenance. First there is this huge sigh, then a buzz of talking (mostly to complete strangers about how badly run this particular airline is) and then they head for the gate agent to release their tension and anger. At that point, I really feel bad for the agent who has to take the customers’ entire wrath. My question of relief is, “Do you want the plane to break in the air or on the ground?” Yes, it’s inconvenient, time-consuming, and a huge bother but when that plane gets in the air I want it to stay there. There is actually very little you can do to change the situation, so…what are you telling yourself?images-4

Self-talk is constant, even while we sleep. But, what may not be constant is listening to our self-talk. Stop right now and ask yourself, “What am I thinking at this very moment even as I read this blog?” What we are telling ourselves (our self-talk) is what we will eventually react to. If we tell ourselves that a broken down plane, being late and missing our connection is anxiety producing it will be. But, if we tell ourselves it’s an opportunity to grab a bite to eat, it may even come as a relief. Listening is an acquired skill. People pay people $150.00 per hour to be listened to and quite often feel better. Why? Someone is listening in order to understand them. If you’ll take the time to listen to your self-talk, you’ll discover a lot about yourself. You’ll discover both lies and truths, the latter leading to right action and the other leading to wrong (re)actions. In the future, when a “plane” breaks in your life, stop and listen to your self-talk, you may discover something you didn’t know about yourself.

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