Uncategorized

The Tale of the Boll Weevil

Way down south in the county of Coffee, in the town of Enterprise, and in the state of Alabama there is a tribute dedicated to the boll weevil. A thirteen-foot-high statue of a woman holding a large, black boll weevil adorns the town square. Am I pulling your leg? 

For over two hundred years cotton was king in the south and boll weevils do love cotton. Their infestation destroyed acres of cotton crops and the farmers’ income. So why would one town erect a statue that expresses profound appreciation for this pest?

By 1910 boll weevils covered the state of Alabama and farmers lost over 70% of their cotton crops. Nothing decimated the south like the boll weevil. Farmers were forced to abandon cotton growing and they turned to the peanut. By 1917 Coffee County was harvesting more than one million bushels of peanuts annually and the town of Enterprise became known as the peanut capital of the world. That year, with a prayer of thanksgiving to God, the statue was erected to honor the boll weevil.

Has it ever been true that your world could have fallen apart only to reveal a solution which eventually alters your life toward a far better direction? Catch this verse:

“So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while.” (I Peter 1:6)

Standard
Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Just for fun, Leadership, Marriage, Men, Parents, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles, Uncategorized

A Message to the Newly Married or the Soon to Be Married

In another two months my wife and I will be married for 50 years. I hope that counts for something. 

When we look back, it’s easy to identify multiple mistakes that we made. It’s as well, easy to identify those decisions that worked. Taking responsibility for our decisions and their outcome is a major step toward maturity in a marriage relationship. Good decisions reap good outcomes and bad decisions reap a consequence that we both must own and then grow from. 

So, those thoughts lead me to pen some advice from an older married couple. Here goes:

  • Stay away from major discussions or decisions if you’re hungry or tired.
  • Treat your spouse the way you desire to be treated. (Luke 6:31)
  • Place your spouse ahead of yourself (Philippians 2:3-4).
  • Never leave or return home without finding each other and sharing a kiss and an “I love you.”
  • Make each other laugh. Have fun. (Proverbs 17:22)
  • Your most intimate connection is praying together (Matthew 18:19).
  • Do not look for 100% agreement in everything. Accept that you will always enjoy some personal differences. They’ll make you a better team.
  • Realize that agreement is greater than disagreement (Amos 3:3).
  • Conflict is inevitable and part of a close relationship. Conflict is not wrong, however; conflict without compromise and then finding a resolve is wrong.
  • Build a livable, agreeable budget and stick to it.  
  • Always have a short-term savings and a long-term savings.
  • Do your best to stay out of debt (Proverbs 22:7).
  • Never maintain a credit card balance (Psalms 37:21).
  • Give one another a monthly spending allowance.
  • Doing without lots of things can save your marriage.
  • Hold hands…a lot.
  • Write love notes and send cards in the mail to one another.
  • Bring home surprises for each another.
  • Date your spouse and when children arrive, date your children.
  • Check your pockets before putting your clothes in the wash.
  • Men, put the toilet seat down.
  • Divide cleaning responsibilities along with other household duties.
  • Take lots of time to talk and enjoy conversation.
  • Keep the TV and other devices out of or turned off in your bedroom.
  • Make your bedroom a special place where you end your day and then begin your day together.
  • No kids in your bedroom.
  • Remember that romance is not over once you’re married; it just began.
  • Always have at least one meal together every day, two if possible.
  • Keep complaining to a minimum; keep praise to a maximum.
  • Sit on the porch or deck together. No porch/deck? Build one.
  • Learn the skill of listening, not just talking.
  • Always construct in private.
  • When children arrive, remember they will be one of your most important contributions to your world; so treat them with love, respect, provide life-giving correction and don’t give them to someone else to raise.

There are more, but that’s for another time. 

Standard
Uncategorized

Emotions: Good, Bad or Indifferent?

Let’s face it; we all have feelings. For some, feelings control their actions more than others. 

Have you ever really thought about the process of how you and I arrive at our feelings? There actually is an underlying and explainable process. 

Feelings or emotions are a result of our thoughts. If I tell you a joke and you think it’s funny, your response will be to laugh. If you don’t think it’s funny, you will not laugh. While that’s simply stated, it is the reality. Feelings are more accurately defined as responses or reactions to our thoughts. 

When you have a feeling that you don’t understand try this exercise: stop and listen to your thoughts. Practice listening to yourself and you will identify what is instigating your feelings. If you’re feeling angry or agitated, what were you just thinking about? If you can capture that thought, you will have identified the source of your anger. 

For example, when people say, “You make me so angry!” That’s not really accurate. The truth is what the other person is doing or saying is interpreted by you and is creating certain thoughts. From those thoughts you choose the response of anger. That’s why there can be dozens of cars stuck in a traffic jam with multiple reactions. Some persons are out of their car trying to discover what’s wrong, others are beeping their horn or becoming agitated due to the holdup and yet others are taking the unwanted interruption to read a book. All different reactions to the very same problem because each of us generate different thoughts about how we’re interpreting our environment. 

Are feelings good? Generally speaking, yes. God created us with the capacity to feel. However, when feelings become more important than truth we can get ourselves into trouble. What do I mean?

If our thinking is not truth filled, we are then reacting to a lie or a near truth. Consequently, our feelings are not based on truth. When our feelings or reactions are not based on truth, our responses can be skewed. 

Is there a connection between positive and negative thoughts to our emotions? Yes, there is. No one is a positive thinker 100% of the time. But positive thoughts generate more positive feelings and that’s very real. That said, we can also lie to ourselves and manipulate those feelings. Having constant negative thoughts about ourself or others does create more negative responses. 

Thankfully, not every thought is processed through our feelings. For example, when approaching a stop sign my automated response is to stop because I see the sign, my brain knows the law and I begin the braking process. I do not ask myself if I feel like stopping. Stopping at a stop sign is not an emotion-generating process. However, if someone runs a red light and endangers my family, I will have an emotional response.

I hope this has been helpful to you. Feelings are reactions to our thoughts. Solomon wrote, “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty. And he who rules his spirit than he who captures a city.” (Proverbs 16:32)

Standard
Uncategorized

In Defiance to God!

It was cold outside, but I was HOT! I briskly walked behind the barn on our ministry property and defiantly raised my fist to God. It was a valiant effort to somehow express my frustration with the place He had me, my personal defeat, anger and my very loud challenge spoken directly to God Himself. 

My expression went something like this, “I challenge You, God, to bring a job down this driveway for me. See if You can do THAT!” 

I was coming to the end of eight years of faith ministry, although I didn’t know it was the end. I had been asking God for a job outside the ministry facility so I could raise my family in a safe place; a place where I knew they could be provided for. Every prospective employer said “No, you’re under- or overqualified.”

Immediately feeling a bit foolish, mortal and embarrassed, almost straightaway I could hear that still small voice, a voice that is not brash or bold. It was that voice which never feels like, “You got to do it now whether you like it or not or die!” That voice I knew from previous encounters was a loving, understanding and slow to anger God. 

He whispered, “You are privileged.” And just what does that mean? “You are privileged to have gone through what you have gone through; not all My leaders can endure what you have.” You mean, I am privileged to have suffered here in this place? “Yes.” So, I am not the idiot leader who has to suffer greatly to understand what You’re saying? “No, you’re not an idiot leader.” I’m privileged, huh? “Yes, you have passed the test and I can move you on and, yes, I can bring a job down the driveway.”

To understand an actual job, possible employment, coming down the driveway you must know we lived in a very rural county with a population of only 12,000 total people. And, there were very few jobs as it was the mid 1980’s, not a wonderful time for job hunting. 

Within two weeks a social worker from Pittsburg, PA drove down the driveway and asked me to help him start a nonprofit child welfare agency in Harrisburg, PA. I looked at him like he was from outer space and said, “Do you see where I live? No, I am not moving to Harrisburg, PA.” He drove back out the driveway.

My wife kindly reminded me of my conversation and my challenge to God. I hung my head in shame, but rather than call him back, I boldly asked God to do it one more time. It was kind of like a fleece. After all, if He really wanted us there, He could send a second person down the same driveway. 

And He did. About two months later a second social worker from Pittsburg, PA showed up and proceeded to tell me the first person did not accomplish the task and he was replacing him. He said, “I am not going unless you go with me.”

I said, YES.

Standard
Uncategorized

Five Days Until Christmas

Brief thoughts leading up to the celebration of Christ’s birth.

Jesus Christ, Son of God, and Savior came to earth wrapped in a swaddling cloth and placed in an animal feeding trough. This Jesus would usher in the New Covenant, a new relationship between God and man. During His earthly stay, He would declare the love of God, His Father, to the world, heal the sick, cast out demonic presence, turn tables upside down, speak of His home in heaven and confront the religious spirits of His day. 

All over the world Christians will gather and celebrate this historical fact. And the one thing His presence always brings is unity, no matter the ethnic or cultural background. His plan would bring hope to all the world, every nation and every people group. For there is neither Jew nor Greek, male nor female as we are all one in Christ. (Galatians 3:28) 

For the first time in all of history, salvation would come to everyone! 

This is Christmas; this is the greatest hope and the greatest story for all the world! 

Standard
Uncategorized

Tying the Knot Tighter; 10 Ways to Grow Your Marriage

We’re all looking for ways to stay married. Whenever you hear of a marriage that has lasted 50 years or more, the question that follows is always, “How did you do it?” I listen very closely when I hear about one of those special marriages. 

I heard someone recently say, “Tie the marriage knot so tight it can’t be untied.” That’s wisdom when it comes to two persons staying together.

So, what are some of those practical, insightful words of wisdom to tie the knot tighter and to grow your marriage to become closer, intimate and stay very much alive? 

  1. Serve God together. Make Him first in your lives and in your marriage. Pray together as it leads to a greater level of intimacy.
  2. Discover your marriage mission­–the “why” of your marriage.
  3. Serve one another. Discover what blesses your life mate and serve them in that area.
  4. Find commonality in things to do together. Find fun things that make you laugh together. Maintain a bi-monthly or monthly date night.
  5. Be challenged in your marriage. Read a marriage growth book together. Go to a seminar on marriage. Attend a sweetheart banquet.
  6. Discover what nourishes your spouse, what their love language is, and pursue those things.
  7. Be committed to a local church family where you can serve together and where you can grow and learn together with accountability for your marriage relationship.
  8. Maintain your sexual intimacy. Never allow it to be stolen from you. Fight for it.
  9. Take time to listen to each other and then reflect upon what you heard so you can also hear each other’s heart.
  10. Evaluate your relationship. Ask yourselves where you can grow and how are you doing spiritually, physically, financially and emotionally.

Marriage does not grow on its own. Anything not exercised suffers from atrophy. You are responsible to take the steps and then you will realize your marriage knot growing tighter.

Standard
Uncategorized

Identity: It’s Not About You II

A Thirty Day Devotional adapted from the NEW book: Identity: The Distinctiveness of You – Day 11

I am loved; God’s Son sacrificed Himself for me. I John 4:10

I am born of the imperishable seed of God’s word. I Peter 1:23

You exist because God called you into existence.  You are loved and accepted by Him because He loves and accepts you.  All you have to do is breathe and He is pleased with you.  He says to you today, as He did to His Son over 2,000 years ago, “You are my son/daughter, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.”

Receive these words into your spirit right now, this very moment, because they are truth.  Even if everyone else rejects you, God does not.  He is pleased with you. You cannot earn His pleasure; you already have it.  You cannot earn His love; you already have it.  This is why you exist.  This is how God sees you.

You are not who you think you are.  You are who He says you are!  If you are trying to be who you think others desire you to be, you will never be who He desires you to be.  It is said, “What you don’t know won’t hurt you.”  The truth is that what you do not know from God’s truth and what you don’t apply to your life, what you haven’t heard and what you don’t understand will hurt you severely.

Psychologist and author, Robert McGee said it this way, “Who you think you should be is less than who you already are.”  That statement is worth reading several more times.

To believe anything less than this is to be lied to.  To receive those lies as truth will harm you forever.  Stop living in anything less like hurt, offense, disappointment, rejection.  Start living through a revelation of His love, acceptance and approval of you. Romans 15:7 reveals ever so clearly that Christ accepts you, “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” 

To be accepted for who we are is a human longing. To be accepted by God Himself is supernatural acceptance. We will never find freedom attaching ourselves to rejections of the past, wounds found within our history or present disappointments.  They are not who we are or are becoming.  Never give in to the hurt from others, allowing them to be more powerful than God’s truth.  Never allow others to decide who you are.  Jesus created you for His pleasure and only He knows who you really are.  Only He can fulfill you, complete you and heal you.

Hear Jesus’ prayer for you: 

Father, I want those you have given to me with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.  Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me.  I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.  (John 17: 24-26

Question for reflection:

Who does God say that you are?

To order the Identity book, please click here.

Standard
Uncategorized

Your Present Location in Marriage is Not Your Final Destination

Why do we tend to think that our present location in marriage is where we’ll stay? It isn’t. We will change and our life mate will change – guaranteed.

Why will we change? We’ll realize that the choices we make on a daily basis will affect us in the future. We’ll learn that when we overcharge our credit card, the consequence will show up in 30 days or less. We’ll discover that the fight we had yesterday without resolve will still be in our midst today in some form. We’ll understand that the differences we have in disciplining our children will be identified and we’ll need to work on uniting our approach.

We’ll do this because we realize that for two to walk together there will need to be agreement. (See Amos 3:3.) Agreement is far more powerful than disagreement. To find agreement as a married couple is like discovering a large check that we forgot to cash and deposit into our account. Agreement is a windfall of moving our marriage forward. 

Agreement in a marriage means we’re in one accord. If you’re unhappy with your present location in marriage, give it some time. Locate the areas of disagreement and then look for the solutions that will bring you and your spouse into agreement. Agreement will move you from your present location in marriage toward your latter years’ destination. 

Picture with your spouse what you desire those latter years to look like. Then dream about the ways and the means to get there. What changes will you need to implement today in order to see tomorrow looking different? 

Where your marriage is located today is not your final destination. There are good days, challenging days and amazing days ahead. Stay the course and keep moving forward in one accord.

Standard
Uncategorized

The Number One Reason to Get Out of Debt

While there are many reasons to pay down debt early and to eventually pay off debt, there is a reason that most financial experts do not include in their advice. 

Yes, you will feel a new level of freedom. Yes, you will be able to save more money. And, yes, you will stretch your paycheck much further. But none of these come close to the number one reason to put debt behind you.

Here is the number one reason: you will be able to give more. That’s right. Persons who are debt-free give more to help others. They do not need to consider the question of whether or not they can afford to do so, but rather are waiting to hear about needs they can respond to. 

When money is tight due to excessive credit card payments, car payments or that personal loan, you will struggle to give. Your thoughts will center around what you need rather than what others need.

I recently was privileged to hear a story from a young couple in their twenties. They married and between the two of them had a combined $130,000 in college debt and a car loan. Together they developed a plan to retire this debt. As they prayed and stuck to their plan, they actually became (drum roll here) debt-free within three years! Three years may seem like a long time, but they learned so much about debt, about giving and about the discipline of paying off loans early and exactly how much money it saved them in the long run. 

Perhaps you haven’t thought about the freedom you might feel if you were able to reduce your debt considerably, but I can personally guarantee that you will find certain freedom and realize the fun it is to be able to sow into the needs of others.

“In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’” (Acts 20:35)

Standard
Challenge, Children, Encouragement, Parents, Uncategorized

Comparison is a Killer

I am not totally sure why comparison is so often our human go-to mode.

I’m guessing the experts would have a lot to say on the subject, but the Bible has something to say as well.  It states, “We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves.  When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.”  (II Cor. 10:12)  Pretty straightforward, eh?

 

Some years ago I wrote a tract about developing a child’s self-esteem and started out with the story of Maggie.  I observed that Maggie never combed her hair, brushed her teeth, looked in a mirror or compared herself with anyone.  She was our Labrador Retriever whose full name was Sweet Magnolia of Pheasant Hills, aka Maggie.  She knew who she was, who she was created to be and she knew our unconditional love and acceptance of her.  Perhaps that’s what’s missing in our lives…knowing who we are, what we’re created for and that we’re all unconditionally loved and approved of by our Father in heaven.

 

The Bible says that comparison is unwise. Why? When we compare ourselves to someone else we typically come up short or proud, insignificant or feeling better than another.  Obviously these outcomes are unproductive and self-deprecating.  Comparison is often full of feeling less than, not measuring up or lacking in performance.  Or, it’s full of pride, feeling better than and viewing oneself as more significant than others by out performing.  Crazy thing is it’s all within our own minds.

 

If you have children help them to not compare themselves.  Children have their own unique gifts and talents.  Do not make performance the determining factor of your love, acceptance and approval of them.  Never compare them with their sibling.  Comparison is full of critical judgment and will eventually kill their creativity.

 

Ask God to help you hear your own thoughts of comparison and allow Him to speak truth-filled words over you rather than your own negative or pride-filled mental dialogue.  I wrote another prayer tract called, Who I am in Christ and it is filled with the truth of scripture to help you know whose you are and why you exist so that comparison can end once and for all.

Standard