Encouragement, In the news

Gun Control or Heart Control?

stock-vector-say-no-to-gun-culture-say-yes-to-gun-control-button-badge-122248246

Who will take responsibility for the violence in our nations?  Is it the government’s job?  Is it the school’s job?  Is it the video game creators?  Is it the church’s job or the parent’s job?   Do we need more gun control or less?  There are very good arguments on both sides.  Surely an object has no mind, no will of its own and while we may look to our politicians to tighten the law and our police departments to enforce the law, no law will change the condition of the heart of man.  If Adam and Eve lived in a world of perfection and their minds strayed away from God’s direction for them, what could become of us?

stock-photo-stethoscope-and-heart-on-white-23760098

Truly the change our nations need is a soul-by-soul “heart control.”  When a heart is submitted and controlled by the Spirit of Christ, the weapons of our warfare radically change.  When a heart is given to God, that heart is under the control of a renewed mind, a mind that thinks the thoughts of God…”we have the mind of Christ.”  (I Cor. 2:16)  Romans reveals to us that, “The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life…”  If we live according to our sinful nature, we will have our minds set on what that nature desires.  If we live according to the Holy Spirit within our spirit, we will set our minds upon what the Spirit desires.  As we have opportunity to touch lives in 2013, keep in mind that each of us has the potential of seeing a life radically changed by the Spirit of Christ.  A new believer will experience a renewed mind through Jesus’ process of heart change.

Standard
Uncategorized

2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 2,600 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 4 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

Standard
Encouragement, Marriage

Happily, I am Married to a Christmasaholic

Do you remember anxiously anticipating marriage so much that you prayed for the Lord to delay His return until you had the chance to find your true love and tie the knot?  You knew marriage was a great plan from God and you couldn’t wait for the opportunity, even if you felt totally selfish or guilty.  Now I always enjoyed Christmas while growing up, the lights, the decorations, the Christmas Eve service at our church and of course the gifts.  However, marriage, having a way to make all things better, has increased my joy and anticipation of this wonderful celebration due to the fact that I married a Christmasaholic.  I’ll prove it.

For Mary, purchasing gifts begins almost a full 12 months earlier at the post Christmas sales (even if she can’t find some of those gifts when the next Christmas rolls around).  It’s pretty normal for me to start hearing Christmas music played from the kitchen around the end of September.   By October, one of our bedrooms becomes commandeered as the official “Christmas room” with every square inch covered in boxes, bags, ribbon, bows and wrapping paper.   In November, fall decorations disappear to make room for Christmas…stuff.  In December, the tree is decorated and the outside lights make their debut including my favorite, the Moravian star.  Fortunate for my wife and unfortunate for others, Hallmark begins showing nightly (or what seems like every two hours) those, all too similar, B-rated movies with those D-rated actors.  Finally, Christmas flowers are blooming and cookies are baking.  Yep, that’s the gal I married and I love it because Christmas has become even more anticipated, fun and joyous.  And why not, having Jesus come from heaven to earth should be an over the top celebration.  And to add to the excitement of Christmas 2012, this morning at 8:01 AM, December 17th, Roman Philip was born to our son Marc and daughter-in-law Danielle.  A very merry Christmas to the Prokopchak family!

(Thanks to all who have followed or who read this blog on a regular basis.  It’s been a great year and I appreciate you listening.  I hope in some small way something said has been a help to you.  Have a wonderful Christmas.  I look forward to getting back at this early in the New Year.)

Standard
Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles, Uncategorized

Are We Really That Old?

Last evening we had a wonderful family time celebrating our younger son’s birthday.  He’ll soon be 32 years old and will any day now be a father himself.  I asked my wife, Mary, “Are we really that old?”  Could we be old enough and be married long enough to have a son his age?  She assured me without hesitation that we are, but then quickly added, “…but, how blessed we are as well.”  I couldn’t agree more.  If we get our eyes on our failing bodies, our forgetful minds or our lack of retirement funds, we can quickly become restless, worried or even discontent.

Thirty seven and a half years ago, one man and one woman said, “I do.”  It was a hot, sweaty day with no air conditioning in the church building where we were married.  The service was long and the intense heat made it seem even longer.  One man called to one woman would produce thee amazing children who will produce children through the creative act of God called marriage.  “It is not good for the man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him,” was God’s observation.  The Lord anesthetized Adam, took one of his ribs and fashioned a woman called Eve.  When Adam awoke he saw that which was created just for him and he exclaimed, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh…”  And God said, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”

Standard
Encouragement, Marriage, Postmarital

Be Your Spouse’s Cheerleader (for women only)

Most men enjoy some type of sporting event and at most any level of competition, men appreciate cheerleaders.  Cheerleaders cheer on even if the score is totally lopsided in the opponents favor.  Cheerleaders keep the crowd aroused in favor of their team.  Cheerleaders never have a negative remark in their cheers unless it’s meant for the opposition.  Cheerleaders are not critical of the team they represent.  Cheerleaders are dedicated and stick with their team even when it’s a losing season.  Finally, most cheerleaders are female.  Men simply love women cheering them on.  A man can be involved in the most mundane and boring task, but if his wife offers a word of encouragement and praise for a job well done, that boring task takes on a whole new meaning and his attitude can change immediately .

The Proverbs 31 woman operated in this manner.  Her husband has full confidence in her.  Why?  Verse 12 says that she brings him good, not harm for all her days (she was his cheerleader).  In verse 23 the scripture states that her husband is a respected elder and sits at the city gate (she made him look good by speaking good of him).  Proverbs 31 directly infers that because of his wife he is at the gate of leadership, respected by his community.  While at this gate, not only do her children sing her praises, her husband blesses and praises her (v. 28).  She has sown those seeds and now she is reaping praise in return.  Ladies, be your husband’s cheerleader and not just  their critic.

Standard
Marriage, Postmarital

Three Reality Questions in Marriage (continued)

 

Our last question in this series is: Do you have the mentality of an owner or a renter in marriage?  I was talking to a friend who is a landlord.  One of his tenants wanted a screen door placed on the back door entrance.  He told them, “sure.”  He went to the store, purchased a screen door, installed it and then placed the cost on the renter’s next month rent.  Of course the renter had a fit and blew up at his landlord saying, “It’s not my property; it’s your door and it’s a permanent improvement to your property, I am not paying for it!”  In other words, I want it, I request it, but I’m not paying for it.  It’s a renter’s mentality. A renter does what’s best for himself, not the owner.

Since the flood last year, I have had a nagging issue with a finished back basement wall in my house that gets damp.  We have torn it apart and rebuilt it only to have moisture show up again.  We have now torn it apart a second time.  I am the owner, I will do whatever it takes and spend whatever money it takes to make that wall dry again.  It’s an owner’s mentality.  An owner does what’s best for the property at their own cost and sacrifice.  Too many couples are renters today – they’re out the back door while owing three months rent.  They damage each other and really do not care, they have no long-term commitment.  They’ll walk by the weeds everyday and not bend over to pull them.  They have little investment and do not think in terms of making an investment in the marriage.  Marriage is designed by God for owners to become holy.  We start with a romantic love attraction and build to a committed love; then move to a maturing love in order to eventually reach a best friend love.

Owners invest their own sweat equity, their life savings and their day-to-day care to repair, clean and manage their property.  Why?  It’s a lifetime investment.  It’s an asset, not a liability.  An owner is driven by their heart.  As an owner, you desire an increase in value over time.  An owner looks like an owner, walks like an owner and talks like an owner.  Question: Do you take ownership for being healed and bringing healing to your marriage?  Are you in your marriage for the lifetime investment and have a passion for an increase in value?  If you answer “yes” to these questions, then you are taking ownership and growing an asset.

Standard
Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital

Three Reality Questions in Marriage (continued)

Question number two is: Do you realize there is no perfect marriage?  Only one relationship on this earth started out perfectly: Adam and Eve.  Their world was perfect, their jobs were perfect and their walk with God was amazing and daily.  Adam and Eve chose to walk away from perfection and by the second generation one of their children committed murder.  Marriage is not Christian; it’s a creation act of God predating our Christian faith.  Adam recognized his need for a partner after naming the animals just as God recognized Adam’s aloneness.  He put Adam to sleep, anesthetized him and created Eve from his side.  A life mate, a helper, a woman was God’s idea and would form the basis of our society – one man with one woman.  Marriage is not perfect because two individuals with lots of brokenness and needs say “I do” out of attraction, love and “similarity.”  Within 30 days this very commitment begins to be tested and we quickly discover we married someone unlike us!

It is God’s story to begin to hold us together through our differences.  You see, my wife, Mary, is what I am not and I am what Mary is not, but together we make an amazing and whole team.  Ephesians 5: 25-27 says that, as men, we are called to love our wife as Christ lives His church.  We are not Jesus, but we are His representative.  Men, we are our wives healer; we are to reflect Christ to her.  Your wife is worth Christ’s death on the cross for her.  Your husband is worth the beating and bruising your Lord took for him.  Behind discord, wrong motives, insecurity and marriage failure is unrepentant sin.  To love your spouse is to give your life and your love to them to the point that you bring healing to insecurity, rejection, low esteem, self-hate, etc.

There is no perfect marriage, because there is no perfect spouse.  However, the longer we are married, the more settled we become, the more healed we become as an individual and the more healing we bring to one another.

Standard
Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital

Three Reality Questions in Marriage

Last week, we ended this blog by saying, “There is no greater mirror of who you are than your spouse.”  I am not sure how many of you thought about that imagery, but after making such a statement I am hoping that you, in turn, received the following question, “How do I need to change so that I see an improving reflection of myself in my life mate?”  In order to move in that direction, here are three reality questions for you: 1. Do you realize that when you married, you were broken and you married into brokenness?  2. Do you realize there is no perfect marriage?  3. Do you have the mentality of an owner or a renter in marriage?

Question number one is, “Do we realize that we are all born into brokenness?  We all have imperfect families, wounded backgrounds and personality difficulties.  When we found the “perfect” person, we found someone like ourselves – in need of healing.  While weddings reflect perfection, i.e., perfect clothes, flowers, beauty and pageantry, they are actually filled with imperfect people and reality will set in eventually.  We take pictures at weddings in order to somehow attempt to remember how perfect things can or did look at one time.  In actuality, a reality wedding ought to look somewhat different.  Both the bride and groom should be wearing their oldest, tore up attire with bleeding wounds exposed and gauze wrapped around them like lace.  They should be pushing along their IV’s while trying to walk with crutches – not a pretty sight, but a sight of reality.  Psalm 51:5 says, “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.”

Marriage has a way of drawing the worst or the best out of us.  We’ll look at question number two next week and in the future some God steps of healing.

Standard
Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital

Marriage is a Mirror into Our Lives

In the book, Sacred Marriage, author Gary Thomas says that God did not give us marriage to make us happy, but to make us more like Him.  God’s idea for marriage predates Christianity and goes back to the Garden of Eden.  Marriage was an act of creation by God.  Adam recognized a need in his life and so did his Creator.  God’s solution?  The gift of Eve.  God created a mate, once again in His image and likeness to be a life partner.  It was and is God’s idea for the basis of our society.

Initially, we are attracted to one another by our similarities, but that’s before we say “I do.”  Ninety days into the marriage we realize we married someone who is not like us and that’s God’s story.  It is God’s story to begin to hold us together through our differences.  You see, Mary is what I am not and I am what Mary is not.  But, together, we make an amazing team.  Under the New Covenant, as men, we are called to reflect Christ to our wives.  Is there a resemblance men?  As women, you are to reflect the Christ found within your husband.  If we are not working toward becoming more like Christ, then whose image will we reflect?  There is no greater mirror of who you are than your spouse.

Standard
Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital

Weathering the Storms of Marriage

The East coast is getting pounded with hurricane Sandy as I write this.  The winds are increasing in speed, the rain is pouring down, the creeks, rivers and tide waters are rising as the power companies are on standby alert.  It’s frightening and exciting all at the same time.  We’ve seen storms before, as well as hurricane’s, but this is to be “one of the worst.”  I have prepared with tying everything down, bringing items into the garage, storing food and water and purchasing extra gasoline.  Not sure what else to do other than wait it out, pray and watch out for our neighbors’ needs.  Marriage storms are a bit similar, i.e., unpredictable at times, can’t really know the intensity, and unaware of the potential damages forthcoming.  The main difference may be in getting caught off guard due to the fact that we don’t possess an internal doppler radar system for predicting marriage storms.

Storms, however, are unavoidable within our marriages.  When two people are close enough to see and feel emotional rises and experience power and control losses, damages may occur.  In the eye of the storm (or heat of the argument) we tend to become short with one another and allow words to be spoken that under normal circumstances we would never say.  Emotions seem to force the parts of us that we like to keep hidden, those parts that only relational hardship and pressure will release.  We push back in an offensive manner only to find a stronger wind blowing from our partner against us.  What do we do?  Getting louder accentuates emotional response for yourself and your mate.  Proverbs tells us that a quiet answer turns away anger.  But a quiet answer doesn’t really get our point across.  Ephesians says to speak the truth, but simply speaking the truth can be mean-spirited.  What’s the key?  Speaking to the storm in a quiet tone of voice, telling the truth with love and grace as an anesthesia and maintaining a spirit of love will increase your chances for minimal damages.  When the damages are minimal, there’s a lot less clean up work.

Standard