This is the fourth in a series of what traits to look for in a life mate. While the following sets a high standard, one that perhaps few will initially reach, each area identified is an important character trait to look for and inquire about as you consider a lifelong marriage partner.
4. What is this person’s life call or mission? God has called each of us to specific life mission and He gives gifts to help complete this mission. While this call can change and evolve, does this person understand his/her own personal mission? We are each born with purpose, but when we are born again, I believe we find our passion. What is this person’s passion in life and how does it match with your passion? If God is calling two to become one, then He is recognizing similar life calls that will complement one another.
What do I mean? I live in a farming community in Pennsylvania. If a young man is desiring to be a farmer, then a young wife needs to not only understand that call, believe in that call as a business and ministry, but be willing to come alongside her husband and be a farmer as well. She needs to be willing to embrace the smell and the flies in her kitchen. If a young lady has a passion and is called to oversees missions, then a young man who she is desiring to become one with will need to share in that call. It does not mean we lose our individuality, but are we agreeing to the mission and can that mission become a co-mission? Are the two compatible or similar enough to merge into one? Adam and Eve were given a co-mission, to tend the garden. (Genesis 2:8, 15, 18) The Father will do the same for you. Too many marriages today haven’t a clue as to why they are together. Could it be that they have not discovered their mission together?
3. Where is this person at with loving and accepting themselves? Jesus told us that the greatest commandment was to love God and the second was to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. How does this person you are interested in love themself? What do they reflect about how they see themself? Does this person constantly compare himself or herself to others? Does he or she perceive themselves as better or less than others? We love ourselves by pursuing a relationship with our Creator, by caring for our spirit, soul and body, by pursuing wholeness in all areas of life and by pursuing maturity. A sign of maturity is being able to identify the needs of others and then how to help meet those needs. Is this person more concerned about their needs or your needs?
Do you get the idea this person is trying to receive their esteem through you or another or through their education or their job? Romans 15:7 reminds us to accept one another just as God has accepted us. You cannot complete another’s identity. You cannot be their esteem or meet all their needs. Listen to the words they use about themself. Are they positive words or are they self-deprecating? As we learn to accept ourselves, as God has accepted us, we can become comfortable within our own skin and then stop trying to change others. (John 8:12-14; Romans 12:3; II Corinthians 10:12,13)
2. Does this person love and accept you as you are? Do you get the feeling at times that he/she is attempting to change you? Does he/she accept those physical and personality traits with which you were born, or do you feel an underlying need to change yourself to try to please him/her? While love is not blind, it accepts what cannot be changed and gives grace for what can be changed. Romans 15: 7 says, “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” Christ has accepted you as you are. You need not try to change yourself to be accepted, let Him do the changing for He has already accepted you. You cannot earn His acceptance or His approval because you already have it… before you do anything.
Does this person love God with all of his/her heart, mind and soul? To put anyone or anything before God is idolatry. Does this person act in such a manner that you know his/her first priority is to love and serve God over you, someone or something else? Does this special person love God more than his/her own personal comfort? Is Jesus his/her first love? Does this person acknowledge a relationship with the Holy Spirit and how God’s Holy Spirit is working in them? Is this person seeking God’s heart and will on a daily basis? Are they doing their best to walk in the daily disciplines of the Christian faith? If not, they are seeking to please someone or something else. Even if that “someone” or “something” else is you, it is out of line with Jesus’ words when He was asked what were the most important commands from His Father. (See Matthew 22:36-38) I find the more I love God and place Him first as Lord of my life, the more I love my wife and desire to care for her. You see, it is an act of worship to my King to love my wife like He loves His church and cares for her. (See Ephesians 5:25-28) If I were to take these words in Ephesians literally, I am asked to give up my life for my wife, to make her holy, cleansing her, to present her to Him as a part of His radiant church. I am asked to love her as I love and care for myself (what a radical difference that one move would make in marriages today). But you see, I can’t do these things by my own strength or abilities. By loving God first, He will give me such a steadfast love, appreciation, spirit of thankfulness and so much more for her. It’s funny, if I put my job or myself first, all else suffers behind it. If I put God first in my life, He works diligently and faithfully within me to see that all else is blessed. But seek first His kingdom and righteousness, and all these things (a life mate) will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33
Steve Prokopchak 