Author Archives: calledtogether

Leadership, Small Groups, Training

Have I Been in the Habit of Doing this to You?

Balaam was an interesting Old Testament character and even more interesting was his donkey.  Balaam heard from God, but he didn’t always see God when He showed up.  Balaam was on his way to see the princes of Moab recorded in Numbers 22.  He would saddle his long-time transportation for the trip, his donkey.  While on the road the donkey sees an angel blocking their way, not once but three times.  Three times Balaam becomes angry at his donkey for trying to avoid something he could not see and three times he beats his faithful beast.  Balaam becomes so angry he tells the donkey that if he had a sword he would have killed her immediately.

Then the donkey does something donkeys are not accustomed to doing, she speaks to her master, “Have I been in the habit of doing this to you?”  Paraphrased she was saying, “Look you moron human, as long as you have owned me, have I ever acted this way before?”  In other words, there is something else going on here and you’re not seeing it.  She was acting out of character and Balaam was not getting the message.  When I read this the other day I had to think about the fact that so often we (I) react to what we think we see, when we are not really “seeing” at all.  God is trying to get our attention and we want to thrust a sword into the roadblock when the roadblock actually has a divine purpose.  If something is out of the norm for you today or this week, could it be a divine roadblock?  Stop and ask the Father if there is a message in this abnormality for you.

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Leadership, Small Groups

Floods

I was planning on following up on what I wrote about last week, “distance.”  I am going to suspend that for a week and share something that I feel God gave me as we have been experiencing major flooding in our region of Pennsylvania. 

A tropical storm called, Lee, brought us generous portions of water in a very short period time, 15.5 inches in my hometown area.   I have never seen anything like it.  Since the ground was previously saturated through earlier storms, the water just collected in every low-lying area until it began to flow and flow it did.  We lost hundreds of bridges and roads.  Basements were overwhelmed with water flowing in them while sump pumps simply could not keep up.  But, God is faithful and He gave me something from His word Thursday morning the 8th of September.  John 7:38 states, “Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within Him.” 

He gave me this amazing picture of being saturated in Him, so full that my spirit (my container) would overflow onto everyone else that I would touch.  Streams of living water, not destructive water, would flow to bring life, healing, a word of encouragement and love.  As His stream flows into me, I cannot contain it all for myself.  

You and I are to be saturated with Him so that His Spirit spills over and blesses others.  Let it flow Lord Jesus!

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Leadership, Prayer, Small Groups, Training

Distance

But all those who knew him, including the women who had followed him from Galilee, stood at a distance, watching these things.  (Luke 23:49)

If we know Him, could we be standing at a distance?  If we’ve accepted Jesus as our personal Savior, God’s amazing love will allow us to totally walk away from Him, stand at a distance and look from afar or be right up front waiting on His next command.

How would you know if you’re at a distance?  The following are ten areas to consider with appropriate scriptures following.  We will look at ten more areas next week.  Prayerfully look over the areas and scriptures listed, perhaps in your devotional time.

You are standing at a distance if:

  1. You’re not reading the Bible daily or at least committed to do so.  (Proverbs 4: 20-22; Romans 10:17; II Timothy 2:15; 3:16,17; Hebrews 2:1; 4:12)
  2. Your prayer life consists of praying on the run or when someone else is praying around you.  (Mark 1:35; Luke 18:1; Romans 8:26,27; Colossians 4:2)
  3. You are not committed to the vision of and to relationships within a local church.  (I Corinthians 14:26; Hebrews 10:25; I John 1:7)
  4. You rarely tell anyone your testimony or share about Jesus and His love, hope and salvation.  ( Romans 10: 14,15; Colossians 3:17; II Timothy 1:7,8; 4:5;  James 5:19,20)
  5. Your friends and family are more important than Jesus is.  (Mark 3:31-35; 10:29,30; 12;30,31)
  6. You’re more concerned about what those around you think of you than you are about what Jesus thinks or says about you.  (Proverbs 29:25; Matthew 23:5-7,12; Luke 9:26; I Corinthians 1:26-31; II Corinthians 5:21; Galatians 1:10; 2:20; 4:19; Colossians 1:28; I Thessalonians 2:4-6; I Peter 2:9,10)
  7. Obeying Him has become less and less of a priority and His words have become “hard” to hear as you live your daily life.  (Proverbs 14:12; John 6: 60,66-71; 14:15,21; I Peter 2:11,12; I John 2:3-6)
  8. Your view of God has evolved to His living at a distance, and that being the case, unable to be reached consistently.  (II Timothy 1:14; Hebrews 3:6; 11:6)
  9. You’re not reading or listening to something that challenges your spiritual growth on any kind of consistent basis.  (Proverbs 3:1,2; Isaiah 26:3; I Corinthians 2:16; Colossians 3:2)
  10. “Rational thinking” from the wisdom of this world has taken precedence over the truths of God’s word.  (Proverbs 1:7; 9:10; 21:30; Mark 7:8; Romans 8:5-9; I Corinthians 1:18-21; Colossians 2:8; I Timothy 6:20,21; II Timothy 3:1-5; II Peter 1:3,4)
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Leadership, Marriage, Prayer, Small Groups, Training

“God Told Me…”

“But I know I heard God on this.”  “The Holy Spirit revealed to me…”  “God spoke to me.”  You and I have heard those words many times and perhaps said them ourselves.  But what happens when the person saying them is going directly against the word of God or you know their “hearing” is based more upon emotional desire than true insight from God?  Stay with me here.  I am not saying God does not speak today because I know He does.  It is just that we find difficulty in refuting the phrases listed above.  I mean, how do you come against or in direct conflict with the words, “I know I heard God on this?”  It would seem impossible, but then the person could be left with some disastrous outcomes.

Let me give you a few pointers to offer such persons speaking so matter of fact.  First, have they ever been wrong?  I mean, have they ever missed God or have they been 100% correct all the time in hearing from God?  Second, what are their overseers saying on the subject?  Have they found any wisdom in a multitude of counselors?  Are these counselors cautioning them and are they listening to those cautions?  And third, could God change it up even if they did hear Him correctly and they are in the midst of obeying that voice?  Abraham is an example of what I am referring to.  In Genesis 22, Abraham heard the voice of God instruct him to take his son, Isaac, up the mountain to sacrifice him.  Abraham gathers his supplies the next morning along with his son and set out to the place God told him to go.  He bound his son, took out his knife, raised his arms and all of a sudden heard a voice from heaven saying, “Abraham, Abraham…do not lay a hand on the boy.”  What if Abraham insisted on following God’s voice from the first command and resisted the second voice?

Don’t get stuck, cornered, or manipulated by others even when they are confident in their hearing.  We can bring an appropriate challenge to those who use these phrases.  In the end, they are responsible to properly discern in their hearing, but we do not have to always agree.  When we use these phrases, let’s be sure it is God and continue listening because He may change it up.

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Leadership, Small Groups, Training

If You Have Time…

 How many times have we been asked the question, “What time is it?”  How many times in the course of the day do you look at your watch, wall clock or cell phone to see what time it is?   We live by time; we work by time; we set meetings by time; we measure life by time.  We go to bed and wake up to a new day by the passing of time.  Every year we celebrate another birthday because twelve months of time have escaped us.  “Where did the time go?” we often hear.  “It’s about time,” is another often repeated expression.  Time is on our mind constantly when we find ourselves thinking, “I just don’t have enough time” or “I’m running out of time.”

 Our life on earth is governed by time, but eternity is not. We as human beings are governed by time, but God is not.  Actually, God and eternity may be partially defined by the lack of time consciousness.  Once in heaven for all eternity, who would possibly care about time?  Galatians 4:4 says that when the time had come God sent His Son.  God came from no time to experience time, to be limited to 33 years of time and then experience death.  God for the first time experienced getting older with the passing of time.  And then Matthew 24:36 says there is a time coming when Jesus will return.  We look forward to His coming, this God appointed time.

 What I find mind boggling is that God, our Father, has a plan in time for everyone of us…amazing.  This is our time and our season and what an exciting time it is.  We have been born for such a time as this.  It is our time to start a family, plant a church, work with  missions, start a business or lead a small group.  This moment you are experiencing right now reading this blog will never occur again.  It will be forever gone in time past.  You will never get this moment back.  Are you sure you want to use your valuable time reading this diatribe?  :)

 Did you ever do the right thing at the wrong time?  Or, the wrong thing at the right time?  Both can be disastrous.  God rules all time and has chosen to enter into time to work with you and me so that we can do the right thing at the right time.  A friend of mine often says that time is our friend.  That said, we do need to be conscious of the hour.  And do this, understanding the present time.  The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed.  The night is nearly over, the day is almost here.”  (Romans 13: 11,12)   Time has past and our salvation is “nearer now than when we first believed.”  Let’s not stop being time conscious, but at the same time, let’s not allow time to rule us.  Let’s allow the Holy Spirit to be our time-keeper.

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Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles

Finding a Life Mate: The Character Traits Worth Looking For #21

This is the twenty-first and the final in a series of what traits to look for in a life mate.  It is a list of questions that I have compiled over time from those who were involved in healthy and unhealthy relationships.  Be totally honest with yourself and record your answers.

21. Do I love and respect myself enough to say “yes” to healthy relationships and “no” to unhealthy relationships?  The following are a few questions to ask yourself:

Do I keep finding similar unhealthy patterns in my dating relationships?

Do I try to “fix” those I date?

Do I cling on to those who I date, causing them to feel smothered?

Do I feel valued for who I am within my opposite sex relationships?

What makes this a safe or unsafe relationship?

How is conflict resolved within this relationship?

Do I feel this person really listens to me with respect?

Is there any power struggle within this relationship?

Who is the leader?

Am I 100% honest with this person, why or why not?

Do I feel like a better, more valuable person around this relationship?

Is my unique and individual identity in tact when I am with this person or do I feel that I need to be someone else?

Do I feel pressure to do or say things I am not comfortable with?

Is sexual activity a part of this relationship or do I feel pushed in that direction?

Am I being asked to quit something I enjoy or pull away from any of my same-sex friends?

Am I growing and being challenged in a positive way through this relationship?

Do I feel accepted unconditionally?

Do I have the freedom to think and feel differently than the one I am dating?

Do I feel any form of manipulation in this relationship and if so, why?

Is my spiritual walk encouraged and enhanced by this person?

Do I like who I am when I spend time with this person?

How is this relationship encouraging me to fulfill my dreams and reach my goals?

 

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Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles

Finding a Life Mate: The Character Traits Worth Looking For #20

This is the twentieth in a series of what traits to look for in a life mate.  While the following sets a high standard, one that perhaps few will initially reach, each area identified is an important character trait to look for and inquire about as you consider a lifelong marriage partner.

20. Can this person forgive and release?  Does this person get offended quickly?  Does he/she hold grudges?  Does conflict help him/her to grow and become better or bitter?  Does he/she avoid others, grow quiet or become angry when those relationships present challenges or confrontation?  (Colossians 3:13; Ephesians 4:32)

Do you know the six most challenging, most difficult words to say in a committed relationship like engagement and marriage?  Those six words are, “I am sorry, I was wrong.”  Ask any of your friends that are married how easy those words come.  Ask long-term married persons if they are over their pride so that those six words roll off of their tongue quite easily.  Why are they so tough to speak when we can apologize so quickly to the stranger on the street?  Why are we so full of pride when it comes to admitting that we could be wrong around those we love the most?  That’s just it…those we love the most.  We have the most invested in those relationships.  We just don’t want to disappoint those persons who are closest to us, who really know who we are.  We don’t want to be wrong around them because we don’t want to fail them.  We make it a “right” and a “wrong” issue when it is really an issue of being able to humble ourselves and admit that we do not know it all, we are not always right and we do not always have the best of intentions.  Sometimes we are purely selfish and that is hard to face.

Maturity brings with it a spirit of humility and an ability to quickly ask for forgiveness, as well as, forgiving others.  It is a choice we make.  God is using those persons around you to build Himself in you so that we can also say, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”   (Luke 23:34)

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Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles

Finding a Life Mate: The Character Traits Worth Looking For #19

This is the nineteenth in a series of what traits to look for in a life mate.  While the following sets a high standard, one that perhaps few will initially reach, each area identified is an important character trait to look for and inquire about as you consider a lifelong marriage partner.

19. How does this person view finances and is he/she a good steward of personal wealth?  (Continued)  How did your family of origin handle finances?  Were the bills paid on time?  Did your parents incur a lot of debt?  Were your parents generous with their money and incorporate a spirit of giving or were they always “tight” with their finances?  Did they argue a lot or agree on the use of money?  (Ecclesiastes 5:10; Matthew 6:24; I Peter 5:2; Luke 19: 11-27)

Our family of origin helps to mold and to shape who we are.  As you look back at your family and how they viewed money, do you see any personal connections as to how you view money?  Most likely you see some positives and some negatives.  If your family seemed to always struggle with money, your natural reaction will be to look for security from a prospective partner, not wanting them to take unnecessary financial risks.  If your family tithed and helped the less fortunate, you will have a completely different perspective about the use of money.

Agreement in the use of money is far more powerful (not to mention life-giving to marriage) than disagreement.  When we agree on the use of our money, it releases the blessing of unity.  This is illustrated in Luke chapter 19 in the parable of the ten Minas.  The servants were told by their master to “put this money to work…”  Later the master returned …”to find out  what they had gained…”  The trustworthy ones did in fact invest the money and realized a gain and were given greater responsibility and authority.  They reaped what they sowed.  The servant who responded in fear, gained nothing and what he had, was given to the one who gained the most because he acted the most trustworthy.

Is Jesus Lord of your finances?  Does He own it all?  Are you a trustworthy servant?  Do you walk free of the love of money?  Before you merge two incomes into one, search God’s word and gain His perspective on finances.  It will save you a lot of heart ache.

 

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Marriage, Premarital, Singles

Finding a Life Mate: The Character Traits Worth Looking For #18

This is the eighteenth in a series of what traits to look for in a life mate.  While the following sets a high standard, one that perhaps few will initially reach, each area identified is an important character trait to look for and inquire about as you consider a lifelong marriage partner.

18. How does this person view finances and is he/she a good steward of personal wealth?  What are this person’s financial values?  Does he/she pay bills on time?  Has this person incurred debt, and if so, what kind of debt is it (e.g., college loans, mortgage or car payments, credit card or consumer debt)?  Does this person value saving and giving?  What is his/her view of credit card usage?   ((Deuteronomy 8:17, 18; Proverbs 11:24, 25, 28; 13:22; 22:1,4,7)

When my wife and I take a couple through premarital and postmarital they must complete a budget sheet that looks at twelve months worth of income and expenses.  Over the course of a year, we get a much more complete picture of our finances and our financial values.  Can you guess what the outcome is?  Most couples are spending more than they take in before they say “I do.”  While our government can seem to do that, we cannot.  What we’re really talking about is financial values…do we share the same values when it comes to saving, spending and earning?  If I look at your credit card statement or bank account, I would be able to tell what you value financially.  Have you discussed this with the person you are in a relationship with?  So many of life’s marital disagreements end up being about money. 

In the beginning of our marriage, we had financial struggles.  As I saw it, Mary was a “spender” and I was a “saver.”  Of course in my mind, a saver was the better of the two, but I was wrong.  Mary was a giver and I needed to receive and embrace her value of giving.  I was concerned for our future and desired more financial security.  Mary also needed to take steps to adapt to my value so that the differences actually formed a stronger family financial value.  Consequently today, one of our strengths is our financial agreement.

We’ll continue the discussion on finances in the next blog entry…

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Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles

Finding a Life Mate: The Character Traits Worth Looking For #17

This is the seventeenth in a series of what traits to look for in a life mate.  While the following sets a high standard, one that perhaps few will initially reach, each area identified is an important character trait to look for and inquire about as you consider a lifelong marriage partner.

17. Does this person handle conflict well?  What is his/her method of handling conflict in life?  Can this person deal with conflict in a healthy manner and effectively work through differences?  Does this person avoid it, ignore it or internalize his/her feelings?  Does he/she get angry and sulk, get loud and verbally abusive or respond physically?  Does this person seek humility or self-justification?  (Proverbs 11:2; 15:1; 22:24; 29:11, 22)

I Corinthians 13: 5 tells us that love is not easily angered and does not keep record of wrongs.  Do you ever find yourself tempted to keep a mental note of those who hurt you?  In NASCAR auto racing they call it “pay backs.”  In other words, you wreck me, be assured sometime when the right opportunity surfaces, I will wreck you.  Social scientists tell us that the number one determining factor of whether or not a marriage will make it is the ability of the couple to properly deal with conflict.  Did you get that?  It is not connected to whether or not you have conflict or how much conflict, but what is your ability to actually work through the conflict.  Two questions to consider: How did your family deal with conflict?  How do you tend to handle conflict? 

Historically, the family I was raised in pretended that the conflict did not happen and we would continue through our day not dealing with it and consequently never find any solution to the issue.  If you can maturely work through a conflict to the point of a satisfactory resolve, you are ahead of the game.  Arguing with ongoing heated words over the “problem” as you see it, will keep you from maturely arriving at a solution.  The next time you find yourself in a conflict, try steering the disagreement toward a solution sooner.  You’ll be amazed at the difference.

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