Category Archives: Healing

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Navigating Leadership Disappointment and Failure

Some answers for the recently exposed leadership failures

Having walked in ministry leadership for over 50 years, I can accurately and factually say, if sin is present in the lives of leaders, it will sooner or later surface. There will eventually be some form of exposure, and a reckoning will follow. 

When God’s leaders are covering up and lying about sin in their lives, His mercy will be extended, but not for a lifetime. Out of His love, He will expose it. Someone well said, “Failure is not always sin, but sin is always failure.”

Galatians 5:19-21 (TPT)

 “The behavior of the self-life is obvious: Sexual immorality, lustful thoughts, pornography,
 chasing after things instead of God, manipulating others, hatred of those who get in your way, senseless arguments, resentment when others are favored, temper tantrums, angry quarrels, only thinking of yourself, being in love with your own opinions, being envious of the blessings of others, murder, uncontrolled addictions, wild parties, and all other similar behavior. Haven’t I already warned you that those who use their “freedom” for these things will not inherit the kingdom realm of God!”

Failure in leadership will always relate to our personal decisions and then our actions. We’re all broken and imperfect leaders, but that does not mean we are separated from God or our accountability within the local church. 

There is a HUGE difference between one exposing their own sin or failure versus our sin or failure being exposed by another. One is our own volition which will decrease collateral damage and the other becomes a stain on the body of Christ and results in unknown levels of collateral damage.

The outcome of sin or moral failure in leadership is based on two important factors: what we as an individual do about our failure, in other words, how we respond, and then what leadership does about that failure.

I’ve also heard it said, “You can stub your toe a hundred times, but you can only cut your throat once.” The way we, the church, your church chooses to handle leadership failure will either make or break that church or organization. With humility and confession, the church must respond with healing and restoration steps. However, depending on the level of authority, restoration looks different. What are some of the quantifiers?

Quantifiers include:*

• Qualitative Assessment: How serious were the sinful acts and to what degree

were people victimized by their action?

• Quantitative Assessment: How long was this sinful behavior practiced and how

many victims were involved.

• Voluntary Action: Did this person confess on their own or were they caught and forced to

confess?

• Cooperative Conduct: Did this person cooperate with investigators or were they absent

and/or uncooperative?

• Active Coverup: Did they confess their sins during the time of their perpetrated acts, or

did they seek to continuously cover them up with co-conspirators?

• Repentant Behavior: Was there sincere and open repentance from the heart or

were they more concerned about preserving their own reputation or the reputation of the organization?

• Humble Submission: Was there a willingness to submit to church discipline and

adhere to those requirements or was he/she unwilling to do so?

Once again, did this person come forward and confess their own sin? David in Psalms 36 writes, “There is no fear of God before his eyes. For in his own eyes he flatters himself too much to detect or hate his sin.” (Verses 1b, 2)

It’s all disappointing, but lest we get ahead of ourselves and point fingers, we must ask ourselves how would we like personal failure to be handled in our lives? How would we like to be treated? Would we desire grace or law? Would we desire restoration or complete failure? Forgiveness or judgment? We cannot compromise God’s word to protect personal reputation, but at the same time we must confront in truth, love, and grace because healing, restoration, and restitution are the goal.

So, it’s confrontation without partiality and confrontation for purity of the church versus an individual’s comfort or the preservation of a ministry.

Our purpose:

We work toward Colossians 1:28: “He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ.” Also, Galatians 4:19: “My dear children, for whom I am again in the pains of childbirth until Christ is formed in you…” 

And I Timothy 5:19-21: “Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses. 20 But those elders who are sinning you are to reprove before everyone, so that the others may take warning. 21 I charge you, in the sight of God and Christ Jesus and the elect angels, to keep these instructions without partiality, and to do nothing out of favoritism.”

As well as I Corinthians 4:1-5: “This, then, is how you ought to regard us: as servants of Christ and as those entrusted with the mysteries God has revealed. 2 Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful. 3 I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. 4 My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. 5 Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God.”

A real-life example:

In giving oversight to churches we will come across failure among leaders. On one occasion, an elder confessed to his wife of his extramarital affair with another woman, then confessing to his children, along with the elder team, to God and then to his church congregation (I am not sure about the actual order of confessions.). 

From there we developed a plan for healing and restoration with full repentance and turning away from sin. We described the plan he would be required to submit to. Several congregants came to us and shared, “Thank you for dealing with this forthrightly, righteously, lovingly and openly. It brings security to know our leaders and our leaders’ leaders are confronting sin and desiring to bring restoration. In our prior churches sin was always covered over and the person or leader who sinned left.”

Everywhere we look today, God is cleaning house: From IHOP to Hillsong, to the Southern Baptists, to the Catholics. He is also exposing politicians and CEO’s. This in and of itself should put the fear of God in each of us. 

A side note observation of all this exposed sin

What can inadvertently happen is that churchgoers, godly people, become disillusioned and disappointed or can even grow apathetic, e.g., “If our leaders can’t hold it together, how do I stand a chance?”

Hebrews 12:2: Jesus is the author and finisher of our faith, not any leader. We must keep our eyes on Him. Jesus experienced disappointment in others. He watched the 72 walk away from following Him. I believe He processed those feelings and those thoughts with His Father. Our encouragement from this is that we must take our disappointments to God. 

Hebrews 10:25 – We do not stop meeting together even though we are a very imperfect church with imperfect leaders. 

Two international churches:

When I meet new leaders I take them and their spouse through some extensive questioning. I let them know we may all have skeletons in our closet, but those must be dealt with biblically and appropriately so they can come to healing. We are attempting to avoid those skeletons being exposed down the road when they not only hurt the leader but, possibly, also hurting those whom they lead. 

Sin destroys our credibility and trust and if not self-exposed and brought into the light, it can also destroy the relationship. As leaders walk in unrepentant and unconfessed sin, some of the following will accompany them and their leadership: 

  • the misuse of power/authority
  • the misuse of scripture
  • the misuse of emotions
  • the mishandling of resources – finances in particular

As I confronted the first leader with sexual issues, he refused to confess for multiple meetings until he finally gave in when I told him the Lord had revealed to me that something was terribly awry. He refused counsel to bring what was in the dark to the light. He turned his leadership team against me behind my back. I was unable to tell my side to his leaders and we lost that very valuable church. But more importantly, we lost the relationships we had developed over time.

The second international leader I had to confront confessed, repented, apologized, stepped down from all leadership and entered a lengthy process of healing with a hopeful restoration of ministry. Unfortunately, his confession resulted in a divorce, but I believe he himself has been spared of judgment by cooperation with steps of healing and restoration.  

It is a long road back. When we fail, we don’t realize or do not always connect our actions to how many persons our sin will and does affect. 

I Corinthians 9:27 – “No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.” We can actually disqualify ourselves from leadership.

II Corinthians 7:9-19: “Yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. 10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” 

We long for healing for the fallen, but at the same time, we must remember the ones this sin affects and harms. If we do not attack the cancer in the body of Christ, in our local church, it will spread. In many cases being exposed today, the leader’s sin, even if initially unknown, can trickle down into other leaders and affect even more innocent people.

A four-step process:

  1. Disassociation: I Corinthains 5:9-18: “I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people—10 not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world.11 But now I am writing to you that you must not associate with anyone who claims to be a brother or sister[a] but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people. 12 What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? 13 God will judge those outside. Expel the wicked person from among you.”
  2. To reach an act of forgiveness: II Corinthians 2:5-11: “If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you to some extent—not to put it too severely. 6 The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient. 7 Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. 8 I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him.9 Another reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. 10 Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, 11 in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.”
  3. To be able to restore in a spirit of meekness: Galatians 6:1: “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.”
  4. Making restitution: Luke 19:8-9 (ESV): “And Zacchaeus stood and said to the Lord, “Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor. And if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I restore it fourfold.” 9 And Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, since lhe also is a son of Abraham.”

You and Me:

We are a part of the integrity of our local church, our family and our marriage, but more so, of Christ. When the Bible forbids something and calls it sin, it is forbidden. We are never to overlook something illegal, immoral, unscriptural or be part of a coverup of the same. We do not cover for sin or evil. “Do not touch God’s anointed…” is not a verse that justifies covering up anything. We cannot neglect Matthew 18.  And you cannot rationalize with irrational people who defend their sin. 

Many ask the question: do you confront publicly?

To someone who is not in a public leadership position, and they hear you and receive you as you walk through Matthew 18, no. To leadership individual who are involved in chronic, ongoing sin and who does not confess, but cover up, yes. Our example? Galatians 2:11-13: Paul is confronting Peter. “Now when Peter had come to Antioch, I withstood him to his face, because he was to be blamed; 12 for before certain men came from James, he would eat with the Gentiles; but when they came, he withdrew and separated himself, fearing [f]those who were of the circumcision. 13 And the rest of the Jews also played the hypocrite with him, so that even Barnabas was carried away with their hypocrisy.”

At the same time realize your own potential for failure. 

I Corinthians 10:13: 13” The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.”

Ways to walk in health, integrity and accountability:

  1. Make a personal commitment to God’s word and His standards for personal boundaries. The word of God, containing the boundaries of God, has been given for our protection. 

Psalm 119:9 – “How can a young person stay pure? By obeying your word.”

Write down your personal ministry boundaries! For example: not traveling alone; not counseling the opposite sex alone, etc.

  • Maintain your marriage vows and commitment. 

What are your marriage boundaries? Write them down in agreement with your spouse.

Proverbs 5:18-19: “Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19 She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always.
May you always be captivated by her love.”

Grass is greener when you water it and fertilize it. Water your marriage, grow it, sow into it actively. Lust is not physical attraction – that’s humanness. Lust is desire to take what is not yours. Redirect your attraction to your life mate.

  • Be accountable and self-report – everyone in authority is under authority. Every one of us needs accountability. 

Everyone in the medical field is held accountable by self-reporting and constant computer charting. When a medical professional makes a medicine mistake, they are required to report it by placing it into their charting logs. If they fail to do this and their mistake is discovered, they will surely be fired from their job. However, if they are completely honest about their mistake and report it properly, they most likely will keep their job with a warning. This is a process of taking a wrongdoing from the dark and successfully, forthrightly, and honestly bringing it into the light.

  • Monitor your thoughts:  Beliefs –> Thoughts –> Feelings –> Actions –> Habits  

“Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. 15 These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.” (James 1:14-15)

As we monitor our thoughts and then backtrack to our beliefs, we’ll discover either misbeliefs or God’s beliefs. It is the ongoing process of Romans 12: 2 – “Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

David said in Psalms 101: 3 – “I will not look with approval on anything that is vile.

I hate what faithless people do; I will have no part in it.”

  • Keep watch and magnify the consequences. Know what tempts you. Ask yourself: Is it worth it? What do I stand to lose? What is the possible collateral damage?

“The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy,[a] your whole body will be full of light. 23 But if your eyes are unhealthy,[b] your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!” (Matthew 6:22-23)

12 “Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” (James 1:12)

Temptation to sin is always shortsighted and not thought through. To be unfaithful to the Lord, to your marriage and family, you must make multiple wrong decisions to pursue something wrong or sinful – multiple. We each have ample opportunity to stop, listen to that still small voice and repent, cut off our thoughts and our actions so that we can return to God’s truth and the freedom His truth provides.

*Thank you to the PRT team and Mark Pfeifer for these qualifications.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Training

It Can be Painful to Become Fruitful

I have grown apple, pear and peach trees for years and enjoyed the fruit they bear. It was a constant challenge however, growing fruit from those trees. There were diseases that attacked them. Ants loved those trees, as did multiple other insects. They had to be sprayed regularly and pruned annually. Of course, bees were necessary to pollinate them; rain, sun, and regular feeding to grow them. It’s any wonder with all the work there was any fruit at all. 

I had one other hazard to look out for with my fruit trees in particular–our yellow labrador retriever, Maggie. She loved picking the low hanging fruit. When it was green, she had endless fun playing with those “balls.” When it was ripe, she grabbed her daily share to lay down on our picnic bench and devour them. 

Without all the work there was no fruit, or at best, low quality fruit. But work should yield good fruit, right? The concept of growing fruit is found in the Bible. Jesus spoke about it and He verified that His Father was a fruit grower as well. In John chapter 15 Jesus shared that He cuts off branches which no longer produce fruit. No fruit can be born without a connection to the tree. Jesus taught that He is the vine and we are the branches. Apart from Jesus, we cannot produce fruit. 

Further, He taught us about pruning or cutting the tree back so it can give more of its energy into growing fruit. It took me years to develop the concept of a proper pruning of a fruit tree. I can still recall one older gentleman who said, “After you cut the tree back, return to it and prune it again.” The tree looks pretty bare and hopeless to produce anything. 

When Paul the Apostle was writing to the Galatian church he mentioned “fruit of the Spirit” and then listed them as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. While God’s pruning of us as His branches is not painless, it serves a very clear purpose: producing fruit in our lives and ridding us of “the sinful nature desires” that are “contrary to the Spirit.” Like pruning a fruit tree to produce larger, sweeter, and more inviting fruit, our heavenly Father is pruning us so we can produce good and attractive fruit from our lives.

Your heavenly Father is a gentle vine dresser, but purposeful. He knows exactly where to operate, how deep to cut, and how much to sever. Grant Him permission to cut off the unfruitful desires of the flesh so He can grow His fruit of the Spirit in your life, “Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.” (See Galatians 5:16-26.)

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Challenge, Healing, Just for fun, Marriage, Men, Parents, Postmarital, Premarital, Women

Bringing Laughter into Your Marriage

My wife and I love to laugh. We’ll catch Funniest Home Videos whenever we can. I take the time to show her funny YouTube videos or share memes that cause a chuckle. Why? 

A cheerful heart is good medicine,
    but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. (Proverbs 17:22)

Laughter brings joy to a marriage. It breaks down tension and relaxes the atmosphere. Laughter is medicinal to the soul, the spirit and the body. Laughter is physically, emotionally, and spiritually good for your marriage. 

Have you ever asked your spouse these questions? “What made you laugh today?” Or how about, “What’s the funniest memory you have in our marriage?” Bringing laughter into your marriage can help move us from a stale place, an angry place or a disappointed place to a place of smiles and positive emotions. 

Mary and I recently recalled one of the funniest times in our marriage. It was years ago when our kids were teenagers and we had just dropped off our daughter for a church activity. We noticed that all the lights were on at the brand-new Burger King in our town. There was traffic and people were inside eating. We decided on a hamburger dinner. It was strange though…

As we entered, the new manager offered us champaign. We made our way to the line to order and the kids behind the counter offered anything we wanted, any menu item for FREE. I said, “Free, are you sure?” “Yes” said the attendant. She then countered, “Order all you want, even dessert; it’s all free!” I immediately leaned over and whispered in my wife’s ear, “We need to call our boys; they’ll show them how to do free.”

Mary went for our drinks while I grabbed a table. Within minutes she came running to find me. Looking straight at me with this horrid face of doom and speaking rapidly, but very quietly, said, “Steve, every person here is a parent of a kid who’s going to work here. It’s free because they are giving them opportunity to serve in real time to their families.” And then she added, “We have got to get out of here before someone asks us which of our kids will be working here!”

We gobbled our food down and hightailed it out of there. We found ourselves laughing for the next thirty minutes. We even woke up our sleeping daughter that night as we lay in our bed laughing out loud.

Laughing together will bring you closer; you’ll touch more and talk more. A conversation full of laughter is more intimate and will bring down your guard, creating an atmosphere of more openness.

Laughter– it’ll do your marriage good!

Our mouths were filled with laughter,
    our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
    “The Lord has done great things for them.” (Psalm 126:2)

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Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Healing, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Marriage, Men, Parents, Postmarital, Women

Does Going Through a Rough Patch in Our Marriage Disqualify Us from Ministry?

Every marriage has it challenges and some more than others. Does that disqualify us from ministry in our local church or elsewhere? The answer? Yes and no.

The first step is assessment. How long have we had this struggle? Is it a repeated struggle? Have we sought counsel for this particular issue? Do we avoid finding solutions? Are we actively trying to find solutions? Are we being stubborn and refusing personal change? Are either one of us in active sin? Are we blaming our spouse solely for the struggle and not taking any personal responsibility? 

The answers to these questions can help us determine whether we should be involved in ministry during this season of our relationship.

We recently experienced a couple sharing with us they feel disqualified for entering a couples’ ministry at this time because they are attempting to work through some of their own marriage issues. I asked them if they ever struggle raising their children or have they made huge mistakes in parenting. They said, “yes.” I then asked them if they should stop parenting or perhaps consider adopting out their children. As ridiculous as that sounds, sometimes it’s just as ridiculous to think disqualification from ministry over aggressively pursuing marital healing.

You must know if you can minister to others while experiencing conflict yourself, but neither does the conflict always disqualify you from serving others. It is out of our own pain sometimes that we learn to help others. And healed people can bring healing to many!

The key is, after assessment, chase healing. Give it everything you have and pursue growth in your marriage and in your individual lives. As we heal individually, our marriage will also experience healing. There is no perfect marriage, but we serve a perfect Savior who possesses all the answers we need for our daily life challenges!

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Identity, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Training

Trusting God for Vengeance or Justice?

Should we ever desire revenge? 

I can still vividly recall the counselee who confessed to me of being repeatedly molested by her father from childhood into adulthood. She was longing for answers, for freedom, for forgiveness to come and for hope. I can also remember how tense and tight (from anger) my body would become as she painfully shared her experience encompassing years of sexual abuse. And I, as well, remember her question of where was God?

Counselors are not to be the answer, but rather to help the counselee arrive at answers. However, as the counselor, I was fuming, struggling with what I felt her father deserved. But I wasn’t just having an emotional response; my emotions and my physical being, along with my spirit, were reacting to evil.

One thing I also remember from this time was that this precious woman did not seek God for revenge, but rather, justice. What’s the difference?

Revenge is pursued by a victim, but justice is provided by someone other than the victim. Revenge says that when I am hurt, I want to hurt back. Revenge is power over the offender. Justice is someone above the victim and the offender who takes the victim’s side and executes impartial righteousness. My counselee wasn’t asking that her father pay for his crimes against her, but rather, she was seeking justice from her heavenly Father. 

Christians are not to become professional victims. Christ brings far more justice and freedom than that. All His holiness reveals to us that His anger is just: “He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.” (Deuteronomy 32:4)

I share this story because I believe there are times that all of us desire revenge. We long for someone to pay. Truthfully Someone has and His name is Jesus. Please consider Romans 12:17 and 19 which says, “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone…. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay, says the Lord.’” 

Where was God? While we desire immediacy, God does not, but His justice will follow, and He will have the final word. 

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Prayer

Healed of a Blood Disorder

Have you suffered with an illness for a long time? Perhaps you’ve seen numerous doctors only to still have multiple symptoms. Twelve long years a woman, who is described in the Bible, dealt with a bleeding disorder. 

One day she heard the news that Jesus was coming her way. She caught wind that this Jesus was a “healer” or something of the sort. All else had failed her; why not try to get near Him? This woman, with forceful determination, pushed her way through the crowd, and with certain faith got close enough to touch Jesus.

The Gospel of Matthew relates this true story in chapter nine. It records that she came up from behind Him and simply touched the edge of His outer garment thinking to herself, “If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed.” (verse 21)

Jesus immediately turned and caught her hopeful eyes. Rather than rebuke her for touching Him He said, “Take heart, daughter, your faith has healed you.” Can you imagine? Twelve years of suffering gone in an instant of reckless, yet relentless faith. When Jesus turned, she knew that He knew who touched Him. Such a powerful moment recorded for us to have similar faith for healing.

It happened to me

It was 1976, my second year of marriage. I was leaving the military and applying for a job with a military contractor. I got the job but had to qualify by passing a medical exam. I failed the exam!

I thought I was a perfectly healthy 22-year-old who would fly through any medical exam. Not so. I had a low white blood cell count and had to subject myself to multiple blood drawings. Each time my white cell count became lower. Finally, a bone marrow test was ordered.

My newly married wife, a nurse, had fears of the worst – leukemia. The night before the bone marrow exam was to take place, the elders of our local church prayed for me. (You will see this in the scripture recorded in James 5: 14-16.)  

My marrow was tested and no disorder discovered. From that point, I had to endure blood drawing two times a week, but every time the results came back my white cell count was improving. It improved to normality.

I had touched the edge of that same garment and was healed!

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Identity, Issues of the Day, Men, Parents, Singles, Small Groups, Training, Women

Shame: A Tool of God or the Enemy?

Many of us, if not all of us, are well acquainted with the emotional upheaval of shame. Since almost the beginning of our existence on earth, shame has been present. 

Does shame serve a purpose? Is there a biblical or spiritual reason for shame? Is shame always considered something bad? Can shame motivate us? Should Christians ever accept feelings of shame?

Where it all began

God created a perfect world and placed mankind into a perfect garden – His garden. With the fall of man, came what is known today as the emotion of shame. The Lord God called to Adam and asked him where he was. God couldn’t find him? Not so. God could not find the Adam that previously faced Him without shame and fear. 

“He [Adam] answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid. And he [God] said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?” (Genesis 3:10-11)

Fear and shame of Adam’s nakedness filled his heart, and the separation from his Maker began. Then, in response to the shame they felt, what does God do for Adam and Eve? By verse 21, God was handcrafting garments for Adam and Eve. Why? To cover their nakedness and to remove shame.

Just what is shame?

Because we as humankind are so full of pride when we fail or we sin, our pride creates a desire to hide just as Adam did. We failed and we don’t know how to deal with the feelings we feel. As God’s creation who desired to be like God, we fail to live up to our own expectations, the expectations of others, and/or what we feel God expects. And that is enough to bring about feelings of shame and disappointment. 

Shame creates false thinking like: I am a bad person because of my failure. I will never be good enough. I deserve to feel bad because I constantly come up short. I am worthless. I’ve been such a fool. Shame is something we place upon ourselves when we have thoughts like these.

I dealt with shame

As a child growing up in the 1950’s and 1960’s, parents often used shame as a means of attempting to correct wrong behavior. They thought they could shame us into better or more appropriate responses. They did this through words like, “You should be ashamed of yourself, acting like that.” Or we often heard this one, “What are you, stupid?” And then there was this one, “How could you be so dumb?” Shame-filled words do not administer correction, they create a defeated self-concept of oneself that can eventually lead to a very low esteem or even self-punishment.

Our Lord does bring discipline and correction to us, but He does it in a life-giving, loving way. His goal is not to crush our spirit with the use of shame, but to correct in a spirit of hope and encouragement to change our beliefs, thoughts and actions. 

Why then do Christians struggle with shame?

For many of us who have trusted in Jesus for our salvation, shame can still plague us. The enemy of our soul wants to remind us of our past deeds, sins, mistakes and then bring back the familiar feelings of shame. Often there are voices and scenes stuck in our heads with old video messages of shame-filled words that multiple people spoke over us. We often give in to those false messages and we allow these persons and their voices to have power over us.

It’s interesting that we are told in the scriptures our heavenly Father does not hold shame or sin over us. Why? Because it is not a motivator for becoming shame-free. In fact, God’s word says, “Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
and everlasting joy will be yours.” (Isaiah 61:7) Instead of shame…everlasting joy.

Also, through divine inspiration, the prophet Isaiah wrote these power-filled words: “Fear not; you will no longer live in shame. Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of your widowhood.” (54:4)

As Christians, we can still struggle with shame because we do not realize the price that our Savior paid for that shame. How can I be so confident of that? Listen to what Paul wrote to the Roman church, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.” (Romans 10:11) The more we believe God’s word (His promises and not the tapes in our head from our former misbeliefs), the more truth that we store in our spirit, and the more faith and hope we have in the penalty Jesus paid. Consequently, the freer we become of shame.

Again, Peter harmonizes with Paul and writes, “For in Scripture it says: ‘See I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame.’” (I Peter 2:6)

Stop hiding

Adam and Eve hid, and we’ve been hiding from God ever since. There is only one place that we are called to hide, only one place where we can rid ourselves of shame, and only one place where there is no longer any fear that leads to shame: “…fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2)

Jesus was led like a sheep to the slaughter, arrested, mocked, spit on, beaten, insulted, given a crown of thorns – all a picture that was full of shame and humiliation. Jesus chose to obey His Father as He bore our shame and our guilt through a torturous and agonizing death.

There is no other place to go for freedom, for atonement, and for cleansing of our shame. Shame always says we’re guilty, but from the cross Jesus said that guilt and shame were paid for. He died for shame-filled sexual sin, theft, out of control anger, abuse, and anything else you can name from your life. When we repent of our sin and receive Him as our Savior, He pronounces over us that the penalty for our sin, the guilt, the shame, the menicing weakness we feel is covered by His blood and sacrifice on the cross. And from that cross He says, “Shame off of you!”

Jesus is the only one that we can trust to deal with our shame. He helps us to flee from the sin-filled choices we once made and lifestyles we once lived. In desiring to please Him, we can turn over those old video files and request that they be erased – permanently. We no longer need to feel ashamed.

“In you oh Lord, I put my trust; let me never be ashamed; deliver me in your righteousness.” (Psalm 31:1)

“In you, Lord, I have refuge; let me never be put to shame.” (Psalm 71:1)

“I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame,  nor let my enemies triumph over me. No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause.” (Psalm 25:2,3)

Choose a life of joy, free of condemnation

As we confess our sin, our fear, and our shame, believe God to release you of those burdens. Forgive those persons who spoke words of shame over you. Often those persons spoke out of their own shame-filled souls. Make use of the scriptures in this article to counteract the lies and the misbeliefs of your past. Remember that it is not what others think of you, it’s what your heavenly Father thinks of you and what Christ has done for you on the cross. Finally, live out the truth of this verse, “There is, therefore, now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.” (Romans 8:1)

“Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces.”(Psalm 34:5)

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, History, Issues of the Day

God’s Tinkering

For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son…  Romans 8:29

Henry Ford, as the story is told, hired an electrical wizard to repair one of his huge electrical motors.  Charlie Steinmetz came, found the problem, repaired it and sent Mr. Ford a bill for $10,000.00.  Henry Ford could not imagine such a large expense for “a little bit of tinkering.”  Surely Charlie placed too many zeros on his invoice.  Mr. Steinmetz’s response to Henry was simple: $10.00 for “tinkering” and $9,990.00 for “knowing where to tinker.”

In order for God to conform us to His image it takes a bit of tinkering.  I imagine it to be something like Holy Spirit crawling down into the sewers of our soul to remove that which does not honor Him in order to rebuild and conform us to that which does honor Him.  While all of us desire change to happen instantly, so much of being conformed takes a life time.  

We all have a past, but when we came to Jesus, the cross made the difference between us and our histories.  Jesus became a curse for us so that we could become redeemed from the curse (Gal. 3:13).  The cross separated us from, “…the empty way of life handed down to [us]” (I Pet. 1:18).  And, we were made alive, our sins forgiven…taken away and nailed to the cross (Col. 2:13-14).  Jesus is the great Counselor and we celebrate Easter this weekend becasue His tomb is empty and He is alive!

Ask the Holy Spirit, the One whom Jesus sent, to continue to conform your life today – He knows exactly where to tinker.

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Issues of the Day, Just for fun, Prayer

The Healing Power of Water

Did you know it’s a proven fact that when we’re around water, for example, oceans, lakes, streams and rivers, we are calmer, exhibit less anxiety and can actually be rejuvenated? Water activities like swimming, skiing, snorkeling, and surfing are said to help us enter into a state of calmness.

Vast bodies of water produce a state of awe. That’s an emotional response to how we actually view our world and our personal perspective within that world. Even the sound of water has a soothing effect on us, while the smell of an ocean breeze can trigger good memories and sooth the human soul. 

Water has a rhythm to it. Think of the constant, repeated movement of waves on the seashore or the babbling brook. Rain on a roof is especially rhythmic and pleasant to some persons. Water can hold our attention for hours and bring a sense of fascination that helps us relax our brains and slow down our thoughts. All that reveals a truth: water is restorative.

However, here are some biblically interesting thoughts that I want to share with you about water. A lot of Jesus’ life, miracles and sermons either involved water or were around water. For example: Jesus’ baptism, teaching from Peter’s fishing boat, walking on water, calming the raging sea and making breakfast for His disciples after His resurrection. And lastly, one of my favorite verses in the Bible also involved water and I love its connotations:

Matthew chapter 13 and verse one states, “That same day, Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake.” That’s it. That’s the whole verse. 

What was Jesus doing by the lake? Was he fretting over his day? Was He going over His to-do list? Was He contemplating His anticipated encounters with the Pharisees? I think He was sitting by the lake to experience the refreshment of a body of water and admiring His creation. He was centering Himself before His day would begin. 

Water will do that. So find a body of water or some form of nature that speaks to your spirit and calms your soul and “sit by it”… frequently. 

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Challenge, Encouragement, Healing, Insecurity, Issues of the Day

Rejection is Sometimes God’s Protection

We all know how much we embrace and love rejection, right? Normally, rejection hurts and we avoid it at all cost. But sometimes rejection is actually God’s protection. How so?

Think about the time you were rejected for a promotion only to be offered a better job a few months later. Think about the rejection from your girlfriend only to later discover the person you would actually marry. Think about a word of rejection from a close friend, once again to discover it was true and prompted personal change.

There are rejections in this life that somehow, by the hand of God, turn into a blessing of protection for His child. He is ultimately concerned for your greatest good, certainly not your hurt. 

I can recall being rejected while in a serious relationship only to have my eyes opened to eventually discover the one I would marry six months later. At the time, I could see no redemptive purpose in that letter of rejection, but given over to God, He would use it to bring someone else into my world. That was 52 years ago!

I have experienced many rejections since then, only to discover God’s hand was in it because, “…we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

If Jesus is the Lord of your life, you have an unfair advantage even when it comes to rejection. Nothing gets by God…nothing. He loves you and has your best interest in mind! He can turn rejection into protection and with it provide you with new direction.

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