Marriage, Postmarital

Ten Reasons Why I Love Marriage

images-15I love marriage, being married – my marriage. It is unthinkable to be writing that Mary and I are soon married for 41 years and more in love. It is amazing to be at this place, such a good place. I love “old love.” We’re not as fast as we used to be and neither are we as pain-free, but seriously, love that grows old with someone…there’s nothing like it. At this end of the spectrum, I have something to share about marriage and here are a few of those things:

  1. I love that marriage provides a best friend and companion.
  2. I love coming home, after a work trip, to my wife and our familiar surroundings.
  3. I love that marriage forces me to look out for another before myself and teaches me to serve.
  4. I love how marriage deals with my own personal selfishness.
  5. I love how marriage is helping to conform me into a better, more godly person.
  6. I love the agreement that we now find in almost everything.
  7. I love our differences because they complete me.
  8. I love mature love because it stretches me to go deeper with the one God gave to me.
  9. I love that we have faced numerous challenges and become closer through them, especially by praying together.
  10. I love being married to someone who daily chooses us. images-14

I love you, Mary, happy Valentine’s Day!

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Encouragement, Leadership

Ten Things I Learned from a Narcissistic Coworker

imagesA number of decades ago in my more youthful leadership years, I had a young coworker who excelled at being a thorn in the flesh. He was in the wrong employment at the time, because in actuality the only probable employment for him was to work under no one, but himself. He simply could not be lead and neither did he have any grace for being part of a team. His team was made up of one: himself. While he didn’t realize it, he was a teacher, a great one. He taught me so much about what not to do, how not to act and who not to be. It was painful trying to work with him, but to this day I know I walk in lessons learned from this man.

Stories I could tell are too excruciating to relate, but what I do desire to recount is what I learned in working with him.

  1. I learned to become more dependent upon the grace of God to not continually react in the flesh.
  2. I learned that my will did not need to be as strong as his.
  3. I learned that dying to myself was a good thing…no, a God thing
  4. I learned to not take offense from his frequent accusations.
  5. I learned that pent up anger will eventually explode.
  6. I learned that to hurt in kind and in return only reduced me to his level.images-10
  7. I learned that it’s easy to talk about forgiveness and much harder to forgive all too frequent damages.
  8. I learned that revenge and obsessing about revenge destroys my mind, affects my spirit and creates a living torment.
  9. I learned that to be falsely accused, rejected and repeatedly wounded was to identify with Christ in greater measure.
  10. I learned that God’s love transcends narcissism and every wound it dishes out so that God’s love can change my coworker and me. And the more I learned about the love of God, the more my heart was enlarged to love.
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Children, Issues of the Day, Parents

Loving My Foster Son, A Homosexual Struggler

images-2For eight years, Mary and I were foster parents of adjudicated teenage boys. Over that eight-year period we fostered 25 different youth. We loved those kids and longed to instill the love of our heavenly Father within them. No state program compared to godly, affirming and accepting foster parents who loved unconditionally. Daniel was with us for over two years, went to Bible College for four years and continued to be in relationship with us until one dreadful day. This is what I learned from loving Dan.

  1. His stepfather’s abuse was not fair and totally undeserved.
  2. His pain was real and by listening I validated his history.
  3. He longed for nonsexual affection from a father figure.
  4. He needed to be affirmed and called into his manhood by a man.
  5. He needed to know God’s endless, redemptive and perfect love for him.
  6. He needed to hear the truth of God’s word about sexual relationships.images-7
  7. He needed to know he belonged to a family who accepted him.
  8. He needed to hear words of hope for change.
  9. He needed to know God’s forgiveness, as well as, mine.
  10. He needed protection from a father, even if that father was a stand-in.

images-8Father’s can’t meet all of their children’s needs. After a failed marriage and many failed same-sex relationships, we received a call that Daniel ended his, all-to-young, 45-year-old life. I wish it could be different, but I am so grateful for what he taught me about life, pain and love without conditions. I know his struggle was real and I just hope he felt real love and acceptance from a temporary foster Dad.

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Encouragement

An Unexpected Visitor Loses His Life

imagesI was sitting at my desk in the office of our home working on my computer when I felt some tingling on the skin of my right leg. A few seconds later the “tingling” became more pronounced and moved to the side of my right calf. Not thinking much of it, I reached down to scratch that area of my leg. Just then I realized there was something there, something foreign, something warm, something alive. I grabbed the outside of my jeans while at the same time grabbing what was clinging to my leg. It squirmed. It was soft. I squeezed tighter. It squirmed some more in an impossible effort to get away. I squeezed even ti-i-i-ighter. It gave up and became still. I then stood, stomped my right leg on the floor and “it” dropped to the carpet, laying there lifeless.images-2

We had known there was a mouse in the house. He continually left evidence of his existence. Up to this point he had wisely avoided traps, but this time he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I know some of you are saying to yourself, “That’s just gross.” True as that thought may be, I was happy to finally put an end to his antics of nibbling on bags of snack foods. Here’s the point. Have we ever found ourselves in the wrong place at the wrong time? I have and normally my gut lets me know something is not right. If we continue in that place of compromise, we just might experience the hand of God redirecting us because He wants to provide a way of escape. Remember, with each and every compromise, we give the enemy of our souls an opportunity to squeeze more spirit life out of us.

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In the news, Issues of the Day, Premarital, Singles

Ten Great Reasons to Wait Until Marriage for Sexual Intimacy

images-10There is this break up of a certain celebrity couple that has recently made the news. It seems that it was over his refusal to have sexual intimacy with her. This is newsworthy today because the media is pointing out his “dysfunction” and not hers. Interesting. Just what will waiting to have sex do for you as a single? Here are a few benefits:images-9

 

  1. You will be obeying God and His word and will have His blessing.
  2. You will build a much deeper level of trust with one another.
  3. You will affirm the worth of one another.
  4. You are actually caring more about this person than your own desires and needs.
  5. You will be an example to your peers and one day to your children.
  6. You will be protected from sexual shame and rejection (not to mention sexually transmitted diseases).
  7. You will totally avoid an unplanned pregnancy.
  8. You will not be confused in your emotions as love and respect grows without guilt in waiting.
  9. You will build character, patience and self-control.
  10. You will have a greater level of trust (sexual and beyond) for each other once you are married.images-11
(Called Together, 2009, Steve and Mary Prokopchak, Destiny Image Publishers)
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In the news, Issues of the Day

When a Politician Cries

images-3Mid speech the politician talking sheds a tear while the camera zooms in for a closer look on this tender moment. The crowd in the room and the viewer around the world quiets themselves and pauses to observe this deeply felt emotional discourse. Surely tears mean “truth-filled” words are coming from his or her lips and they overwhelm this elected government official. The need or desire must be so great that from deep within their spirit is a groaning to be heard and understood. But is it real or is it an act? I suppose that only the politician and God really know the answer to that question. But, the following are a few ills of this world that I pray politicians will one day weep about in order to provoke change:

 

  • The thousands of babies who are dismembered, murdered, slaughtered every single day.
  • Those homeless persons and families who went to sleep last night hungry and with no hope for change today or tomorrow.
  • Those who have simply given up on ever finding sufficient employment.
  • The impoverished, abused or abandoned child who cries himself to sleep on the floor every night.
  • The children who will never experience the love, affirmation and approval of a loving and godly mother and  father to raise them.
  • The elderly who are unable to retire from working because they simply cannot afford to.
  • Those who are victims of human trafficking.
  • Christians who are persecuted for their faith, imprisoned, tortured or beheaded.
  • Decimated, severed and fractured families from divorce costing our culture insurmountable losses and pain. images-7

images-5Jesus loves these persons. He weeps over the sinful choices of mankind. He gave His life a ransom to redeem every one of these life circumstances and He empowers us to not just weep with Him, but to pray and to ask Him what part we play in changing these real life conditions.  Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end.  (Isaiah 9:6,7)

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Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Prayer

Neglecting the Things that Matter

images-2What might happen if you neglect the important things in life? What if you neglected the maintenance on your car? It just might leave you sitting somewhere unplanned. What if you neglected your health? Eventually, your body begins to break down if the mistreatment is severe enough. Or, what happens if you move into your new home and never repair or update a thing? The neglect will eventually cost you in the devaluation of your property or even costlier repairs. If you neglect your job, you will literally be working toward termination. Neglect your family and relationship issues will grow.images-3

Why then do we feel it’s sometimes ok to neglect our spiritual lives? Could a very similar breakdown occur? When we neglect reading the Bible, our prayer life, sharing the love of God with others, giving of our resources and finances, fellowship with other believers or the spiritual gifts the Holy Spirit has deposited within each of us, eventually that disregard or inattention can create a permanent or severe atrophy spiritually. No wonder Jesus warned the Pharisees and us that giving a tenth was good but not to “neglect” the love of God and justice. The Psalmist declared, “I will not neglect your word” and Paul told Timothy to not neglect the gifts given to him. Neglect can be a spiritual disease that each of us battle.

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Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Leadership, Marriage

Life and Suffering

imagesAre you experiencing a struggle in your life or your marriage? If your answer to that question is “yes,” then my response is, good. Someone once said that, “Beauty is birthed in struggle.” Most of us have a natural tendency to avoid struggles in life. We dream of the life of ease, but is that life a reality and would we experience personal growth in that environment? Author Gary Thomas wrote, “Few people leave a marriage because it’s too easy.” To never encounter personal struggle and to only have ease and comfort would be to remain immature and walk through life with a lack of depth and character.

Do you desire your marriage, your life for that matter, to be seasoned and to experience growth and maturity? Suffering can be profitable and work toward this end as long as you find the purpose, walk through the process and personally grow because of it. If you think back through your life you will realize that it was the difficult times in which you grew (spiritually and emotionally) the most. imagesJesus suffered, as did many men and women of history. It was/is our Lord’s belief that something would be built in us as we would realize…For our present troubles are quite small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! (II Corinthians 4:17)

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Encouragement, Issues of the Day

4 Steps to Accountability

images-3Accountability is not a popular topic these days. We love our freedom and our independence to decide for ourselves without the restriction of someone “looking over our shoulder.” We can find it intrusive and cast it off as, “my business is my business.” The problem with that line of thinking is it’s truly un-biblical.   Could you imagine Jesus saying, “Listen to my teaching and watch me heal the sick, but realize that my personal life is none of your business?” Or, how about if Paul the Apostle shared with the church in Corinth, “I am going to call out your sin, but you dare not call out mine?” We simply do not live as unto ourselves.

Accountability is when you or I walk in a certain conviction, but realize we need help from others. We are encouraged to go to our overseer, leader or friend and humbly describe to them what it is we need accountability in. Here are four steps to help make accountability a lifestyle.images-2

1. We approach someone and make an inquiry to see if they are up to the task of asking us a few difficult questions. You’ll need to be explicit in what it is you desire to be held accountable in.

2. Then give the person(s) some actual questions they can ask and how often you desire them to be asked.  How severe the issue you are dealing with determines how often you meet and are being held accountable.

3. Further, ask them to call you randomly, outside actual face-to-face meetings (text and email are good too, but calls are best).  This provides an element of surprise.

4. As well, be sure to let them know to change it up.  In other words, give them permission and encouragement to ask you about other areas of your life.

We will be held accountable to God (Romans 14:12), but opening up our lives and having help while still on earth can cause tremendous growth in our lives. Who are you accountable to?images

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Issues of the Day, Marriage

What if Divorce Included This?

images-19Author Gary Thomas once proposed this scenario, “You may opt for a divorce, but you cannot ever engage in sex again with anyone else for the rest of your life.” The obvious question that would follow would be just how many couples would actually divorce? Perhaps some women, but I am guessing very few men. I remember studying divorce and remarriage from every angle for our book, Called Together. We wanted to write what was biblically correct, while at the same time not provoke any unnecessary pain in those who have been through such devastation.

What I discovered was interesting; coming to the conclusion that while not every divorce was sinful, each one was the result of sin. And I also discovered that there was a certain divorce labeled as nonbiblical in which the two parties were to remain nonsexual by now remaining unmarried for the rest of their lives. (see I Corinthians 7:10-11) Jesus’ personal stand on divorce can be found in Mark 10: 1-12. I’ll let you read it and come to your own conclusions.   God’s first desire is always reconciliation, but within those verses found in the book of Mark, Jesus did tell us that divorce was not from the beginning.images-16

For those of you that have been through this heart wrenching experience, grace to you. For those of you contemplating divorce, please reconsider and ask God for a path to reconciliation if at all possible.

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