Author Archives: calledtogether

Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Men, Parents, Prayer, Singles, Women

Your Beating Heart in 2024

Your heart beats 60 to 100 times per minute. Rarely do we take notice. 

Recently a friend found himself in the emergency room with a serious heart issue. He would need emergency surgery. After the surgery, he told me he had little to no symptoms of a serious heart anomaly. It was rather silent, but death was imminent if the condition was not addressed immediately.

You have a heartbeat. Every moment of your life is dependent upon it. If it stops, your life is over. If you exercise, your heart beats. If you do nothing at all, your heart beats. When you’re wasting time on earth, your heart is still beating. 

When we fail, when we sin, our heart is beating. When depressed or in anxiety, our heart fights to continue to beat normally. When joy and laughter is present, our heart beats. 

You and I are a living, walking miracles of God’s creation. Your heart started beating while you were in your mother’s womb and will not stop until you take your last breath. Your life is a gift from your heavenly Father. You exist because God called you into existence. And that is why your heart beats. 

So throughout 2024, stop taking life for granted, do not misuse it, do not waste it–treasure your existence. Live your life worthy of each and every heartbeat you’ve been blessed with. 

Love God. Be generous. Be kind. Be thankful. Walk in peace and daily count your blessings.

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.  (Psalm 139:13-16)

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day

What Will You Not Do in the New Year?

We have spent a month on goals and change for this new year, but what about the idea of not doing certain things in the year ahead?

A year has 365 days. That’s a lot of days to make a change or to simply hit the repeat button and not make any changes. We can spend 365 days doing the same things we did in the prior 365 days, keeping our year looking pretty much the same. And, we can do that year after year. 

But is that what God desires in our lives? Should we continue to be creatures of habit? Nature repeats itself, but that doesn’t mean we should. Routines can be harmful and doing them year after year makes them permanent in our lives. However, we do have a different option: to not keep repeating ourselves.

God’s way for our lives is often a new way, not a repetitive way. We can’t walk with God and not change. We cannot allow our spirit being connected to His Spirit to simply follow in old, oftentimes harmful, repetitious ways. The scriptures reveal He is making all things new. (See Isaiah 43:19; Revelation 21:5; Romans 6:4.) God’s way is a supernatural way. 

Be encouraged to live on earth in a way that brings down heavenly ways, heavenly thoughts and actions. There is a newness in His Spirit if we are willing to seek first the kingdom of God (Matthew 6:33). 

To know God’s ways, we must read His word daily. We must converse with Him throughout each and every day. We must ask Him what He would do. And then, we must listen for His voice, following all of this with obedience.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Men, Parents, Small Groups, Training, Women

Ten Words of Wisdom for the New Year

In case you haven’t noticed, my blogs for the month of January are committed to making personal change and incorporating wisdom for the New Year. Find words of wisdom from the writer of the book of Proverbs found in the Old Testament of the Bible. 

This book is filled with wisdom and I love to read it annually. Solomon, the author, begins by reminding us we are not to forget these teachings and commands because in obeying them they will “prolong life and bring us prosperity” (Proverbs 3:1-2). Now there is a promise to hold on to. Here are ten more wise sayings to incorporate into your life.

  1. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6) How easy is it to fall back on our own understanding, but our wisdom is so limited. We will quickly come to the end of ourselves and our knowledge. We must integrate the knowledge of God’s understanding.
  2. “The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.” (Proverbs 11:3) Integrity will guide you; deceitful ways will destroy you. Walk in high moral character and integrity. It takes a lifetime to build integrity and only minutes to lose it.
  3. “A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.” (Proverbs 11:25) Generosity will prosper you! Jesus said to give and you will be given unto to. It’s simple, it’s true, and it’s life-altering.
  4. “An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.” (Proverbs 12:25) Anxiety, fear of the future, (mostly unfounded) will weigh us down. Kind words and truth-filled thoughts will cheer us up.
  5. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1) When someone is arguing with us, raising their voice, and we use the same volume, anger will be continue. But when we can give a gentle response, it will lower the volume and keep the discussion more friendly.
  6. “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18) Humility is one of the godliest traits one can embrace in life. Pride will keep us from changing because it keeps us in a defensive, self-justifying mode.
  7. “He who answers before listening–that is his folly and his shame.” (Proverbs 18:13) Listening is an acquired skill. Practice listening with your spouse and with your children. Before answering, make sure they are finished with what they need to say. Listening is showing honor.
  8. “The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender.” (Proverbs 22:7) Remember before you borrow money, you will become a servant to the lender. The lender has that power over you. Throughout your life, make every effort to become debt-free and use credit responsively.
  9. “He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” (Proverbs 28:13) Do you want to prosper? Be honest; be accountable to God and with a spiritual leader about your sin. Do not try to conceal your sin because your heavenly Father loves you enough to reveal it. And don’t just confess it; renounce it–cut if off!
  10. “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.” (Proverbs 29:25) It seems the scripture repeatedly reminds us that we have two choices: fear of man or trust in the Lord. You can’t have it both ways. Do not be ensnared in the fear of man (the pleasing of man versus the pleasing and the pleasure of trusting God). 

There you have it–ten wonderful, life-giving words of wisdom for 2024. Pass them on to your family, your friends, your co-workers, and your neighbors.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Issues of the Day, Men, Parents, Singles, Small Groups, Training, Women

Change Is Hard: The Law of Constant Use

Have you set goals for 2024? Do you know what you desire to accomplish and when you desire to accomplish it? Maybe you have some goals left over from 2023. I know I do. 

But what about personal life goals? How do we see growth and change in our personal lives? Dealing with oneself is often a bit more challenging.

First and foremost, let’s remember God changes the heart. He brings His truth to us with His request for change. So, change begins with a heart to obey God and make the changes He is requesting of us. In fact, His word reveals that we show Him how much we love Him by how willing we are to obey Him. (See John 14:15.)

From the conviction in our heart, the scriptures give us a pattern for change and I like to refer to it as The Law of Constant Use.

The Law of Constant Use provides a three-part scriptural process for change from what we are accustomed to doing to what God desires of us. How does it work and how do we start the process of change?

Jeremiah 13:23 reveals, “Can the Ethiopian change his skin or the leopard its spots? Neither can you do good who are accustomed to doing evil.” What are you “accustomed to” doing? We become so accustomed to our actions and our thoughts that we often go through life without asking ourselves whether what we think, what we believe and what we do is correct.

The second verse in this process of change is, “All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.” (Proverbs 14:23) It is hard work to change. Don’t let anybody fool you or tell you it’s easy. This verse reminds us that true change is not just talking about change. We all have known those persons who have promised change, but yet never deliver. Why?

When we have programed ourselves to think a certain way or act a certain way, the reprograming part takes effort. We all have believed things that are simply not true about ourselves or others. And yet, we continued in those beliefs until we were confronted with the truth. However, even then we may have struggled to believe something different. We tend to always give ourselves and our beliefs the benefit of the doubt.

There is a third step in this process. Hebrews 5:12-14 wisely records, “In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.”

The Spirit of God wants to bring forth a new reality, that which you may not be accustomed to. He wants to take you from the milk of His word to the meat, a maturation process of change. He is letting us know that past experience is not necessarily present reality. God in our spirit is retraining us to be accustomed to His voice, His reality and His will. And by “constant use” we can experience change that becomes permanent!

Yes, change is challenging, but when God is at the center of the desired change, He makes a way for correcting our course. He provides a path for change. When we constantly incorporate His truth, His thoughts and His ways, enduring change will take place in our lives.

What do you (or perhaps better asked, what does God) desire to change in you in this brand-new year He has given?

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Challenge, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Prayer

Worry Less; Pray More – Pray More; Worry Less

There’s a lot to worry about! Everyone worries–right? 

What do you worry about? Your job? Your kids? Your marriage? Your future? Your health?

Why do we worry? What is it about human nature that gives us permission to worry? Is it feeling out of control? Is it overthinking? Or, are we trying to manipulate outcomes in our head? 

Worry is often connected to the future and what hasn’t occurred as yet. Worry can be very self-centered but not always. Worry keeps us clinging onto our own personal control of an issue. Worry carries with it the connotation that I know best or I control my circumstances. 

We all worry. We all live a life experiencing the inability to maintain full control, and that, is worrisome. When we lack control we worry, we obsess, we overthink and we lose sleep. 

Rick Warren says, “[Worry] can’t change the past, and it can’t change the future–but it can certainly ruin the present.” Worry will steal our joy and our happiness. It will rob us of our peace. 

Here is one of the best statements I have read when it comes to worry: “Worry is a conversation you have with yourself about things you cannot change. Prayer is a conversation you have with God about things He can change.” So, yes, prayer is the antidote for worry.

But that’s easier said than done. Worry seems like a natural and a quicker go-to than prayer. Maybe it’s just the way the enemy of our soul wants it because worry negates prayer. Said another way, worry is the opposite of prayer. Worry forces me to work out the situation while prayer puts the pressure upon God to bring the solution. When worrying, we can be attempting to control. When we pray, we can sense contentment as we present our petitions to the Father.

What does the Bible have to offer when it comes to worry? Philippians 4:6 states, “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” Wow, that seems simple enough–worry about nothing and pray about everything!

And what did Jesus say when it comes to worry? “Don’t worry about tomorrow. After all, tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:34) 

When we turn things over to God, we are at the same time confessing that we cannot control the situation. We are acting in submission to God and trusting His outcome. We worry about things that are out of our control, while God insists we accept that very lack of control and fully realize His control. Prayer will change your perspective and it will change you. Choosing prayer is letting go of control and trusting God for His outcome, not yours. 

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Identity, In the news, Issues of the Day

Prince of Peace

Over 700 years BEFORE Christ’s birth the prophet Isaiah wrote:

For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders.

And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. (Isaiah 9:6)

Handel’s Messiah included these words and choirs have been singing them since the year 1741.

Our English word, peace, has far more meaning than we realize. In Hebrew, the word is “Shalom.” It is often used by Jews and other nationalities as a word of greeting. Shalom has many beautiful and meaningful definitions. In the Hebrew, it is far more than just peace. It can mean completeness, cessation, repose, safety, soundness, tranquility, prosperity, fullness, harmony, lack of worry, and the absence of anxiety. That takes peace to a whole new level!

This peace from the Christ child has amazing meaning for our lives today. It is:

  1. Restorative – Through His peace we are restored to the Father. “For he himself is our peace…He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.” (Ephesians 2: 14-18)
  • Harmony – We can have harmony and peace with all of life’s circumstances and disappointments. When we rest in Him, find our completeness and our fullness in Him, we can be at peace no matter the situation. “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:7)
  • Reigning – Jesus reigns in peace! He rules in our hearts and His peace is eternal. (See Revelation 21:3-4.) “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.” (Isaiah 26:3) That word “steadfast” literally means that we can lean into and rest upon His peace!

When someone greets you or signs off a letter with the Hebrew word for peace, shalom, they are repeating what Jesus pronounced while on the earth: 

“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” (John 14:27)

Many things can attempt to steal our peace this Christmas season. There are wars and rumors of wars, broken relationships, diseases, financial worries and more. But the Prince of Peace has come, has returned to the Father and is coming again. He bids you Shalom.

Glory to God in the highest, 

    And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!  (Luke 2:14)

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Premarital, Women

Marriage Issues are “Our” Issues

Someone recently commented to my wife and I, “Wow, it encourages us to know that Steve and Mary had marriages issues too.” They were reading about our marriage in our book, Staying Together. We laughed as we confessed there is no perfect couple or perfect marriage.

In the book, we describe something traumatic that occurred to Mary, my wife. And in the book, we described how it affected our marriage for several years. 

An issue Mary was dealing with became a marriage issue because we are one. What affects Mary affects Steve; what affects Steve affects Mary. 

I could have gone on in life and lived in a manner that blamed her for the issue. I could have told her to get counseling for herself without me by her side. I could have distanced myself from the issues that were causing other issues and simply said, “It’s your problem; get it fixed.”

But is that the right approach in marriage? Is that showing marital commitment? Is that caring for another’s needs? Husbands and wives take this approach everyday saying, “It’s not my problem.” But if we’re married–if we’re one–then it is not his or her problem, it is our problem. When I make it my spouse’s problem, I am saying that I do not need to change, I do not need to support them and I do not need to be concerned. But, when I make it our problem, we are then walking and working together toward solutions and a better and a stronger outcome.

Marriage is a gift of oneness. There are three mentions of oneness in the scriptures: God the Father, Son and Spirit are one. Jesus and His church are one. A husband and a wife are one. 

As one, individual problems become our problems. So, get in there and fight for and alongside your spouse through each and every life issue. Find solutions together. Walk together and pray together. And to that end, find agreement together over any and all life issues.

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Emotions: Good, Bad or Indifferent?

Let’s face it; we all have feelings. For some, feelings control their actions more than others. 

Have you ever really thought about the process of how you and I arrive at our feelings? There actually is an underlying and explainable process. 

Feelings or emotions are a result of our thoughts. If I tell you a joke and you think it’s funny, your response will be to laugh. If you don’t think it’s funny, you will not laugh. While that’s simply stated, it is the reality. Feelings are more accurately defined as responses or reactions to our thoughts. 

When you have a feeling that you don’t understand try this exercise: stop and listen to your thoughts. Practice listening to yourself and you will identify what is instigating your feelings. If you’re feeling angry or agitated, what were you just thinking about? If you can capture that thought, you will have identified the source of your anger. 

For example, when people say, “You make me so angry!” That’s not really accurate. The truth is what the other person is doing or saying is interpreted by you and is creating certain thoughts. From those thoughts you choose the response of anger. That’s why there can be dozens of cars stuck in a traffic jam with multiple reactions. Some persons are out of their car trying to discover what’s wrong, others are beeping their horn or becoming agitated due to the holdup and yet others are taking the unwanted interruption to read a book. All different reactions to the very same problem because each of us generate different thoughts about how we’re interpreting our environment. 

Are feelings good? Generally speaking, yes. God created us with the capacity to feel. However, when feelings become more important than truth we can get ourselves into trouble. What do I mean?

If our thinking is not truth filled, we are then reacting to a lie or a near truth. Consequently, our feelings are not based on truth. When our feelings or reactions are not based on truth, our responses can be skewed. 

Is there a connection between positive and negative thoughts to our emotions? Yes, there is. No one is a positive thinker 100% of the time. But positive thoughts generate more positive feelings and that’s very real. That said, we can also lie to ourselves and manipulate those feelings. Having constant negative thoughts about ourself or others does create more negative responses. 

Thankfully, not every thought is processed through our feelings. For example, when approaching a stop sign my automated response is to stop because I see the sign, my brain knows the law and I begin the braking process. I do not ask myself if I feel like stopping. Stopping at a stop sign is not an emotion-generating process. However, if someone runs a red light and endangers my family, I will have an emotional response.

I hope this has been helpful to you. Feelings are reactions to our thoughts. Solomon wrote, “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty. And he who rules his spirit than he who captures a city.” (Proverbs 16:32)

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Marriage, Men, Postmarital, Premarital, Women

Conflict in our Marriages: Why We have Them

Conflict is easy; resolve is hard!

Most of us know how to do conflict, argue, disagree and/or fight, but few of us know how to resolve, come into agreement and heal conflict in our marriages. That’s what this blog is about. So, let’s start with a few facts:

  1. Even in conflict we need to maintain a right attitude toward one another. Conflict is not always detrimental in marriage, but it does test our faith, our patience and our personal level of grace. According to the scripture, it also develops character (Romans 5:3-5; James 1: 2-4). In marriage, we are often “using” one another to help smooth out our character. Our conflicts can be (will be?) deeper because our love is deeper.
  1. James said to let perseverance finish its work so we can mature. The natural response to conflict is more conflict, a desire to win or bailing out, quitting. But when we push through, pray through and persevere through the trial the outcome will be perseverance doing its work. The problem is too many couples quit, give up and believe it cannot be resolved or they want others to resolve it for them. The truth is the more we persevere, the more victory we will eventually have. Ask any couple who fought through financial differences, persevered, stuck to a budget until they saw the reward and you will find a couple who is extremely strong in the financial realm.
  2. Whatever we sow, we reap. Sowing and reaping is at work in our marriages. If we sow the negative, we will reap it. Typically, we sow discontentment and criticism because we’re not getting what we want. The seed of criticism cannot produce the fruit we’re looking for. In the midst of disagreement think about what good seeds you can sow.
  3. Don’t give the enemy a foothold by not coming to resolve (Ephesians 4:26-27). A marriage that holds bitterness, sows negative seeds and criticism, etc. is not doing what Peter said when he told us to be considerate of our wives and treat them with respect so our prayers are not hindered. In other words, prayer will be powerless in the home of disrespect, discontentment and the lack of peace.
  4. Be aware of what Paul called selfish ambition (Philippians 2:1-2). Most of our conflict is over selfish preferences rather than desiring the best for one another. 
  5. As conflicts are resolved, God uses those areas in our lives to help others. I know that sounds far off, but it’s true. We will have authority to speak into that which we have had to grow through and have experienced winning the battles. Believe God for win/wins.
  6. Lastly, we are to love deeply. I Peter 4:8 tells us “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” Love often means overlooking, forgetting and not pointing out failures. It’s a “keeps no record of wrong” position. 

God wants you to be able to resolve conflict and I believe He gives us the tools to do so. Obviously, we both need to stick to the plan He gives us and press forward believing by faith for His outcome to our marriage as hard as it is at times. Conflicts are not the problem, we all have them, but not resolving them sure is.

Here’s a possible assignment: Write down the common triggers in your relationship that tend to cause conflict and discuss why and how. Ask God to bring healing to those areas in your lives. Remember, your spouse is not your enemy but rather your life mate who loves you and desires the best for you.

The more healed we become individually, the more healing our marriage will experience. 

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, History, Issues of the Day, Prayer

Thanksgiving, A Time of Hope, Remembrance and Healing

How great is it to have a National Day of Thanksgiving in the USA and many other nations, approximately eleven other nations celebrate a day of giving thanks.

It is thought the first Thanksgiving was celebrated with the Plymouth colonists in 1621. The Native American Wampanoag people shared an autumn feast with the colonists. For the next two centuries, thanksgiving days were celebrated individually by differing colonies in multiple states. Pilgrims were known for days of fasting and prayer along with days of feasting and giving thanks to God.

In the midst of the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln proclaimed a national Thanksgiving Day to be held in November, but that day wasn’t easy to come by. 

The woman who wrote the nursery rhyme “Mary Had a Little Lamb,” Sarah Josepha Hale, campaigned endlessly with governors, senators and presidents for 36 years. Lincoln headed her request in 1863 with the proclamation for all Americans to ask God to “commend to his tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife” and to “heal the wounds of the nation.”

Wow, a day of thanksgiving to heal the wounds of a nation. We live in nations filled with the wounded. We see multiple wars on the earth today wounding so many more. To stop and give God thanks in an effort to bring healing to the many “wounded” around us, well, that’s just amazing and seems only right.

Giving thanks is something God’s word admonishes us to do repeatedly. To have a thankful heart helps us to not dwell on what we feel is wrong, inhibits complaining, releases others from personal judgments, and simply is a healthy way to live our lives spiritually, mentally and physically. So, to help you, here are a few thanksgiving verses:

Psalm 106:1 – Praise the Lord! Give thanks to the Lord for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.

Psalm 69:30 – Then I will praise God’s name with singing, and I will honor him with thanksgiving.

Psalm 92:1-2 – It is good to give thanks to the Lord, to sing praises to the Most High. It is good to proclaim your unfailing love in the morning, your faithfulness in the evening.

Colossians 3:17 – And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father. 

Colossians 4:2 – Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart.

                    Have a happy and blessed Thanksgiving!!

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