Category Archives: Children

Children, Encouragement, History, In the news, Issues of the Day, Just for fun, Parents

It’s Christmas!

Christmas is that wonderful time of year when we celebrate the birth of Christ with our families and the world. This season is celebrated around the world in different forms and fashions, but the holiday is dedicated to remembering and rejoicing in the birth of our Savior and Redeemer, Christ.

Here are some fun facts about Christmas gathered for your family enjoyment:

  • The tallest Christmas tree ever displayed was in Seattle, Washington. It measured 221 feet tall.  
  • The top six Christmas tree producing states are Oregon, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, Michigan, Washington and Wisconsin.
  • Buying all the gifts from the “12 Days of Christmas” song would cost you a ton of money. The most expensive being “Swans a Swimming.”
  • When the candy cane was created in Germany, it was made into a “J” for Jesus. The red                 stripes symbolize His blood and the white His purity. 
  • It is a tradition in Japan to eat KFC for Christmas. Orders must be placed two months in advance.
  • 1 in 3 men wait until Christmas Eve to do their shopping.
  • Christmas trees usually grow for close to 15 years before they can be sold. 
  • Bing Crosby’s version of “White Christmas” is the highest-selling single of all time.
  • Christmas lights were so expensive that they used to be rented rather than sold. An electrically lit tree was a status symbol in the early 1900’s.
  • The first Salvation Army collection kettle took place in San Francisco’s Oakland Ferry at the foot of Market St. It was a large crab pot with a sign that read “Keep the Pot Boiling.”  
  • In 2012 there were more than 15,000 holiday decorating injuries during November and December. The most common being falls, 34% of all injuries.  
  • The word “Merry” in Merry Christmas was not always accepted because being merry used to signify slight intemperance.  
  • The Charles W. Howard Santa Claus School in Midland, MI hosts 130 Santas each year where they gather and learn about the history of St. Nick, popular toys and Santa etiquette.  
  • In 1980, the highest selling Christmas toy was a Rubik’s cube for $1.99. It now retails for $10.
  • The abbreviation X in X-Mas is not an abbreviation. It stands for “Chi,” meaning Christ in Greek.  
  • The reason we give presents during Christmas is to symbolize the gifts given to Jesus by the three wise men.

There you have a few facts about Christmas, some rather strange. I pray that your Christmas season is full of fun, family, love, and of course CHRIST!

For a child is born to us,
    a son is given to us.
The government will rest on his shoulders.
    And he will be called:
Wonderful Counselor,[a] Mighty God,
    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
7 His government and its peace
    will never end.
He will rule with fairness and justice from the throne of his ancestor David
    for all eternity.
The passionate commitment of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies
    will make this happen! (Isaiah 9:6, 7 NLT)

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, In the news, Issues of the Day, Parents, Training

Our Children and Their Tech Devices

I am using a tech device as I write this blog. I check my phone for messages multiple times in a day. My only telephone isn’t really a phone but rather a minicomputer. Screen time for many of us has steadily increased year after year. 

And so, we introduce technical devices to our kids. They’re using them in school, and they’re glued to them after school. We’re trying to get them off their devices to eat dinner or do their homework while we’re glued to a screen ourselves. What is the irony in telling a child their screen time is limited when our eyes are attached to our own screen?

A 2016 study by Common Sense Media found that one half of teenagers felt addicted to their mobile devices. And a 2021 study by Common Sense showed a 17% increase to that addiction. They also found teenagers are picking up their phones over 50 times per day!

Children are dying due to social media posts. In a Senate Judiciary Committee hearing on child online safety, Meta founder Mark Zucherburg apologized to parents who say their children experienced bullying or died due to social media content. He said, “I’m sorry for everything you have all been through.” Unfortunately, that apology takes no responsibility for change. 

Social media heavily used by our kids is now connected to mental health issues. Evidence through multiple studies reveals that our children are suffering from cognitive function and compromised learning. Kids are suffering from insomnia, weight loss or gain, vision issues, headaches, anxiety, depression, and loneliness. *

Both South Korea and China now officially recognize “Internet Addiction” as a psychiatric disorder. The Korean government has started “internet rescue camps” for kids “detoxing” from their devices.

Dopamine fuels this addiction, and it is affecting the natural growth of a child’s brain. We are teaching our youth that when stressed, when depressed, or when anxious we can fuel that feeling with some of our own brain chemicals through screen time. Will this addiction lead our children to other addictions with alcohol and drugs, tobacco and food? The research is now showing this to be a strong possibility.

Parents, find activities for your children that are not device related. Get them into sports, science clubs, horseback riding, 4-H, fishing, reading books, hunting, bike riding and the like. Send them out to the woods, the creek and the park to play and to interact with real relationships. Give them your time in teaching them to maintain the yard, wash the dishes, make their bed, wash the car and change the oil. Take them hiking on Sunday afternoon or to a professional baseball game. Find a local church with children’s programs that includes boys’ and girls’ camping and other outdoor challenges while reinforcing godly values. 

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)

*Dr Maria Azaret, 2.21.24

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Identity, Issues of the Day, Parents, Training

Parents Who Protect Too Much

We’ve all read about how my generation (the boomers) left their home to play with friends after breakfast, returned home for a quick lunch (maybe) and then left again until the dinner bell, whistle or car horn was blowing. It was especially true of summer life. However today, and often rightly so, we’re warned about bad persons, dangerous places, deep ponds, getting lost and dirty environments. We want to protect our kids form hurt and harm and help them avoid accidents. But are we helping them or us as parents?

I was reading a report about this very thing in an article from the journal Science. Interestingly it stated kids who grow up with less sanitary conditions and sanitized environments, being exposed to plants, dirt, trees, creeks, animals and microbes grow up with far less allergies. In other words, “eat some dirt, it might be good for you.” Going too far?

Most professionals in your children’s lives will tell you that they love parental involvement but despise “helicopter parents” or parents who are so involved they are actually “protecting” their children from adapting to the world around them. 

The self-esteem movement began in the 1970’s and by the 1980’s we were giving trophies to the losers of the game. Last place in a race was being rewarded for fear of harming our child’s esteem. We said that everyone was a winner. While self-esteem and self-confidence matter, rewarding failure produces entitlement in our kids. There becomes no incentive in a reward for just showing up and children will naturally and quickly lose interest. 

Kids need consequences and kids need to learn to take responsibility for their actions. What happens to our children if they’re constantly rescued? One day in college (where the parents can’t intervene) they’ll find a professor that gives them the grade they deserve, a failing one. Later they’ll face a boss who doesn’t coddle them and tell them they are special, and they can do anything they want and succeed. Eventually they will start hearing the truth, so why not speak it now while your kids are in their formative years?

Sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Both options are a chance to speak truth and love to our children so they can handle both situations appropriately. Stop overprotecting your kids; they need risk, failure, pain, work, and dirt to grow up into well-balanced, non-whining adults. 

Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. 15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. (Ephesians 4:14,15)

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Marriage, Men, Parents, Training, Women

Is Marriage First or Is Ministry First?

Church planting and/or pastoral ministry is a huge undertaking, and it is not a 9-5 job. Pastors serve congregants all hours of the day and night. There is a high expectation placed upon a pastor’s life and schedule.

There are births, deaths, weddings, counseling, hospital visits, family visits all beside sermon prep, teaching, preaching and oversight of multiple ministries within the local church. It certainly can be overwhelming and far more than normal fulltime employment. 

For most, pastoral ministry is a calling and a passion. 

However, pastors have a marriage and children who can often feel as though they come after the ministry. Learning to put marriage before ministry can be a daunting challenge. I Timothy 5: 8 reminds us of a biblical priority, “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”

Here are some helps to keep pastoral ministry and marriage in their proper perspective:

Love your spouse more than your ministry. If you have a congregation of 100 persons, you will never please everyone. But you do need to please your spouse. If you are prioritizing the needs of your congregation above the needs of your family, you are already missing the mark biblically. Your first church is your marriage and your children.

    Attempting to gain the approval of 100 persons is impossible, but it is not impossible to gain the approval of your immediate family. And here’s something to commit to memory: another can pastor your congregation, but no one else is called to lead and care for your marriage and family. (See Ephesians 5: 25-28.)

    • Pursue intimacy from your marriage and not your ministry. Your ministry is not the one that you are called to romance. Many pastors’ marriages have fallen to pieces because ministry was their mistress. Your spouse is more important than any one congregant and she/he should feel that. If your spouse observes that you’ve been out too many nights, listen and ask what a better balance might be. Specifically talk about evening ministry versus daytime ministry. 

    Create a regular date night and take a weekly family day. When ministry does take the priority and interrupts your marital priorities there will be more understanding given to you from your family. 

    • Pastors have marriage issues just like anyone else. Do not sell yourself short in realizing that your marriage needs marriage retreats and seminars. Do not avoid counseling. If there is a need in your marriage, then lead by example and find appropriate input and help. 
    • Pastors frequently deal with conflicts arising within their church family and are often expected to help resolve issues. That said, you dare not enter the threshold of your home and sink into an easy chair avoiding your own family’s issues. If your family is dealing with a conflict, then you are part of the solution as well. Just because you have heavy situations within the church does not mean you receive a pass from directly dealing with home issues. 

    Dealing with conflict among others means you must develop the skill of listening. That skill is needed in your home also. Do not turn a deaf ear to the cries of your spouse.

    Making sure that your heart is in your home as well as your ministry will serve you well. More than likely your marriage was before your ministry. And your marriage will remain after your ministry, so keep it the highest priority. Your spouse and your children will love and respect you for it. 

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    Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Healing, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Marriage, Men, Parents, Postmarital, Women

    Does Going Through a Rough Patch in Our Marriage Disqualify Us from Ministry?

    Every marriage has it challenges and some more than others. Does that disqualify us from ministry in our local church or elsewhere? The answer? Yes and no.

    The first step is assessment. How long have we had this struggle? Is it a repeated struggle? Have we sought counsel for this particular issue? Do we avoid finding solutions? Are we actively trying to find solutions? Are we being stubborn and refusing personal change? Are either one of us in active sin? Are we blaming our spouse solely for the struggle and not taking any personal responsibility? 

    The answers to these questions can help us determine whether we should be involved in ministry during this season of our relationship.

    We recently experienced a couple sharing with us they feel disqualified for entering a couples’ ministry at this time because they are attempting to work through some of their own marriage issues. I asked them if they ever struggle raising their children or have they made huge mistakes in parenting. They said, “yes.” I then asked them if they should stop parenting or perhaps consider adopting out their children. As ridiculous as that sounds, sometimes it’s just as ridiculous to think disqualification from ministry over aggressively pursuing marital healing.

    You must know if you can minister to others while experiencing conflict yourself, but neither does the conflict always disqualify you from serving others. It is out of our own pain sometimes that we learn to help others. And healed people can bring healing to many!

    The key is, after assessment, chase healing. Give it everything you have and pursue growth in your marriage and in your individual lives. As we heal individually, our marriage will also experience healing. There is no perfect marriage, but we serve a perfect Savior who possesses all the answers we need for our daily life challenges!

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    Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Parents, Singles, Training, Women

    Do You Punish Your Children or Do You Correct Them?

    Honestly, one of the most difficult times while raising children was when I had to enforce a boundary as their father. Providing the appropriate discipline in the appropriate manner was often a challenge. You see, children have this uncanny ability to bring the worst out of you as the parent. At my worst, I might have over-corrected or when angry dished out punishment rather than correction. Is there a difference? Yes, there is.  (And by the way, seeing your “worst” is not such a bad thing.) 

    Punishment has to do with me preserving my right to be angry with my child and keeping my posture as the one in charge. It says that my child must pay for what he or she did wrong. Punishment is often done out of anger lacking any training toward change, put simply, a more powerful parent enforcing his or her will upon the weaker child. Punishment is more about inflicting shame and pain for wrongdoing. Further, fathers who are into punishment rather than correction of our sons and daughters might ultimately cause our kids to view God as a punishing God.

    Correction, on the other hand, is not just about reward and punishment; it is more about challenging actions and shaping a will in a life-giving method. It is training out of a spirit of love. It is more about guiding and forming the spirit of the child rather than reinforcing the will of the parent. It is less about anger and more about what’s best for the child. 

    Correction takes time to administer because it includes instruction toward a different and healthier life pattern and future. Punishment on the other hand is normally abrupt, more about reaction and often with little thought. Proverbs 29: 15 says that the rod of correction imparts life – correction imparts life!  Job 5:17 tells us, “Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.”

    Take the time to administer correction and instruction vs. abrupt punishment that might wound more than heal. Be sensitive to age levels. The older the child the more reasoning capacity they have, so keep your words to a minimum especially when they’re under age 10. You are not trying to convince them, manipulate them or even come to agreement. You are showing them a better way with better consequences. 

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    Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Men, Parents, Pornography, Training, Women

    Dear Parents (An Open Letter to Parents of Young Children)

                                                             

    Dear parents, I recently wrote a booklet about the inordinately high use of pornography within our culture. It was a summarization of a lengthy, thorough and statistically backed (all noted with resources) online article that I wrote. You can access the first of this two part article here.

    Part of what provoked the booklet and the article was the story of a friend of mine. He first encountered pornography at age 7. By age 12 he was acting out what he saw in the magazines with female friends in his tree fort. 

    It’s startling, but for most boys’ pornography exposure occurs around age 11. By age 17 they are the highest users of porn – 85%. Unfortunately, in recent years young girls are also increasingly using porn. In that same age group, nearly 57% of young girls are viewing pornography. While boys are visual, girls are turning to porn so they can learn what boys desire of them sexually. Pornography is a 12-billion dollar industry in the United Staes. Eleven thousands “adult” films are produced per year. That is twenty times the number of regular media films produced in Hollywood!

    Children cannot process what they are seeing and reading. They do not understand the real gift of sexuality and so they are being inundated with false images of something that is not real and not connected to any sense of love, commitment or marriage. Pornography is a counterfeit, a fake, a lie. Its images are addictive and the more one feeds themselves porn, the more they desire. 

    When I was a counselor, it was not abnormal for me to see clients whose brothers or father abused them sexually when they were young girls. Pornography was typically a part of that abuse. 

    I once worked with a private school where a teacher was touching his students inappropriately. I frequently heard clients’ first sexual encounter was with their cousins in sexual exploratory games. Just last week, one of the leaders I oversee asked me for help. A close friend of his just found out that his fourteen-year-old son has been molesting his younger female cousins for several years.  I had a pastor’s daughter in my counseling care who was date raped on her college campus. I have dealt with multiple leadership failures in which there was adultery. And I am presently serving on a team that is helping to provide care and input to an organization in which the leader was sexually abusing woman for over 40 years. I would guess that in most cases pornography was a part of each of these horrific stories. 

    So, I am asking you to be vigilant and protective of your children. Do not leave them with persons who could be unsafe. Do not openly and without caution trust any adult in their life, even their teachers. Do not give them free rein with cousins and friends without warning them of the possibility of abuse, pornography and childhood sexual exploration. 

    Sadly, you must even be aware of library books these days. Material that is X-rated, explicit, that promotes unhealthy same sex, opposite sex and deviant relationships is finding its way into our public libraries, public grade schools, middle schools and high schools today. This is an evil, grooming tactic to expose our innocent children to explicit material and to sexual acts which they are not mature enough to engage in or are even capable of understanding. 

    Protect your children by telling them and reminding them often of the “bathing suit” rule. No one touches them, asks to see or exposes oneself in these private areas. They will understand that language and you will be equipping them with a vital and useful tool.

    Do your best to help your children stay pure and innocent. Today’s phone technology provides easy and immediate access to soft and hardcore pornography. With the push of a few buttons, they can have access to unspeakable images. It’s almost unimaginable, but there are over 400 million pages of pornographic material available on over four million websites. Having a phone without data access is a help as are software programs like Covenant Eyes which allows you to see every website they access.  

    In today’s highly sexualized culture, it is possible to help maintain your child’s innocence and not have them exposed to explicit sexual material. They will trust your caution. Remember, sex in and of itself is not a dirty word or act. Within the right context of marriage, it is a wonderful gift from God and your children need to have full knowledge of God’s goodness found within this gift. 

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    Challenge, Children, Issues of the Day, Just for fun, Marriage, Men, Parents, Premarital, Singles, Women

    Daughter Emails Her Dad About Her E-Marriage

    Daughter’s email to her Father: “I’m coming home to get married. I am in love with a man who lives many miles away from me, but as you know that is not an issue in today’s electronic World Wide Web world. Living in Australia has simply not been a problem all the while he lives in Scotland. We met on eHarmony, almost immediately became friends on Facebook and have had long text chats on WhatsApp. Recently he proposed to me on Zoom and now we’ve had two months of relationship building through Face Time calls, as well as, many, many tweets on X. I will forward to you the link from my Drop Box account so you can view our photos and wedding plans. All that being said, Dad, I’m asking for your blessing and financial help as we’re planning a rather large wedding. 


    Lots of love, Lilly 
 


    Father’s reply: Dearest Lilly, wow! I’d suggest you two get married on Skype, use iTunes or Pandora for your music, book your honeymoon on Tripadvisor and check Yelp for things to do.  Later, I recommend you find a home or apartment on Craig’s List or Zillow, find design ideas for your apartment on Pinterest, furnish it through Amazon and Etsy and pay for it all by yourselves through Paypal and/or Zelle. And, if you ever get fed up with your electronically found Internet husband, sell him on Poshmark, Marketplace or auction him off on Ebay.

    Good luck and lots of love, Dad

    PS Send your mother and I the YouTube video of the ceremony.

    Author unknown

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    Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Just for fun, Marriage, Men, Parents, Premarital, Women

    Advice Giving for Dad’s at Weddings

    Having been the father of the groom, I have learned some things. 

    First, father of the groom is a much easier role; there is little to nothing to do but enjoy the day. Perhaps the biggest deal was arriving on time. But I am not a very willing nonparticipant. I don’t mind a job or two. Well, not ordering the flowers, mind you, but there are things like:

    My son had bacon wrapped scallops at his wedding reception. I instructed our server that when she came to the dining room floor from the kitchen with fresh, hot scallops, she was to immediately find me, the father of the groom. I do love bacon wrapped scallops. 

    Then there’s the meeting new people to find out who they are and how they know the bride or my son. This job was specifically to be sure there were no wedding crashers showing up for a free meal or an easy date. I also enjoyed keeping the smaller ones away from the icing on the cupcakes. Who wants a cupcake with a dirty, little finger run through it? 

    For your son’s one friend who started celebrating before the wedding and continues to do so during the reception…show him the door or order an Uber. You’ll do everyone a favor. 

    Lastly, but certainly not least, was the dance with my new daughter-in-law. It is my one moment to speak directly into her ear and provide a calm, but stern warning that if she ever does anything to hurt or harm my son…or if my son ever…you have my permission to…. You can finish those sentences how you see fit. 

    Father of the groom, take your role and responsibilities seriously. Someone has to do the hard stuff.

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    Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Just for fun, Leadership, Marriage, Men, Parents, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles, Uncategorized

    A Message to the Newly Married or the Soon to Be Married

    In another two months my wife and I will be married for 50 years. I hope that counts for something. 

    When we look back, it’s easy to identify multiple mistakes that we made. It’s as well, easy to identify those decisions that worked. Taking responsibility for our decisions and their outcome is a major step toward maturity in a marriage relationship. Good decisions reap good outcomes and bad decisions reap a consequence that we both must own and then grow from. 

    So, those thoughts lead me to pen some advice from an older married couple. Here goes:

    • Stay away from major discussions or decisions if you’re hungry or tired.
    • Treat your spouse the way you desire to be treated. (Luke 6:31)
    • Place your spouse ahead of yourself (Philippians 2:3-4).
    • Never leave or return home without finding each other and sharing a kiss and an “I love you.”
    • Make each other laugh. Have fun. (Proverbs 17:22)
    • Your most intimate connection is praying together (Matthew 18:19).
    • Do not look for 100% agreement in everything. Accept that you will always enjoy some personal differences. They’ll make you a better team.
    • Realize that agreement is greater than disagreement (Amos 3:3).
    • Conflict is inevitable and part of a close relationship. Conflict is not wrong, however; conflict without compromise and then finding a resolve is wrong.
    • Build a livable, agreeable budget and stick to it.  
    • Always have a short-term savings and a long-term savings.
    • Do your best to stay out of debt (Proverbs 22:7).
    • Never maintain a credit card balance (Psalms 37:21).
    • Give one another a monthly spending allowance.
    • Doing without lots of things can save your marriage.
    • Hold hands…a lot.
    • Write love notes and send cards in the mail to one another.
    • Bring home surprises for each another.
    • Date your spouse and when children arrive, date your children.
    • Check your pockets before putting your clothes in the wash.
    • Men, put the toilet seat down.
    • Divide cleaning responsibilities along with other household duties.
    • Take lots of time to talk and enjoy conversation.
    • Keep the TV and other devices out of or turned off in your bedroom.
    • Make your bedroom a special place where you end your day and then begin your day together.
    • No kids in your bedroom.
    • Remember that romance is not over once you’re married; it just began.
    • Always have at least one meal together every day, two if possible.
    • Keep complaining to a minimum; keep praise to a maximum.
    • Sit on the porch or deck together. No porch/deck? Build one.
    • Learn the skill of listening, not just talking.
    • Always construct in private.
    • When children arrive, remember they will be one of your most important contributions to your world; so treat them with love, respect, provide life-giving correction and don’t give them to someone else to raise.

    There are more, but that’s for another time. 

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