Keeping with the theme of raising children, natural or spiritual, what do you think is the number one inhibitor of growth in a child’s life? What do you think is the number one killer of creativity? What do you think is the number one limitation placed on vision, hope and dreams? The answer, I’ve been told, is critical judgment. Imagine a parent consistently providing negative judgment and criticism toward a child especially after the child feels he or she has done their best. When wrong or harsh judgment is cast upon another human being, that person begins to suffer a creativity and an identity crisis. Teachers can identify those children who continually suffer from words of critical judgment with their heads bowed down and their insatiable need for encouragement.

Adults who have suffered from ongoing critical judgment lose creativity and pursue acceptance in every means possible. The life is often sucked out of them and they will gravitate toward any form of attention, especially the negative. They align themselves with lie-filled thoughts based upon what has been spoken over them. They believe these thoughts and grow up only to pass critical judgment upon themselves, continuing to reinforce everything negative. The Bible is clear that we are to judge sin and not one another (Romans 14:13; James 4:11,12) As parents ask the Lord to help you see the positive, to operate out of a spirit of praise and encouragement and to heap words of life upon your children. God knows they hear enough of the negative throughout their day from the world around them.

Raising and training children is one of the most important jobs on the face of the earth today. My wife and I had three awesome kids who somehow made it through preschool years, primary school, high school, college and then marriage. The test of parenting was always more about the parents than it ever was the children. We discovered that it was the grace of God that allowed us to make many mistakes and yet have whole and healthy adult children. Life was far from perfect in those days and our finances never seemed to go far enough, but that never stopped us from laughing around the table at mealtime, playing football in the front yard or going on low-budget vacations.

Honestly, the most difficult times were when I had to enforce a boundary for my children as their father. Providing the appropriate discipline in the appropriate manner was often a challenge. You see, children have this ability to bring the worst out of you as the parent. At my worst, I might have over-corrected or when angry dished out punishment rather than correction. Is there a difference? Yes, there is.  (And by the way, seeing your “worst” is not such a bad thing.)

Punishment has to do with me preserving my right to be angry with my child and keeping my posture as the one in charge. It says that my child must pay for what he or she did wrong. Punishment is often done out of anger lacking any training toward change, just simply a more powerful parent enforcing his or her will upon the weaker child. Punishment is more about inflicting shame and pain for wrongdoing. Correction, however, is not just about reward and punishment, it is more about challenging actions and shaping a will in a life-giving method. It is training out of a spirit of love. It is more about guiding and forming the spirit of the child rather than reinforcing the will of the parent. It is less about anger and more about what’s best for the child. Correction takes time to administer because it includes instruction toward a different and healthier future. Punishment on the other hand is normally abrupt, more about reaction and often with little thought. Proverbs admonishes us to “train” a child in the way he should go (Proverbs 22:6). That word train in the Hebrew is used in the imperative sense and literally means to dedicate. Are you as a parent dedicated to training your children through correction toward growth or simply punishing them for your own personal comfort?

It can be overwhelming for me to stop and consider the gifts my heavenly Father has bestowed upon me.  First and foremost there is the gift of my salvation.  Of course the gift of Holy Spirit living within me.  He has generously given me a wonderful and godly wife of almost 39 years.  I have three amazing children who have all gone to college and are now happily married living responsively on their own.  I have had the privilege of working for over 27 years in a ministry I love.  He has given me a home with many possessions.  To top it off, I am now a grandfather.   I am blessed with great health and wealth!

  Those blessings toward me from heaven have caused me to be a giver.  I love giving gifts.  I usually give Mary gifts before it’s Valentines Day or even Christmas.  I anticipate and can’t wait to see her face when she is surprised with the new flowers on the dining room table.  I just can’t  seem to wait until the proper day to give.  I love giving gifts to my children.  One day we were enjoying a meal together with my adult children on our deck and I handed each of them some money just to bless them – no other reason.  My oldest son asked, “Who died” and provoked a bit of laughter.  When my children were teenagers, I would locate their wallets at random times and place a $20.00 bill in them.  Why?  My heavenly Father is an extravagant giver and I have come to believe that a sign of Christ-centered maturity is found in our ability to be generous.  The scripture states that as we water others we ourselves will be watered.  Has there been any dryness in your life lately? 

The great American baseball player, Babe Ruth, once said, “Don’t let the fear of striking out keep you from swinging for the fence.”   I remember as a young boy playing little league baseball.  I played for four straight years and in the final two years I was the first string catcher.  In that third and fourth year, I also remember that our team, the Moose Giants, came in first place.  We had some young, but talented pitchers and hitters.  It was great fun and excitement.  But, I also recall one other detail from those years.  Never once do I remember seeing my parents in the stands watching me play.  It just wasn’t their priority.

That memory causes me to sometimes ask myself, “Whom am I playing to?”  In other words, whom do I desire to be in my “stands,” cheering me on in both the good and the not so good?  Whose approval am I looking for?  There is a certain fear standing at home plate with a bat in hand.  One reassuring smile from the stands would have removed that fear.  It would have said, “Go ahead son, you can do it; I believe in you; so knock it out of the park.”  Many years ago this was settled in my heart when I heard my heavenly Father say to me, “ You are my beloved son in whom I am well pleased.”  And then He smiled reassuringly.  To whom are you playing to?