Tag Archives: Healing

Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Healing, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Marriage, Men, Parents, Postmarital, Women

Does Going Through a Rough Patch in Our Marriage Disqualify Us from Ministry?

Every marriage has it challenges and some more than others. Does that disqualify us from ministry in our local church or elsewhere? The answer? Yes and no.

The first step is assessment. How long have we had this struggle? Is it a repeated struggle? Have we sought counsel for this particular issue? Do we avoid finding solutions? Are we actively trying to find solutions? Are we being stubborn and refusing personal change? Are either one of us in active sin? Are we blaming our spouse solely for the struggle and not taking any personal responsibility? 

The answers to these questions can help us determine whether we should be involved in ministry during this season of our relationship.

We recently experienced a couple sharing with us they feel disqualified for entering a couples’ ministry at this time because they are attempting to work through some of their own marriage issues. I asked them if they ever struggle raising their children or have they made huge mistakes in parenting. They said, “yes.” I then asked them if they should stop parenting or perhaps consider adopting out their children. As ridiculous as that sounds, sometimes it’s just as ridiculous to think disqualification from ministry over aggressively pursuing marital healing.

You must know if you can minister to others while experiencing conflict yourself, but neither does the conflict always disqualify you from serving others. It is out of our own pain sometimes that we learn to help others. And healed people can bring healing to many!

The key is, after assessment, chase healing. Give it everything you have and pursue growth in your marriage and in your individual lives. As we heal individually, our marriage will also experience healing. There is no perfect marriage, but we serve a perfect Savior who possesses all the answers we need for our daily life challenges!

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Prayer

Healed of a Blood Disorder

Have you suffered with an illness for a long time? Perhaps you’ve seen numerous doctors only to still have multiple symptoms. Twelve long years a woman, who is described in the Bible, dealt with a bleeding disorder. 

One day she heard the news that Jesus was coming her way. She caught wind that this Jesus was a “healer” or something of the sort. All else had failed her; why not try to get near Him? This woman, with forceful determination, pushed her way through the crowd, and with certain faith got close enough to touch Jesus.

The Gospel of Matthew relates this true story in chapter nine. It records that she came up from behind Him and simply touched the edge of His outer garment thinking to herself, “If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed.” (verse 21)

Jesus immediately turned and caught her hopeful eyes. Rather than rebuke her for touching Him He said, “Take heart, daughter, your faith has healed you.” Can you imagine? Twelve years of suffering gone in an instant of reckless, yet relentless faith. When Jesus turned, she knew that He knew who touched Him. Such a powerful moment recorded for us to have similar faith for healing.

It happened to me

It was 1976, my second year of marriage. I was leaving the military and applying for a job with a military contractor. I got the job but had to qualify by passing a medical exam. I failed the exam!

I thought I was a perfectly healthy 22-year-old who would fly through any medical exam. Not so. I had a low white blood cell count and had to subject myself to multiple blood drawings. Each time my white cell count became lower. Finally, a bone marrow test was ordered.

My newly married wife, a nurse, had fears of the worst – leukemia. The night before the bone marrow exam was to take place, the elders of our local church prayed for me. (You will see this in the scripture recorded in James 5: 14-16.)  

My marrow was tested and no disorder discovered. From that point, I had to endure blood drawing two times a week, but every time the results came back my white cell count was improving. It improved to normality.

I had touched the edge of that same garment and was healed!

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Identity, In the news, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Parents

Wasting Your Life Blaming Others

I can’t begin to tell you how many people who entered my counseling office over numerous years attributed all of their life issues to another person or persons. It can always be someone else’s fault. Why? We are very good at finding others to blame.

We can blame:

  • Our parents
  • Our spouse
  • Our ex-spouse
  • Our boss
  • Our coworkers

The list could go on and on. But here is a word of counsel that you can take to the bank:

As long as we feel we can blame another for our problems, we will never know wholeness for that area of our lives.

Said another way:

When you stop blaming others, you will then begin your journey to wellness.

When we constantly and consistently blame others for our life problems, we will breed entitlement in our life. Entitlement is an immature “others owe me” mentality. And, they owe me because of what they did to me. Entitlement will breed victimhood. 

Victims do not have to change because…well, they’re victims. Victims remain victims because our culture embraces victimhood as an excuse to live with a life controlling problem. Victims will have a distorted view of reality because they suffered and need others to understand that things happened “to” them. Victimhood will breed unforgiveness. 

Unforgiveness will support us in maintaining a depressed and unthankful heart. It keeps us in the unhealthy state of “That person does not deserve my forgiveness of them.” Unforgiving people are unhappy, unthankful and unhealthy persons.

Maybe your parent was abusive and it started a vicious cycle of hurt and pain. In that case, you are an innocent victim of your parent’s abuse. You may have the option of spending your life blaming your parent(s) and I guess you’d have every right to do so, but staying in blame and not pursuing personal healing only hurts you, not them. 

Jesus was a victim of unjust persecution, as were many in the scriptures.

Jesus knew that ultimately there was a purpose in His suffering and nothing would deter Him from His goal of salvation for all. Even when suffering, Jesus did not adopt a victim mentality. 

Blaming others and walking in longterm victimhood will never allow us to see our own failures, our personal shortcomings. We’ll see the splinter in others’ eyes, but not the log in our own. It will rob us of the initiative to change.

Blaming others and becoming a victim destroys the relationships around us. You cannot dialogue with or challenge someone who is always innocent and right. They simply will not take responsibility for their wrongdoings and wrong words. By the way, this is also why “identity politics” fails so miserably. It constantly creates victims (good people) and oppressors (bad people). There is no healing in this victim-filled mentality.

To heal means you must stop blaming others for your ills and to stop expecting others to fix you or make life right for you.

We need to own our reactions to our hurts and what we tell ourselves about them. To rise above blaming others is to take on the attitude of Christ and His sufferings. Listen to what Peter wrote about suffering.

Do not repay evil with evil, or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called…But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened…[that] those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. (I Peter 3: 9,14,16)

So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good. (I Peter 4:19)

God knows what you suffered at the hands of another. He suffered with you. When we turn our victim status over to Him and receive His healing, we will become victors.

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