Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital

Will Our Marriage Mature Us?

images-7Living with another human being feels almost impossible at times.   We can continually deal with questions like: Will she ever change? Can he ever see beyond himself? When will my needs be met? Since when is our credit card bill more important than me? But here’s part of the deal… Marriage points out our selfishness rather clearly. Marriage kicks individuality in the butt. Marriage holds us accountable. Marriage exposes our commitment to God and our faith. And marriage has a way of exposing our immaturities.

All of the above can be seen as a huge negative or a huge opportunity for change. Once we realize the truth about this partnership called marriage, we have two choices. We can either dismiss what is being exposed within us or we can embrace it and begin to put into place mechanisms for change. For some, “dismissing” is going to the extreme of ending the marriage and looking for another partner only to eventually be confronted with the very same self-conflicting issues.  But for others, marriage provides an opportunity for God-stretching truth that exposes what’s on the inside of us.  It’s that “inside” part that scares us sometimes and we’d rather keep it hidden. We can accomplish that during engagement perhaps, but not when we spend over fourteen hours a day together.images-12

I suppose it’s that “real us” we’re afraid of letting out. However, God already knows about that real us intimately and most likely so does our spouse. So, go ahead, be real while listening for that voice of change causing you to become a more mature life partner.

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Encouragement, In the news, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Prayer

Going to the Polls and Electing a New President

imagesIt has been on my heart to address something going on particularly in America right now, but I also know there are some similarities around the world when it comes to elections.

We are in the middle of a political year here in America and the world is watching.  Recently while in another country, I heard a businessperson say publicly, “God help us all if Donald Trump becomes the next US president.”  I understand the comment, but I am challenged by the attitude and the attitude of so many (including myself at times).  I receive a lot of Facebook posts from leaders and at times I am horrified by some of them.  I am not angry at what I see and read as much as I am grieved.  I feel that we as Christians are simply adding to the problem of creating a greater level of disunity and anxiety among our family and the world around us.  While we desire to spread truth, we must be careful that we are not at the same time wounding others in the process and spreading fear.

A statement that I recently read in Shawn Bolz’s new book, Translating God, challenged me.  This one statement jumped out at me in light of how I perceive some (including myself) dealing with the political differences and climate around us.  Shawn wrote, “We will have no authority over that which we do not love.”  In other words, if I had the opportunity to speak to our president would I speak what I have posted in FB or forwarded in a negative email?  If I had opportunity to share with him would he know my love for him, my prayers for him or just my oppositions?  If we do not love, we will certainly miss out on possible assignments from our Father.

I long for authority in the Spirit to pray for our leaders, but at the same time struggle with their agenda and their damaging decisions.  I can’t reconcile a Christian voting for an extremely pro-abortion candidate, but I know they do.  I may never understand it, but can I walk in unity with that person?  Let me share a few verses that I would like you to read and consider sharing with others as the Lord leads you in light of this subject.

(See:  I Corinthians 1:10; Philippians 2:1-4; Ephesians 4:1-4; Colossians 3:12-14; Romans 15:5-7; and John 17:21-23.)images-7

Then in John 18:36 Jesus said, “My kingdom is not of this world…”  Our kingdom is NOT of this world.  We walk in this world of politics, dissension, disagreement and disunity, but we are to be unified as believers because our kingdom is not of this world!  Yes, we need to vote, discern, discuss and be clear from the pulpit on godly values when it comes to voting, but at the end of the day we are not to lose our unity with one another in building the kingdom of God, especially as we may vote differently.

I continually think of Daniel in light of this topic.  A godly leader who stood to pray for, work with and eat with a very ungodly, secular government and system.  While he did not compromise, his love must have continually come through. Daniel, “…resolved not to defile himself.”  He received knowledge and understanding through the literature of the culture he was thrust into.  He continually spoke with, “…wisdom and tact.”  As God’s politician they could not find any corruption in him.  The reason for his favor?  Daniel 6: 23 says that he trusted in his God. There was no vote. Daniel was not voted into office, God placed him there.

We share from the pulpit on godly values when it comes to voting, but at the end of the day we are not to lose our unity with one another in building the kingdom of God.  Recently I heard someone say, “Don’t be deceived to believe that man’s view is always God’s view or that man’s thoughts are God’s thoughts.”

Do you remember the argument in Romans 14 over food, what was clean and what was unclean and then who was weak and who was strong?  The whole chapter was about how to treat the weaker in the faith and in the end the writer inspired by God says, “So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God.”  That’s something to think these days…

Jesus and the disciples faced this very thing on a daily basis and then gave their lives, not in opposition of their government but in standing for a kingdom that was not of this world system.  Yes, I realize that some wanted Jesus to set up His kingdom on earth at that time, but that was never God’s goal for His Son. Rather, it was to reach the cross and bring to us the ultimate form of freedom.

Paul stood before the government leaders of his day and it was his own Jewish people who insisted on that same government ending Paul’s life.

The message of the kingdom of God is not full of political judgement, issues and division, it’s a message of the heart for the heart.  God’s kingdom is a reconciling kingdom.  It’s a message of the unifying love of Christ.

So, let’s pray for our next president as believers united in Christ so that we can work together to see His kingdom come with a sense of unity. Let us unite in the need of a leader who stands from a position of integrity, high moral character, experience, truth and one who loves this nation and desires to see it prosper in order to serve other nations. However, let us also realize no politician can save us, only one Name can do that.images-6

And please be reminded of whose side you are on and it’s not liberal or conservative. I have literally been trying to remind myself through these thoughts, “Jesus loves you, this I know even if I disagree with everything you stand for…Jesus loves you and I need to love you as well.”  Help us, Father, to love so that we might be known by our love.  And as we stand for our beliefs, values and convictions may we work toward unity of the Spirit of Christ.

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Issues of the Day, Marriage, Prayer, Premarital

Money, Values and Major Marriage Differences

images-6Mary was a “spender” and I was a “tight wad.” At least those were our thoughts and to be honest, sometimes our spoken words. If Mary had cash, there was something to purchase. If there was money left over at the end of the month, I thought it was there for only one reason, to save. This is how we operated for years into marriage until one day we discovered a morsel of revelation.

What if we could combine these two areas and have them actually become our strength in marriage rather than a point of contention? Mary is simply great at finding deals and I love to make sure we can save for future purchases of assets. It could be a win/win if we could just get it worked out. Not everything we need to purchase is an asset and Mary loved that form of shopping, e.g., kids cloths, groceries, gifts and home furnishings. I loved to pay extra on our home mortgage and save cash to purchase out next car rather than securing a loan.images-8

Here is the revelation that we discovered and it may serve you also. Mary was more of a “giver” than simply a spender. She seemed to always see the needs of others and wanted to invest a gift or help with a need. On the other hand, I was not being a tight wad as much as I was attempting to “invest” in our future. It wasn’t saving for savings sake, but rather growing our financial wealth. We needed both of these areas united and rather than fighting and arguing we would pray and agree for the purchase of both necessary liabilities and assets.

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Encouragement, Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital

Money Was Our Number One Struggle

images-5Early on in our marriage our biggest struggle was about money. Since that time, we have learned this topic is a struggle for most couples. Not to assume that it is only a struggle when there are insufficient funds, but, as we discovered, when there are sufficient funds as well. We went on to ascertain that the differences had to do with two areas. Those two areas were financial values and trust. In other words, we did not have the same beliefs when it came to spending and saving and those differences led to not fully trusting each other. This blog entry is dedicated more to finding those roots versus practical budgeting tips. So, here are some root issues to consider when it comes to financial values and trust:

 

  1. Do not avoid the money discussion, it will only grow worse. Admit your different views and find the positive in each one.
  2. Realize that each of you has an important piece to the puzzle. One of you can see what the other does not and together you will have a more complete picture.
  3. Find where you agree and start there. While Mary and I did not agree on the grocery budget, we did agree that we needed groceries.
  4. Admit your mistakes in handling money. If you were wrong and purchased a non-budgeted item, admit it and make it right. This will help to rebuild trust.images-3
  5. Get a hold of the big picture first. Where do you desire to go with your financial resources? This will help you find agreement and unity in vision.
  6. Find ways to honor one another in the process. If one of you is better with budgeting and finance, then honor that person by giving them the greater financial responsibility.
  7. Pray together over your finances and listen for God’s direction for your specific needs.
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Marriage, Postmarital

Ten Reasons Why I Love Marriage

images-15I love marriage, being married – my marriage. It is unthinkable to be writing that Mary and I are soon married for 41 years and more in love. It is amazing to be at this place, such a good place. I love “old love.” We’re not as fast as we used to be and neither are we as pain-free, but seriously, love that grows old with someone…there’s nothing like it. At this end of the spectrum, I have something to share about marriage and here are a few of those things:

  1. I love that marriage provides a best friend and companion.
  2. I love coming home, after a work trip, to my wife and our familiar surroundings.
  3. I love that marriage forces me to look out for another before myself and teaches me to serve.
  4. I love how marriage deals with my own personal selfishness.
  5. I love how marriage is helping to conform me into a better, more godly person.
  6. I love the agreement that we now find in almost everything.
  7. I love our differences because they complete me.
  8. I love mature love because it stretches me to go deeper with the one God gave to me.
  9. I love that we have faced numerous challenges and become closer through them, especially by praying together.
  10. I love being married to someone who daily chooses us. images-14

I love you, Mary, happy Valentine’s Day!

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Encouragement, Leadership

Ten Things I Learned from a Narcissistic Coworker

imagesA number of decades ago in my more youthful leadership years, I had a young coworker who excelled at being a thorn in the flesh. He was in the wrong employment at the time, because in actuality the only probable employment for him was to work under no one, but himself. He simply could not be lead and neither did he have any grace for being part of a team. His team was made up of one: himself. While he didn’t realize it, he was a teacher, a great one. He taught me so much about what not to do, how not to act and who not to be. It was painful trying to work with him, but to this day I know I walk in lessons learned from this man.

Stories I could tell are too excruciating to relate, but what I do desire to recount is what I learned in working with him.

  1. I learned to become more dependent upon the grace of God to not continually react in the flesh.
  2. I learned that my will did not need to be as strong as his.
  3. I learned that dying to myself was a good thing…no, a God thing
  4. I learned to not take offense from his frequent accusations.
  5. I learned that pent up anger will eventually explode.
  6. I learned that to hurt in kind and in return only reduced me to his level.images-10
  7. I learned that it’s easy to talk about forgiveness and much harder to forgive all too frequent damages.
  8. I learned that revenge and obsessing about revenge destroys my mind, affects my spirit and creates a living torment.
  9. I learned that to be falsely accused, rejected and repeatedly wounded was to identify with Christ in greater measure.
  10. I learned that God’s love transcends narcissism and every wound it dishes out so that God’s love can change my coworker and me. And the more I learned about the love of God, the more my heart was enlarged to love.
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Children, Issues of the Day, Parents

Loving My Foster Son, A Homosexual Struggler

images-2For eight years, Mary and I were foster parents of adjudicated teenage boys. Over that eight-year period we fostered 25 different youth. We loved those kids and longed to instill the love of our heavenly Father within them. No state program compared to godly, affirming and accepting foster parents who loved unconditionally. Daniel was with us for over two years, went to Bible College for four years and continued to be in relationship with us until one dreadful day. This is what I learned from loving Dan.

  1. His stepfather’s abuse was not fair and totally undeserved.
  2. His pain was real and by listening I validated his history.
  3. He longed for nonsexual affection from a father figure.
  4. He needed to be affirmed and called into his manhood by a man.
  5. He needed to know God’s endless, redemptive and perfect love for him.
  6. He needed to hear the truth of God’s word about sexual relationships.images-7
  7. He needed to know he belonged to a family who accepted him.
  8. He needed to hear words of hope for change.
  9. He needed to know God’s forgiveness, as well as, mine.
  10. He needed protection from a father, even if that father was a stand-in.

images-8Father’s can’t meet all of their children’s needs. After a failed marriage and many failed same-sex relationships, we received a call that Daniel ended his, all-to-young, 45-year-old life. I wish it could be different, but I am so grateful for what he taught me about life, pain and love without conditions. I know his struggle was real and I just hope he felt real love and acceptance from a temporary foster Dad.

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Encouragement

An Unexpected Visitor Loses His Life

imagesI was sitting at my desk in the office of our home working on my computer when I felt some tingling on the skin of my right leg. A few seconds later the “tingling” became more pronounced and moved to the side of my right calf. Not thinking much of it, I reached down to scratch that area of my leg. Just then I realized there was something there, something foreign, something warm, something alive. I grabbed the outside of my jeans while at the same time grabbing what was clinging to my leg. It squirmed. It was soft. I squeezed tighter. It squirmed some more in an impossible effort to get away. I squeezed even ti-i-i-ighter. It gave up and became still. I then stood, stomped my right leg on the floor and “it” dropped to the carpet, laying there lifeless.images-2

We had known there was a mouse in the house. He continually left evidence of his existence. Up to this point he had wisely avoided traps, but this time he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I know some of you are saying to yourself, “That’s just gross.” True as that thought may be, I was happy to finally put an end to his antics of nibbling on bags of snack foods. Here’s the point. Have we ever found ourselves in the wrong place at the wrong time? I have and normally my gut lets me know something is not right. If we continue in that place of compromise, we just might experience the hand of God redirecting us because He wants to provide a way of escape. Remember, with each and every compromise, we give the enemy of our souls an opportunity to squeeze more spirit life out of us.

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In the news, Issues of the Day, Premarital, Singles

Ten Great Reasons to Wait Until Marriage for Sexual Intimacy

images-10There is this break up of a certain celebrity couple that has recently made the news. It seems that it was over his refusal to have sexual intimacy with her. This is newsworthy today because the media is pointing out his “dysfunction” and not hers. Interesting. Just what will waiting to have sex do for you as a single? Here are a few benefits:images-9

 

  1. You will be obeying God and His word and will have His blessing.
  2. You will build a much deeper level of trust with one another.
  3. You will affirm the worth of one another.
  4. You are actually caring more about this person than your own desires and needs.
  5. You will be an example to your peers and one day to your children.
  6. You will be protected from sexual shame and rejection (not to mention sexually transmitted diseases).
  7. You will totally avoid an unplanned pregnancy.
  8. You will not be confused in your emotions as love and respect grows without guilt in waiting.
  9. You will build character, patience and self-control.
  10. You will have a greater level of trust (sexual and beyond) for each other once you are married.images-11
(Called Together, 2009, Steve and Mary Prokopchak, Destiny Image Publishers)
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In the news, Issues of the Day

When a Politician Cries

images-3Mid speech the politician talking sheds a tear while the camera zooms in for a closer look on this tender moment. The crowd in the room and the viewer around the world quiets themselves and pauses to observe this deeply felt emotional discourse. Surely tears mean “truth-filled” words are coming from his or her lips and they overwhelm this elected government official. The need or desire must be so great that from deep within their spirit is a groaning to be heard and understood. But is it real or is it an act? I suppose that only the politician and God really know the answer to that question. But, the following are a few ills of this world that I pray politicians will one day weep about in order to provoke change:

 

  • The thousands of babies who are dismembered, murdered, slaughtered every single day.
  • Those homeless persons and families who went to sleep last night hungry and with no hope for change today or tomorrow.
  • Those who have simply given up on ever finding sufficient employment.
  • The impoverished, abused or abandoned child who cries himself to sleep on the floor every night.
  • The children who will never experience the love, affirmation and approval of a loving and godly mother and  father to raise them.
  • The elderly who are unable to retire from working because they simply cannot afford to.
  • Those who are victims of human trafficking.
  • Christians who are persecuted for their faith, imprisoned, tortured or beheaded.
  • Decimated, severed and fractured families from divorce costing our culture insurmountable losses and pain. images-7

images-5Jesus loves these persons. He weeps over the sinful choices of mankind. He gave His life a ransom to redeem every one of these life circumstances and He empowers us to not just weep with Him, but to pray and to ask Him what part we play in changing these real life conditions.  Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end.  (Isaiah 9:6,7)

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