Accountability is not a popular topic these days. We love our freedom and our independence to decide for ourselves without the restriction of someone “looking over our shoulder.” We can find it intrusive and cast it off as, “my business is my business.” The problem with that line of thinking is it’s truly un-biblical. Could you imagine Jesus saying, “Listen to my teaching and watch me heal the sick, but realize that my personal life is none of your business?” Or, how about if Paul the Apostle shared with the church in Corinth, “I am going to call out your sin, but you dare not call out mine?” We simply do not live as unto ourselves.
Accountability is when you or I walk in a certain conviction, but realize we need help from others. We are encouraged to go to our overseer, leader or friend and humbly describe to them what it is we need accountability in. Here are four steps to help make accountability a lifestyle.
1. We approach someone and make an inquiry to see if they are up to the task of asking us a few difficult questions. You’ll need to be explicit in what it is you desire to be held accountable in.
2. Then give the person(s) some actual questions they can ask and how often you desire them to be asked. How severe the issue you are dealing with determines how often you meet and are being held accountable.
3. Further, ask them to call you randomly, outside actual face-to-face meetings (text and email are good too, but calls are best). This provides an element of surprise.
4. As well, be sure to let them know to change it up. In other words, give them permission and encouragement to ask you about other areas of your life.
We will be held accountable to God (Romans 14:12), but opening up our lives and having help while still on earth can cause tremendous growth in our lives. Who are you accountable to?
Author Gary Thomas once proposed this scenario, “You may opt for a divorce, but you cannot ever engage in sex again with anyone else for the rest of your life.” The obvious question that would follow would be just how many couples would actually divorce? Perhaps some women, but I am guessing very few men. I remember studying divorce and remarriage from every angle for our book, Called Together. We wanted to write what was biblically correct, while at the same time not provoke any unnecessary pain in those who have been through such devastation.
If the answer to the question of why there is evil in the world is found in the fall of man recorded in Genesis chapter three, then what could possibly change our evil heart? Jeremiah wrote, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (17:9) Wow, “beyond cure” and who could possibly “understand it?” That could make us feel that we are without hope and our heart will forever be deceitful. But wait, there is an answer because, “…the Lord searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts.” (I Chronicles 28:9) And the Psalmist, David, prayed, “Create in me a pure heart, O God…” Could that be possible and if so, how?
Far too many parents train their children to view mom and dad as having all power over them. We don’t necessarily try this, but somehow it comes across fairly often. For example, have you ever heard a parent say this, “Because I said so?” And then there is this one, “Just do this one more (fill in the blank) and then you can go and play.” Neither of these examples empowers your children; they actually train your child into thinking that you are more powerful and it’s that power they need to resign themselves to. I have news for you; the use of power is often void of relationship. One day that power will be resisted, tested or simply ignored. Where does it lead?
Have you ever asked or been asked the question, “Why is there so much evil in the world?” Or, have you been confronted by the person who wants you to defend your faith, all the while, claiming that if there truly were a “loving” God, humanity would not suffer as it does? I have also struggled to answer that question. But perhaps there is an answer, an answer that is very difficult to admit. An answer that is not so complicated and one in which you do not need to be God’s defense attorney.
Jeremiah said* that we didn’t listen, but rather followed the stubbornness of our own evil hearts. Isaiah said woe to those who call evil good and good evil, trying to be wise in their futile understanding. Jesus told us that out of our heart would come evil thoughts, murder, sexual immorality and other sins. He spoke these words, “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say?” (Luke 6:45, 46) There is no escaping it; you and I, along with each person asking the question, are to blame. What is being “stored up” in your heart today?
Sometimes I wish Jesus had picked an easier second commandment to follow like not worshipping idols. That would be really easy to do these days. I think it would provoke me to no end to bow down to a statue and thus, I would not suffer in my flesh or my emotions in obedience. He didn’t give us that option, however.
Thankfulness is a decision. On a recent trip outside of the country, I was talking to a lady who was undergoing chemotherapy. She told me how thankful she was for her health and her life. Her condition and her smile seemed incongruous, but thankfulness oozed from her spirit. Thankfulness made a difference in light of what she was suffering. I stopped to think about how a thankful spirit is so different from that of a critical one. In the Scriptures we are encouraged to give thanks at all times and I suppose she was fulfilling that verse literally, but beyond that she seemed genuinely happy and at peace.
Another idea might be to celebrate communion together as a family and together rejoice in what Christ has sacrificed for us. Perhaps you might want to even read the following verses together before you pray and give thanks to God for all of His blessings:
Sorry guys, but your wife does not desire you to fix her like you fix the car or repair the broken dryer. But what she does desire is for you to attentively listen to her. I learned this lesson late one evening after a long day at the office counseling couples and individuals. Still in my “counseling mode,” Mary was running her day by me while I kept interrupting her with what she should have said or what she should have done in each case. Finally, in exasperation she quipped, “Oh, you’re the GREAT counselor swooping in to fix me and others!” What…? I was thinking, “She didn’t just respond that way when I was simply trying to help her did she?”
Steve Prokopchak 