Category Archives: Encouragement

Encouragement, Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital

Money Was Our Number One Struggle

images-5Early on in our marriage our biggest struggle was about money. Since that time, we have learned this topic is a struggle for most couples. Not to assume that it is only a struggle when there are insufficient funds, but, as we discovered, when there are sufficient funds as well. We went on to ascertain that the differences had to do with two areas. Those two areas were financial values and trust. In other words, we did not have the same beliefs when it came to spending and saving and those differences led to not fully trusting each other. This blog entry is dedicated more to finding those roots versus practical budgeting tips. So, here are some root issues to consider when it comes to financial values and trust:

 

  1. Do not avoid the money discussion, it will only grow worse. Admit your different views and find the positive in each one.
  2. Realize that each of you has an important piece to the puzzle. One of you can see what the other does not and together you will have a more complete picture.
  3. Find where you agree and start there. While Mary and I did not agree on the grocery budget, we did agree that we needed groceries.
  4. Admit your mistakes in handling money. If you were wrong and purchased a non-budgeted item, admit it and make it right. This will help to rebuild trust.images-3
  5. Get a hold of the big picture first. Where do you desire to go with your financial resources? This will help you find agreement and unity in vision.
  6. Find ways to honor one another in the process. If one of you is better with budgeting and finance, then honor that person by giving them the greater financial responsibility.
  7. Pray together over your finances and listen for God’s direction for your specific needs.
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Encouragement, Leadership

Ten Things I Learned from a Narcissistic Coworker

imagesA number of decades ago in my more youthful leadership years, I had a young coworker who excelled at being a thorn in the flesh. He was in the wrong employment at the time, because in actuality the only probable employment for him was to work under no one, but himself. He simply could not be lead and neither did he have any grace for being part of a team. His team was made up of one: himself. While he didn’t realize it, he was a teacher, a great one. He taught me so much about what not to do, how not to act and who not to be. It was painful trying to work with him, but to this day I know I walk in lessons learned from this man.

Stories I could tell are too excruciating to relate, but what I do desire to recount is what I learned in working with him.

  1. I learned to become more dependent upon the grace of God to not continually react in the flesh.
  2. I learned that my will did not need to be as strong as his.
  3. I learned that dying to myself was a good thing…no, a God thing
  4. I learned to not take offense from his frequent accusations.
  5. I learned that pent up anger will eventually explode.
  6. I learned that to hurt in kind and in return only reduced me to his level.images-10
  7. I learned that it’s easy to talk about forgiveness and much harder to forgive all too frequent damages.
  8. I learned that revenge and obsessing about revenge destroys my mind, affects my spirit and creates a living torment.
  9. I learned that to be falsely accused, rejected and repeatedly wounded was to identify with Christ in greater measure.
  10. I learned that God’s love transcends narcissism and every wound it dishes out so that God’s love can change my coworker and me. And the more I learned about the love of God, the more my heart was enlarged to love.
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Encouragement

An Unexpected Visitor Loses His Life

imagesI was sitting at my desk in the office of our home working on my computer when I felt some tingling on the skin of my right leg. A few seconds later the “tingling” became more pronounced and moved to the side of my right calf. Not thinking much of it, I reached down to scratch that area of my leg. Just then I realized there was something there, something foreign, something warm, something alive. I grabbed the outside of my jeans while at the same time grabbing what was clinging to my leg. It squirmed. It was soft. I squeezed tighter. It squirmed some more in an impossible effort to get away. I squeezed even ti-i-i-ighter. It gave up and became still. I then stood, stomped my right leg on the floor and “it” dropped to the carpet, laying there lifeless.images-2

We had known there was a mouse in the house. He continually left evidence of his existence. Up to this point he had wisely avoided traps, but this time he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I know some of you are saying to yourself, “That’s just gross.” True as that thought may be, I was happy to finally put an end to his antics of nibbling on bags of snack foods. Here’s the point. Have we ever found ourselves in the wrong place at the wrong time? I have and normally my gut lets me know something is not right. If we continue in that place of compromise, we just might experience the hand of God redirecting us because He wants to provide a way of escape. Remember, with each and every compromise, we give the enemy of our souls an opportunity to squeeze more spirit life out of us.

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Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Prayer

Neglecting the Things that Matter

images-2What might happen if you neglect the important things in life? What if you neglected the maintenance on your car? It just might leave you sitting somewhere unplanned. What if you neglected your health? Eventually, your body begins to break down if the mistreatment is severe enough. Or, what happens if you move into your new home and never repair or update a thing? The neglect will eventually cost you in the devaluation of your property or even costlier repairs. If you neglect your job, you will literally be working toward termination. Neglect your family and relationship issues will grow.images-3

Why then do we feel it’s sometimes ok to neglect our spiritual lives? Could a very similar breakdown occur? When we neglect reading the Bible, our prayer life, sharing the love of God with others, giving of our resources and finances, fellowship with other believers or the spiritual gifts the Holy Spirit has deposited within each of us, eventually that disregard or inattention can create a permanent or severe atrophy spiritually. No wonder Jesus warned the Pharisees and us that giving a tenth was good but not to “neglect” the love of God and justice. The Psalmist declared, “I will not neglect your word” and Paul told Timothy to not neglect the gifts given to him. Neglect can be a spiritual disease that each of us battle.

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Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Marriage

Life and Suffering

imagesAre you experiencing a struggle in your life or your marriage? If your answer to that question is “yes,” then my response is, good. Someone once said that, “Beauty is birthed in struggle.” Most of us have a natural tendency to avoid struggles in life. We dream of the life of ease, but is that life a reality and would we experience personal growth in that environment? Author Gary Thomas wrote, “Few people leave a marriage because it’s too easy.” To never encounter personal struggle and to only have ease and comfort would be to remain immature and walk through life with a lack of depth and character.

Do you desire your marriage, your life for that matter, to be seasoned and to experience growth and maturity? Suffering can be profitable and work toward this end as long as you find the purpose, walk through the process and personally grow because of it. If you think back through your life you will realize that it was the difficult times in which you grew (spiritually and emotionally) the most. imagesJesus suffered, as did many men and women of history. It was/is our Lord’s belief that something would be built in us as we would realize…For our present troubles are quite small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! (II Corinthians 4:17)

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Encouragement, Issues of the Day

4 Steps to Accountability

images-3Accountability is not a popular topic these days. We love our freedom and our independence to decide for ourselves without the restriction of someone “looking over our shoulder.” We can find it intrusive and cast it off as, “my business is my business.” The problem with that line of thinking is it’s truly un-biblical.   Could you imagine Jesus saying, “Listen to my teaching and watch me heal the sick, but realize that my personal life is none of your business?” Or, how about if Paul the Apostle shared with the church in Corinth, “I am going to call out your sin, but you dare not call out mine?” We simply do not live as unto ourselves.

Accountability is when you or I walk in a certain conviction, but realize we need help from others. We are encouraged to go to our overseer, leader or friend and humbly describe to them what it is we need accountability in. Here are four steps to help make accountability a lifestyle.images-2

1. We approach someone and make an inquiry to see if they are up to the task of asking us a few difficult questions. You’ll need to be explicit in what it is you desire to be held accountable in.

2. Then give the person(s) some actual questions they can ask and how often you desire them to be asked.  How severe the issue you are dealing with determines how often you meet and are being held accountable.

3. Further, ask them to call you randomly, outside actual face-to-face meetings (text and email are good too, but calls are best).  This provides an element of surprise.

4. As well, be sure to let them know to change it up.  In other words, give them permission and encouragement to ask you about other areas of your life.

We will be held accountable to God (Romans 14:12), but opening up our lives and having help while still on earth can cause tremendous growth in our lives. Who are you accountable to?images

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Encouragement, In the news, Issues of the Day

Mass Shootings, Suffering, Evil and the World We Live In II

images-7If the answer to the question of why there is evil in the world is found in the fall of man recorded in Genesis chapter three, then what could possibly change our evil heart? Jeremiah wrote, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (17:9) Wow, “beyond cure” and who could possibly “understand it?” That could make us feel that we are without hope and our heart will forever be deceitful. But wait, there is an answer because, “…the Lord searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts.” (I Chronicles 28:9) And the Psalmist, David, prayed, “Create in me a pure heart, O God…” Could that be possible and if so, how?

First, it is extremely important to recognize that, “…a man’s heart reflects the man.” (Proverbs 27:19) [Be truthful with your self.] Then, imagine this, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” (Ezekiel 36:26) [Notice, Who will do this.] Further, John reveals to us that God is greater than our very hearts. [It takes a Source outside our heart.] The heart of the Father in the heart of His Son is literally the purifier of our heart. [There is no self-purification; no self-enlightenment and there is no self-actualization.] But, there is what Acts 15 calls, “faith” when it states that God will purify our hearts by faith. And, where does that faith begin?images-5

 That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. (Romans 10:9-10)

Only Jesus can change a heart. Have you asked Jesus to come into your heart and reveal His?

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Encouragement, Issues of the Day

Do I Really Have to Love my Neighbor?

images-5Sometimes I wish Jesus had picked an easier second commandment to follow like not worshipping idols. That would be really easy to do these days. I think it would provoke me to no end to bow down to a statue and thus, I would not suffer in my flesh or my emotions in obedience. He didn’t give us that option, however.

Love your neighbor, let’s see…the one that screams, yells and swears at his kids so loud that we can hear him in our house? Can’t wait until those kids grow up.

The one that burns copper wire in his burning barrel at night while my wife and I choke on the fumes in our bedroom? Geez, get a real job.images-4

The one that can’t pick up a stick when mowing or when he does throws it in my yard? That lazy one, Lord?

Or, how about the one that refused to allow me to pray for him when he lost his job because he wanted to “collect unemployment” for a few months. Pride-filled arrogance.

Then there was the neighbor who was a pastor, but refused to talk to me because of what he believed to be our beliefs on the Holy Spirit. Boy, won’t he be miserable in heaven?

What about those neighbors’ who are Muslim, do I have to love them?

What about that neighbor who deals drugs, him?

How about the two young women who live together and I think they’re, well…you know. Do I have to talk to them?

And what about that neighbor who walks  by all the trash in his yard everyday, that one too?images-3images

Yes, all of these without exception. Love them like you love yourself. That means help them, serve them, build a relationship with them, bake them treats and sow the truth of the gospel, the good news, into their lives. It isn’t enough to be just a “good neighbor.” We represent another kingdom and we are responsible to share that kingdom with them in love. Ask the Holy Spirit for favor and ways to love unique to your neighbor’s need. You’ll not regret it.

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Encouragement, Issues of the Day

Thankfulness

imagesThankfulness is a decision. On a recent trip outside of the country, I was talking to a lady who was undergoing chemotherapy. She told me how thankful she was for her health and her life. Her condition and her smile seemed incongruous, but thankfulness oozed from her spirit. Thankfulness made a difference in light of what she was suffering. I stopped to think about how a thankful spirit is so different from that of a critical one. In the Scriptures we are encouraged to give thanks at all times and I suppose she was fulfilling that verse literally, but beyond that she seemed genuinely happy and at peace.images-3

When we lose our thankfulness, we lose the ability to see the good. We remove our eyes from what God is doing and get our eyes focused upon what we feel God is not doing. We then begin to entertain a critical spirit. This Thanksgiving as you sit around the dining room table, take the time to allow each family member to share in brief what they are thankful for or what they see God doing in their lives. It will set the mood for a more positive meal time together.

images-4Another idea might be to celebrate communion together as a family and together rejoice in what Christ has sacrificed for us.  Perhaps you might want to even read the following verses together before you pray and give thanks to God for all of His blessings:

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise, give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. (Ps. 100: 3-5)

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Encouragement, Issues of the Day

Failure: One of the Positives in Life

images-6I read a true story about a company vice president who had a very close personal assistant. This personal assistant was trusted implicitly, exposed to every level of information that his boss, the vice president was exposed to. Their relationship was tight, full of trust and full of integrity. This personal assistant would do anything for his very kind and generous boss. They seemed inseparable. The VP repeatedly told his assistant he was being groomed for greater and one day he would see the reality.  However, the day came when the president of the company experienced a major difference with his VP. It took some time, but eventually the president began to tell lies about his VP to the board of directors. He was slowly and methodically working toward the firing of the VP, even though every accusation was false. The only one who could stand up for the integrity of the VP was his personal assistant.

That dreaded day arrived when the board of directors would call upon the personal assistant to testify and the very real rumor was that if the VP was fired, the only way the assistant could maintain a position with the company, and not lose his employment, was to side with the president. The personal assistant didn’t realize that on the day he would be called into the boardroom, both the president and his boss, the VP, would be present as well. In his heart, the assistant was prepared to stand up for and defend his boss, but out of his head and through his lips came only words that aligned themselves with the president. Call it what you will, but at the very least it was self-preservation. His boss slowly turned his gaze toward his long time friend and looked deep into his eyes. They both seemed to drop their heads in disbelief at the same time. Pain struck the assistant in his gut and chills ran down his spine, his face became flush red, his heart pounded with disbelief and his palms were sweaty and stuck to the table where he was seated.

Immediately he knew he failed his long time friend, his family and himself. He still had a job, but he lost all incentive with the company and one day, not long after this very meeting, he just walked away, returning to his prior profession as a commercial fisherman.images-7

What was the name of the personal assistant? How can you and I identify with him?  (See Matthew 26:69-75)

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