Encouragement, Leadership, Training

Chasing Leaders

There are plenty of differences in relational styles. Some of us are more verbal and others more auditory and the like. Some are slow responders and others are really quick on their feet. Relational styles even differ on how they like to receive information or requests, e.g., phone calls, text messages, email, Facebook messaging, etc. But when we are leading a group of people and those persons cannot obtain a timely response from us through any of the various means of communication mentioned, then we are requiring those same persons to chase us.

Chasing leaders is not fun. In fact, sometimes it’s downright frustrating and futile. If you’re a leader who needs to be chased, then please, for the sake of the team and the sanity of others, listen up.

No one, I repeat, no one enjoys chasing their leader in order to get things done or make a decision. In fact, if you’re a leader that has to be continually chased, then you’re a leader who does not care as deeply as you should for those whom you lead. If your subordinate or even your supervisor has to call you, text you, email you or send smoke signals repeatedly for a response, then you are in effect dishonoring them by sending the message that your time is more valuable than their time. It conveys that you are too caught up in your world to respond in a timely fashion. Making it difficult to get a response from you slows down efficiency, inhibits order, frustrates relationships and spreads an, “I don’t care attitude” around the workplace.

If you’re this person, here are some suggested changes for you:

  • If providing an accurate response is going to take some extra time, then begin by sending a brief message in return like, “I’ve gotten your request and I will get back to you by the end of the week.” Then, follow through on your word.
  • If you have an administrator type person, ask them to get back to the request to discuss a time to connect.
  • If people are reminding you that they are calling once again, pick up on that, you might have already begun to frustrate them.
  • Maybe you’re the forgetful type. Write down or place a message on your phone to remind yourself to return the call within a certain time frame.
  • Apologize for responding too slowly and make a commitment to the person to respond in a more timely fashion in the future.

Finally, if this speaks to you, confess that you deal with this issue and be accountable to change for the better, because those whom you oversee and those who oversee you are counting on it and integrity in leadership requires it.

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Encouragement, Issues of the Day

I Was Not Disobedient To The Vision

Paul the apostle was speaking to King Agrippa, sharing his personal testimony and encounter with God (Acts 26). It was quite a story and quite an opportunity. After intently listening to Paul, King Agrippa asks him if he thought that in such a short time he, the king, would be persuaded to be a Christian? (Acts 26:28) Paul’s story must have made an impression, but that phrase Paul used, “I was not disobedient to the vision” stayed with me as I once again read this encounter.

I long to be able to say at the end of my life that I was not disobedient to any vision my heavenly Father had given to me. Perhaps I was slow at receiving it and comprehending it, but once understanding it to be from God, was ready to commit to those initial attempts. In order to hear a “Well done” in heaven, we need to have obeyed and said, “Yes, Lord” on earth. Vision is birthed in prayer someone recently said to me. Vision is not a human concocting. True vision will command a change and stretch our faith. God’s visions are bigger than us, creating a healthy dependence upon the vision Giver. Vision from God is normally not attainable through our flesh-filled efforts. It is not just a, “Let’s get to work” attitude, but rather it is more of an, “If I don’t do this I am in trouble.”

What vision are you walking in today? Are there visions in your life, dreams that cannot happen in your human effort and require a stretching of your faith? Can you say along with Paul, I was not/will not be disobedient to the vision?

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Marriage, Postmarital

How Married Are You?

I would love to create some scientific measurement tool to give to couples so they could discover how married they actually are. You say, “How married they are; whatever does that mean?” It means how connected, unified, truthful, in agreement and simply stated: how one they are. Here’s how I see this marriage measurement tool working…

There would be a series of questions where the couple would either gain percentage points or they would lose percentage points depending upon their responses. At the end, the percentage that remains would be how married they are. So, for example:

Do you have separate bank accounts? Yes -3% No +3%

Are you free to look through one another’s mail/email? Yes +4% No -4%

Do you pray together? Yes +9% No -9%

Do you share PIN numbers? Yes +5% No -5%

Do you regularly keep secrets from your spouse? Yes -7% No +7%

Do you always tell your spouse the truth? Yes +8% No -8%

You get the idea. In the end, we would discover just how married we desire to be. Author Gary Thomas asks, “Are we going be 60 percent married or 90 percent…or, are we committed to…100 percent?”

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Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Leadership

Comfort Zones: We All Desire to Be Comfortable

images-2Comfort zones…we all have them. Perhaps yours is never flying on a plane or having a certain amount of money in savings. For each of us it is different because comfort is best described as what makes us feel the most secure. When discomfort is present, most likely insecurity is present. A situation that challenges our security will at the same time affect our physiological and emotional responses – our personal feelings of comfort.

Often at the core of discomfort is fear. We experience fear when our security is challenged. We dislike moving out of our comfort zones because we fear the process of change. Flying on a plane or depleting our savings account can in fact, based upon what we tell ourselves, lead us to being fear-filled.

imagesFunny thing is though, Jesus continually desires to stretch us, move us beyond our comfort zones. And if we’re immovable, we will resist His efforts in our life. What’s your comfort zone and how is your Heavenly Father attempting to move you beyond it? When you fully trust Him, you can move safely beyond your fears.

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Children, Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Parents, Pornography

Is Your Identity For Sale?

imagesMy wife and I were speaking to 30 plus senior high youth recently. They were passionate, hungry, open, teachable, vulnerable and beautifully smiling back at us as we taught. We spoke about life mission, boundaries, identity, pornography, priorities and praying for a life mate. We were straightforward and honest. They listened intently. As I observed these kids and the pressure they’re under, I thought about their personal introductions to porn, sex, drugs, broken families, raunchy TV and movies and peer pressure. “How do they cope in a world so different from the world I lived in when I was their age?” And then this question came to me, “Will they sell their identity?”images-6

It was a church youth group. They will soon head to college, technical school or enter the work force. How often will they be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on their faith? What college professors will tell them Christianity is for the weak, the brainless and/or the non-thinker? What young girl might attempt to seduce one of these young boys or vice versa? Which ones will sell their identity and which ones will hold onto their Christ-centered identity?

images-8Quickly the answer to the question of how will they cope came: you and I. The adults in their lives will touch them, love them, pray for and with them and visit them when they are off to college. We will text them, email them and even snail mail them to encourage their faith. We will send them books and articles that will help to protect their identity and we will speak life to them. We will tell them they are accepted, of value to us and to God and we will tell them how beautiful they are. We will challenge them to live righteously and hold them accountable to the truths taught to them.

Who are the young people in your life? They need you in their life today so they do not sell their identity tomorrow.

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Encouragement, In the news, Issues of the Day

Sanctuary Cities: We Desperately Need Them

images-10I’ve never heard of a sanctuary city until recent news, but it made me think how we are desperately in need of such. In the Old Testament, the sanctuary was the inner court where atonement for sin would take place. The sanctuary was a place of God’s dwelling (“Then have them make a sanctuary for me, and I will dwell among them.” Ex. 25:8). According to Numbers 8:19 it was a place of safety from the plagues. In I Chronicles 28 God instructed Solomon to build Him a temple, a sanctuary. Importantly, while Israel was away from their homeland and scattered throughout different countries, the Lord said that He was a sanctuary to them. (Ez. 11:16)images-9

Regardless of race, religion, sexual orientation or age people are hurting and they need a sanctuary place. They need a place to find God. Would your city be friendly to them? Would your home be a sanctuary? Would they feel God’s presence in your life and see His love reflected in your eyes? Have you asked that person who stands on a street corner with a cardboard sign their name? Are you a safe place for disclosure, for someone to open up about his or her life without judgment? Hebrews 9:24 states there is no longer a man-made sanctuary, for it was only a copy of the true one. You and I are that sanctuary, practicing the presence of God to the lost, misplaced, adrift, disoriented and confused ones.

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Encouragement, In the news, Issues of the Day

Women, Feminism and Jesus

imagesI have watched with interest over many years of my life the “women’s movement.” I am delighted that women can vote, wear pants in public and play an equal role in so many areas of our culture today. I am pleased to see women being urged to lead in many arenas. I love how God placed a part of His nature in women that all of us are in need of and benefit from. After all, without women, none of us would be here.

That said, I dislike how the movement portrays today that men are not important to women. I dislike that women are told, “It’s your body and you can do anything you desire with it.” We know this to be a reference to the killing of a child within their womb. (What about those pre-born women?) I dislike that one sex feels a need to rise above the other in order to feel valued or appreciated. After all, we are ‘opposite sex’ for many specific reasons. God undoubtedly planned it that way.

I find it hard to see some of the points being made today in a personal attempt to excuse rebellion against something. I openly wonder, “Who is lying to our culture in an effort to create these wars?” War doesn’t always bring about the changes desired. Certainly we each have needs that we are trying to meet, but to constantly and consistently battle one another seems unhealthy. Perhaps we have brought much of this on ourselves from our history, but today is so different from yesterday. I wish more people could appreciate where we have come to rather than continually fighting over where we once were and staying so stuck in the past.images-2

For numerous personal reasons, I set out in my devotional time to catch the scriptures I found in a couple of the gospels in which Jesus connected to women and how He connected. It blessed me to see how He, in the middle of the Old Testament and the Law of Moses, embraced women, even within His ministry life. I love how He loves us and sees the value in each and every human being that He has created, regardless of race, religion or sex. In its simplest form, feminism is simply the act of advocating social, political and all other rights of women equal to men. I believe that Jesus operated that way and would never, ever desire women to be seen as less-than in any area of life, especially in relation to men.

Surely a huge part of this cultural war is the devaluing of women and men. I’ve never read words recorded from the mouth of our Lord while He was on the earth that helps to incite this cultural war, but rather, His words provide answers to those relationships. I love how He often had a piercing question to ask in return to a culturally sensitive question being asked of Him. For example, once the Pharisees’ were “testing” Him and asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” His answer was,Haven’t you read the scripture? (Question) And, didn’t you read that from the beginning God made them male and female; they would leave father and mother to be one? (Another question) Didn’t you realize they are no longer two persons, but one?” (My paraphrase)

In other words, Jesus, the Son of God, was valuing the woman in that she is equally one with her husband, not less than her husband. In the culture of the time in which these words were written, a man could legally divorce his wife for practically any cause. Jesus had every opportunity under the Law to say, “You’re correct; trash her; put her away never to be anyone’s wife again.” He didn’t. He was the Author of marriage, He wrote the book on marriage and then said, “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” Husbands and wives are a single unit. To love your wife is to love yourself and to love your husband is to love yourself; two have become one.

But the value of a woman started far earlier than this encounter that Jesus had. His Father chose to send Him, His Son, to earth. He did this by placing a seed from the Holy Spirit into a very young woman named Mary. Jesus could have come to earth with an army, with the angels or by simply dropping out of the clouds as a full-grown man. God chose a virgin to give birth to Him. The scripture records an angel speaking to Mary and telling her, “Mary, you have found favor with God.” (Matthew 1: 30) A woman found favor with the Creator. God looks favorably over every woman He has created.

On another occasion, one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to his home for a dinner. While Jesus was there reclining at the table, the Bible indicates that a woman who had lived a “sinful life” brought some perfume to wash Jesus’ feet and then actually cried tears over Him. She then wiped those tears with her hair. I can imagine this scene with all the men in the room aghast in unbelief and displeasure at the actions of this “sinful” woman. But instead of ridiculing her, Jesus used this act as a life lesson to those who were observing. Jesus sensed her heart, her repentance and moved toward her with words of forgiveness and justification. He actually said, “Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven – for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.” (Luke 7: 47)

Jesus had every right to send her away, back on the street to do what she did. The Son of God could have blinded her or sent her away crippled as her punishment, but He chose to receive her gift, her heart, and to forgive her – not a very popular thing to do.

images-3Did you know that not only did the disciples travel with Jesus, but that women traveled with Him as well? In the gospel of Luke, chapter 8 and verse 2, we are told that women traveled with Jesus and His disciples. What were they doing? Luke shares that these women were actually…”helping to support them [Jesus and His disciples] out of their own means.” (Luke 8: 3) Jesus had women with Him who were helping to pay for the needs of the ministry team. He valued their support and the important role they played with the team.

Later in this same chapter we have a little girl who needed healing and a woman who was bold enough to step up and touch Him. When she did, her faith was that she would be healed. Jesus knew someone touched Him desiring a miracle. She fell at His feet “trembling” in fear and their eyes met. She blurted out her story hoping someone would understand. She was instantly healed the scripture says and then Jesus said this, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.” The woman who was bleeding and unclean under the Law, was not only healed, but He called her “Daughter.” How honoring.

There were two special women in Jesus’ life: Mary and Martha. One day at their home, Jesus was sharing, as I presume He often did. Certainly customary for the day, the two sisters should have been busy preparing the meal and serving the men in any way they could. But it was Mary who just couldn’t pull herself away from sitting at His feet. Martha complained about her sister not helping and Jesus’ reply was keenly insightful, “Martha…you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken from her.” (Luke 10: 41, 42)

Jesus not only affirmed these two women, but also longed for them to both sit at His feet together, receiving equally from Him. He loved them, spoke to them directly and said for them to not be taken away from the most important thing for men and women, sitting at His feet and learning of Him.

Jesus protected women’s sexuality and told us that it was wrong to look at woman lustfully. He was far harsher on adultery than the Old Testament was. He said that if you even look at a woman lustfully, you have already committed adultery. (Matthew 5: 29)

Jesus told us to honor our father and our mother, treating these roles equally. He said that if you curse father or mother, death was imminent.

Many women were at His crucifixion. (Matthew 27: 55) Why wouldn’t they be? This was the Man that treated them with dignity and the position within culture that they deserved. This was the Man they traveled with and who had forgiven them of their sin. This was the Man who loved them purely and without critical judgment.

My last scriptural expression of inclusion and equality is my favorite. The resurrected Christ could have first showed Himself to anyone He wanted to, any King, Priest or earthly authority. It was a couple of woman who first showed up at the grave. Two Mary’s arrived at the tomb early Sunday morning. Once again an angel comes to these women and declares during an earthquake, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he is risen, just as he said.” (Matthew 28: 5, 6) It was the women in His life who were “looking” for Him.images-5

In fear the women began to run off and suddenly Jesus was standing before them. They recognized Him and grabbed His feet and worshiped Him in jubilant praise while He spoke to them, “Don’t be afraid. Go and tell my brothers…” The Son of God declared His resurrection first to two of His female friends and commissioned them to tell the brothers, the men.

Jesus was an advocate of woman by treating them with purity, with respect, with honor, with protection, with equality and with dignity. It is a lesson for us as men to do the same. Any woman treated in this way by a father, brothers or a husband doesn’t need “equal rights” because she knows she is honored far above just an equal portion.

images-4I need women in my life. I need what they bring by being who they are. My daughter is in no way less than her brothers in our family. My wife is my partner and I am hers. Your female boss deserves every bit of respect that you would give a male boss. Paul said it so well when he wrote, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3: 28)

Let’s be part of stopping the cultural slide of anger by being an advocate for all women just like our Lord was. Let’s be on a daily march of loving, respecting and honoring women. Let’s serve the women in our lives through the spirit of Christ who allowed “sinful” women to approach Him for forgiveness without judgment. Let’s tell the world of women in our circle that equal rights with men is not something they need to attain, because the Savior of the world has already pronounced their approval, their acceptance and all of their rights.

Women, all women, come find your place of freedom at His feet.

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Children, Parents, Training

Teaching Your Children to Steal

imagesSome years ago I was meeting with a young married man for various counseling issues. I really cannot remember what they were, but I do remember one thing from that time. He inadvertently mentioned that he enjoyed “breaking and entering.” I said, “You what?” He shared that for years he and his friends would break into garages and sheds and steal small items simply for, “The thrill of it.”   I shared, “You do know that stealing is against the law, not to mention one of the Ten Commandments, right?”   He assured me that he did, but added that no one has been hurt by his actions and that he enjoyed the dare and the challenge. “Further,” he said, “I find nothing wrong with it.” I added, “But I thought you told me you were a Christian.” He assured me he was.images-4

images-3A counseling plan: During his history statement he shared that he and his wife had a young son who was five years old. I had a plan. I looked straight at him and with boldness said, “I recommend you take your five year-old son along with you and the gang the next time you decide to break into a place.” He said, “What?” “Yea,” I continued, “Take your son, he’s small and you can put him through a window and then he can unlock the door for you to enter.” With a wrinkled face he replied, “I thought you said you were a Christian counselor.” “I am,” I told him. “But here’s the thing…start your son out young and train him thoroughly in thievery so he can be just like his dad.” I went on to say, “In commonality the two of you can have some real father/son bonding time breaking into sheds and garages.” I went on to say, “You’ll be so proud when he becomes just like you!”

He committed all the sins his father had done before him; his heart was not fully devoted to the Lord his God…   (I Kings 15:3)

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Just for fun, Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital, Singles

Fifteen Really Cheap or Free Dates

images-6Running out of ideas for inexpensive, but fun date nights? It’s time to celebrate your Valentine, so here are a few ideas, many that my wife and I have enjoyed over the years:

1. Visit an open house or a new model home for creative decorating and renovating ideas.

2. Try a new hiking or biking trail in your area.

3. Rent a Red Box movie or download a free movie.

4. Visit several local thrift stores or a flea market and enjoy some bargain hunting.

5. Go on a coffee, tea or ice-cream date.

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6. Is there indoor ice-skating in your area? If not, try bowling.

7. Take some back country roads you’ve never driven on and see where you end up.  Keep the conversation going while you enjoy the drive.

8. Try a new museum or art gallery. Look for tours you haven’t been on in your locale.

9. Visit your favorite wing night restaurant.

10. Take advantage of free music concerts at local parks.

11. Cook together or create a new dessert.images-7

12. Go on a scenic photo shoot and take some selfies. Then, post them on-line or on Facebook and ask your friends to guess where the pictures were taken.

13. If you’re near your home area, take your spouse to a favorite childhood spot.

14. Watch a really old movie you love or never viewed before.images-4

15. Take a night walk. Be sure to use a reflective vest and carry a flashlight.

Bonus date: Dig out your old photo albums, sit on the couch and laugh!  Send us your ideas.

Happy Valentine’s Day to you!

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Encouragement, Issues of the Day, Marriage, Postmarital, Premarital

Love Locks

imagesYou most likely know about the railings of the Pont des Arts pedestrian bridge in Paris, France. For years couples have been placing pad locks on this railing and then throwing the key into the River Seine as a romantic ritual of their love. Eventually the city had to intervene. It seems that according to those who know such things that the added weight of thousands of locks affected the integrity of the bridge and needed to be removed.

In June of 2015 forty-five tons of symbols of love were removed from the bridge railings. When I read about this it made me wonder how many of those couples were still enduring, committed, making sacrifices for images-2one another and “locked” together in love. In 1975 I said “I do” to my bride, Mary, while at the same time saying “I don’t” to every other woman. We never put a padlock on the bridge in Paris, but we have remained committed in our love to God and then to each other. I guess when God’s word says that His love endures forever (Ps 106:1), He provided a picture to us that love can, at the least, endure a life-time.

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