Most men enjoy some type of sporting event and at most any level of competition, men appreciate cheerleaders.  Cheerleaders cheer on even if the score is totally lopsided in the opponents favor.  Cheerleaders keep the crowd aroused in favor of their team.  Cheerleaders never have a negative remark in their cheers unless it’s meant for the opposition.  Cheerleaders are not critical of the team they represent.  Cheerleaders are dedicated and stick with their team even when it’s a losing season.  Finally, most cheerleaders are female.  Men simply love women cheering them on.  A man can be involved in the most mundane and boring task, but if his wife offers a word of encouragement and praise for a job well done, that boring task takes on a whole new meaning and his attitude can change immediately .

The Proverbs 31 woman operated in this manner.  Her husband has full confidence in her.  Why?  Verse 12 says that she brings him good, not harm for all her days (she was his cheerleader).  In verse 23 the scripture states that her husband is a respected elder and sits at the city gate (she made him look good by speaking good of him).  Proverbs 31 directly infers that because of his wife he is at the gate of leadership, respected by his community.  While at this gate, not only do her children sing her praises, her husband blesses and praises her (v. 28).  She has sown those seeds and now she is reaping praise in return.  Ladies, be your husband’s cheerleader and not just  their critic.

Number ten: Evaluation

Most persons dread evaluation time at their work place.  The whole concept has a negative feel to it.  However, it doesn’t have to be negative when it becomes life-giving.  What do I mean?  Once a year, Mary and I take off for our evaluation weekend.  It is normally at the end of the year or in the very beginning of a new year.   We locate an inexpensive place to stay and we gather together our goals and vision for the present year, our marriage mission statement, our budget, check books, savings account and our schedule books.  Throughout the first afternoon and evening we review our past year, e.g., our jobs, our volunteer organizations, our finances, our mission statement, our goals, our children, our home projects and our schedules.  We simply talk about what was and how we are presently doing.  We review our personal lives and our lives as a couple, i.e., date nights, family gatherings, roles and responsibilities.  We then go out for a nice meal together and continue the discussion as is necessary.  The end the evening with giving thanks to God for all He has done in our lives.

The next day we begin our projections for the year ahead.  We review and re-write if necessary our mission statement.  Over the years our couple mission statement changes as our children are raised or as we reach financial goals.  We re-write our goals for the coming year.  We re-work our family budget.  (One year we had to reduce 7.5% of our income from our budget.  I was dreading this piece of the weekend, but with appropriate evaluation, prayer and communication we did it in one painless effort.)  Prayerfully we consider our schedules for work and ministry together, our trips and weekends away together.  Together we make necessary budgetary changes.  We reflect on questions like, “Do we need to save a bit more or adjust our giving?”  We take the time to pray over every area of our lives and together dream about our future.  When we leave this place, we leave on the same page, hand-in-hand and united for the year ahead.

Number nine: Be Thankful

Does your spouse care for your wash?  Who maintains your car?  Which one of you mows the lawn?  Who cleans the bathrooms?  And whose job is it to balance the check book and pay the bills?  These are a few of the mundane, everyday, thankless and boring duties of life.  When is the last time you thanked your spouse for doing one of those jobs?  I mean really and truly went to them and said, “You know, I never run out of socks because some how they go from the wash basket back into my drawer clean and smelling fresh.  I do not know how you keep up with it all, but thank you.”  Or, “I am so thankful that you take the time to maintain our vehicle.  Today I saw someone along the road broken down and thought of you.  I need to thank you for that.”

When discontent surfaces in our lives toward our spouse we lose thankfulness.  We begin to focus on the things he or she is not doing and forget to give praise for the things they are doing.  Our expectations are unmet and we let them know it.  Why do we measure personal contentment in our life by what we expect from others?  For example, I have heard couples make statements like, “I’ll be content when he starts listening to me” or “I’ll be content when she begins to appreciate what I do for her.”  I Timothy 6:6 states, “But godliness with contentment is great gain.”  We will never be content when _________ happens, but we can choose to be content now even if what we expect is not happening.

If I am thankful for my wife and the many things she does to care for our marriage now, then I will not waste time in discontent and thanklessness, both of which are extremely unproductive.  Thankfulness in our marriage is actually contagious, especially when expressed for the many daily and routine tasks.  By the way, thank you for taking the time to read this.  :)

Number 7: Playing Together

What is your favorite fun thing to do together as a couple?  When is the last time you participated in that area of fun?  Couples know how to do fun when dating, e.g., laughing together, growing in friendship and relating at that relaxed level of comfort over a milkshake or a latte.  What happens after we say “I do?”  All too often we allow fun to take a back seat to the more “serious” issues in the relationship.  Proverbs tells us that laughter is like a medicine (Proverbs 17:22).  Laughter has within it medicinal purposes and it’s given to us as a gift of God.  If there was an instrument called the “fun-o-meter” and the number 10 was fun at its best, exactly where would your relationship find itself today?

Have you been able to slow down enough to simply take a walk and hold hands, perhaps taking a few moments to pray and converse?  Matthew 13, verse one, states, “That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake.”  When is the last time you left your house (your responsibilities) and sat by the lake with your lover?  Vacations are great moments for fun connections, but vacations come once or twice a year.  Take a moment to think of some of the things you once did and the things that you would like to do that are fun for you as a couple.  Purpose in your heart to schedule times of fun together and you will find a wonderful connection that lacks criticism and promotes healthy, life-building, laughter-filled relationship.