Category Archives: Children

Children, Encouragement

Whom am I Playing To?

The great American baseball player, Babe Ruth, once said, “Don’t let the fear of striking out keep you from swinging for the fence.”   I remember as a young boy playing little league baseball.  I played for four straight years and in the final two years I was the first string catcher.  In that third and fourth year, I also remember that our team, the Moose Giants, came in first place.  We had some young, but talented pitchers and hitters.  It was great fun and excitement.  But, I also recall one other detail from those years.  Never once do I remember seeing my parents in the stands watching me play.  It just wasn’t their priority.

That memory causes me to sometimes ask myself, “Whom am I playing to?”  In other words, whom do I desire to be in my “stands,” cheering me on in both the good and the not so good?  Whose approval am I looking for?  There is a certain fear standing at home plate with a bat in hand.  One reassuring smile from the stands would have removed that fear.  It would have said, “Go ahead son, you can do it; I believe in you; so knock it out of the park.”  Many years ago this was settled in my heart when I heard my heavenly Father say to me, “ You are my beloved son in whom I am well pleased.”  And then He smiled reassuringly.  To whom are you playing to?

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Children, Encouragement, Marriage

Giving Away My Daughter

In two weeks I have the privilege of walking my baby girl down the aisle and then officiating the wedding ceremony.  While I felt so honored to be asked to perform the wedding, I now wonder about my sanity in agreeing to do it.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the idea, but am now the one with “cold feet” and wondering how I will get through it emotionally.  How do you “give away” your only daughter, the baby in the family?  She is about to spend more time married, with another man, than she ever spent with me, her father, growing up – it’s not fair.

I loved the growing up years from infancy on.  I was elated watching her first steps and missing her the moment she went off to kindergarten. I loved teaching her to ride a bicycle and playing softball in the front yard.  Her acting career in high school, although short-lived, was moments in time of sheer pride.  Teaching her to drive a car, a five speed, was exhilarating in more ways than one.  Sending her off to college four hours from her home…never easy.  Helping her move to Washington, DC for her first “real” job felt awkward at best.

But soon I will walk her down the aisle and then another man will walk her away from me.  There will be an exchange of authority, of leadership, of responsibility and another will be “laying down his life.”  I would do it all over again, from birth forward.  I would change some things, but not much.  I would not trade the struggles and tears, the laughter and joys for anything.  It is why God gave her to me (us) – to give her away, first to Him and then to His man for her.  It is why I/we spent thousands of hours training her and thousands of dollars raising her.  Brooke Megan, you are an amazing woman of God; you are a delight to my very soul.  “…Our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace.” (Ps. 144:12)

(If you are single and wondering what are the most important character traits in a life mate, then read my first 21 blogs.)

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Children, Encouragement, Marriage

God’s Creative Power in Marriage

The book of Genesis reveals God’s creative acts.  He placed a seed within every living thing in order for it to regenerate and multiply upon the earth.  He created mankind and told them to, “Be fruitful and increase in number, fill the earth and subdue it.”  By placing a seed within us, He handed creation over to us.  We enter into creation with Him by producing offspring.  It’s miraculous, it’s life changing and it’s a gift.  I was able to be a part of each of my children’s birth.  I cried at all three of them, marveling in the very act of life.  It never left me wondering if there was a God; it literally proved otherwise for me.

I am now a grandparent…the seed remains and tiny Roman Philip Prokopchak has changed our family.  We all agree that he is an amazing gift, every breath, every smile and every new discovery is a wonder to behold.  I am in awe at the father heart of my son.  This weight lifting, body building 30-something has been smitten by the love of God delivered in a tiny 8.5 pound package.  My son found his “suitable helper” and together they have seen the favor and blessing of their Savior through marital oneness and creation continues.

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Children, Encouragement, Marriage

Giving Your Spouse Time for Transition

I can clearly remember returning home from a long day at the office and stepping into the kitchen of our apartment.  Supper was on the stove providing a pleasant aroma and a baby on my wife’s hip.  Two young boys were running around somewhere and Mary had a lot to catch me up on.  I barely got to put my briefcase down when I was handed our daughter in order for the table to be set.  Meanwhile, the boys found me and wanted dad’s attention immediately.  I loved it, but at the same time knew I needed a period of transition.

First, during my commute home I had to learn to take my work hat off and literally pray to put my husband, father and home hat on: transition number one.  Once I arrived home, facing a family that needed me immediately wasn’t always the easiest.  Could I at least change my cloths and while in the bedroom alone take a couple of moments to prepare myself to listen to my wife, care for my daughter and play with my sons?  This would be transition number two.  Help one another transition from work to home and family by giving one another a little transition time.  It’s simple, but necessary and will make for a better evening.

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Children, Encouragement, Leadership, Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles

Quick to Listen and Slow to Speak

We are told that we can speak 125 – 150 words a minute, but typically we think around 300 words a minute.  Those numbers themselves provide an inward conflict with the act of listening.  High school and college campus’s run courses on public speaking, but when is the last time you had the opportunity to sign up for a public listening course?  Most of us want to talk and be listened to rather than take the concentration needed to stop and really hear someone.  I heard someone say recently that hearing is a function of the ear, but listening is a function of your will.

When we listen we are exercising an expression of love.  We are saying this person is important enough to me to be listened to.  Proverbs has a way of cutting to the chase when it says, “ He who answers before listening – that is his folly and his shame.”  (Proverbs 18:13)  If we are constantly interrupting our spouse in order to interject our “important” thought, we have stopped listening and are thinking about our reply.  Do you realize people pay counselors $150.00 and more for fifty minutes of their time and feel better when leaving their office?  Some even fall in love with their therapist just because they feel validated and cared for.  What was the therapist’s secret?  He/she listened.  James admonished us to be quick to listen and slow to speak…pretty good advice for 2013.  Try it; you’ll be amazed at the results.

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Children, Encouragement, Leadership, Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles

The Number One Relationship Inhibitor

A few of years ago, I heard about a study of primary school children.  The study was centered on trying to discover the number one inhibitor to their creativity and eventually to their performance.  I was intrigued as to what these social scientists identified.  While there were many ingredients, there was one area that stood out as the number one killer of creativity and it wasn’t the loss of a parent or the family financial status.  The number one inhibitor was critical judgment.  When words of critical judgment are cast upon another human being, that person begins to suffer a creativity crisis that can lead to an identity crisis.

When a child hears these consistent words and tone of voice or nonverbal looks that say, “We never planned you; you were not wanted; you obviously don’t belong in this family,” they will begin to believe these words.  Their life will be scared and their demeanor, the look on their face or life expectations, will take on this spirit of critical judgment like a cloud hovering over them.

Do you want to “kill” your spouse and end up killing your marriage, then regularly speak words of critical judgment like, “I don’t know why I married a loser like you; of course you’re not ready on time, you never are; could you possibly be any more stupid; you are the world’s worst when it comes to directions; why can’t you get a better job?”  Or, if you want to begin a release of creativity and affirmation in your mate then try speaking words of blessing like, “You’re amazing; you work so hard; you look beautiful or handsome today; I am thrilled to be married to you; I love your hair that way.”  Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.  Proverbs 12:18

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Children, Encouragement

Christmas Reflections at O’Hare

“It’s an icy winter night, and O’Hare International Airport is in bedlam.  All flights are canceled.  Visibility is poor to fog, frost and freezing rain.  Thousands of people are clustered at the ticket counters; some clamoring for redress, others wrapped in stoic silence.  Children are crying, the PA system is blaring, and the defeated are bellying up to the bar.  I’m in mild turmoil.  How can the Good News be proclaimed in Dallas if the weather won’t shape up in Chicago?

Across the aisle sits a middle-aged black woman cradling a child.  It’s more than a serene smile playing at the corners of her mouth.  She’s laughing.  She’s actually laughing?  Intrigued I cross the aisle and find myself staring at the woman.  She looks up.  “Ma’am, you’re the only person in this place who seems to be together.  Would you mind telling me why you’re so happy?”  “Sho,” she said.  “Christmas is coming and dat Jesus – He makes me laugh!”  (From: Souvenirs of Solitude by Brennan Manning)

Dat Jesus – He makes me laugh.  What a great phrase.  We need to see beyond all the disappointing news from around the world; news that lends itself more to fear than to laughter.  Can we actually be not so serious and more child-like in this season so that we might find laughter?  Let’s rejoice and laugh over “glad tidings of great joy.”  Christmas is coming…allow God’s laughter given to us through His Son to fill you with comfort and joy.

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Children, Encouragement

The Best MultipurposeToy Ever

Did you know there is a National Toy Hall of fame in Rochester, NY?  I didn’t.  Every year a new member is inducted into this toy hall of fame.  In 2005, the cardboard box was inducted.  What kid doesn’t love to play in a cardboard box?  But, one of my favorites was the toy that was inducted in 2008 – a plain old stick.  The stick was picked because of its “all-purpose, no-cost, recreational qualities.”  It is portable and versatile and “fosters learning creativity through play and imagination.”  It’s the perfect price; it’s all-natural; there are no rules or complicated instructions for use.  It can be a horse, a gun, a sword, a slingshot, a fishing rod or a snowman’s arms.

Many years ago when my two sons were very young, daily they brought home sticks.  With the many toy options they had, sticks were one of their favorites.  Most times, while playing outside, they each had a stick in hand.  All around the world I have observed children playing with this universal toy.  A single stick and a little boy or girls imagination can provide hours of incredible fun.  From my own childhood, I remember playing ice hockey with a stick and a smashed can for a puck.

I do not suspect your children want you to wrap up a stick for Christmas.  I could only imagine the disappointment on their faces.  There is, however, one Gift (the Creator of those sticks) that is greater than any other, our Heavenly Father’s Gift of gifts – His Son, Jesus.  It’s what Christmas is all about.

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