At first I was a bit taken aback by the expression that was just spoken half jokingly. It went like this, “We’re always in agreement; we do what she says.” Do you find yourself all too often acquiescing to your spouse’s desires in order to head off an argument? Should you be doing that?
Perhaps there’s a deeper issue. It might be fear. Or, it could be the more hidden root of mistrust. Being fearful of push back, being wrong or feeling shamed is not a good sign in a marriage relationship. Also, where there is fear present in a relationship, there is a lack of love and where there is mistrust, there is a root of unresolved past issues with hurts attached.
This leadership couple honestly confessed and was willing to talk about past issues with disagreement. They were willing to disagree. But what I think they were really saying was sometimes it’s more biblical to overlook an offense or a difference of opinion. Proverbs 19:11 states, “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.”
If we’re avoiding communication thinking that it will lead to a heated disagreement, then we’re not doing the two of us any good. You have to be committed to work through the differences. After all, it is those differences that in the end will create a better decision. Truthfully, both of you with your collective opinion, input and insight are necessary for healthy communication and dealing with conflict. By the way, it’s not wrong to have conflict; it’s wrong to not resolve the conflict.
It is to a man’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel. Proverbs 20:3
Why don’t you have an extramarital affair? Seriously, be honest with yourself and answer the question. What did you come up with? If I could guarantee you will never be found out, you’ll never get caught, would your answer change?
I have a theory and I believe the testimony of hundreds of married couples backs up this theory. The theory is the more sex you have outside of marriage, the less sex you have within marriage.
“The truth is, I never loved her.” Unfortunately, I’ve heard these words more than once. Since I probably never have been totally honest in my response, I’ll be honest with you.
We make a personal choice with whom we marry – no one forces us. Do you want to stay in love? Then love your spouse with all your heart. Do you want to be happy? Then work toward making your spouse happy. Ask God to show you all of your personal selfish desires so that you can continue your love commitment through every stage of your marriage.
I could barely believe the conversation that was going on in front of me. It was impossible not to hear. The international airline lounge was packed with weary travelers and I needed to stay put while waiting for my flight. I’ll get back to this story later and tell you about the specifics of this conversation, but first let’s consider a hard question.
Individuals are “hooking up” at the workplace, on social media and along the sidelines of their kids sporting events. We tend to have an insatiable desire for understanding and a listening ear and when we receive that from someone other than our spouse, we are walking on shaky ground.
Recently while in the nation of New Zealand, a friend pointed to a fellow teacher and said, “See that older gentleman?” I assured him that I did. He went on to explain, “I am younger than him and I am retired from teaching.” I asked why he chooses not to retire figuring the conversation was leading that way. My friend replied, “He tells me he wants to continue teaching because it is far better than going home and living with his critical wife.”
In God’s word, Ephesians chapter five is where we often find ourselves concerning the husband and wife relationship. We tend to quote those parts that we like in these verses, but often fail to remember the parts that require effort from us. For example, what man doesn’t like the fact that God requires a woman to respect her husband? And, what woman doesn’t like the part that asks a husband to love his wife?
We hear far too many reports about marriages that are not lasting. When marriage is full of selfishness, insecurity and immaturity, marriage becomes an attempt to receive healing from our spouse, i.e., if they’re the problem, they’re the solution as well. When our spouse deals with the same inadequacies, they are unable to give what we’re looking for. Over a period of time, the thought of having married the wrong person is often generated.
issues in your life. Too often we blame our spouse for our worst and then think they’re the problem, believing the lie that all would be better if they would make all the changes.
Occasionally it’s good to evaluate our marriage progression. Today I want to share five ways in which we can identify marriage growth and maturity. Don’t be discouraged if you feel overdue in any of these areas; just realize maturity does take time and personal revelation for change.
Steve Prokopchak 